Little Hands & Fragile Things

Long before they learn the word "fragile," most children are repeatedly exposed to the phrase "don't touch." Indeed, we set up our homes and classrooms to protect little hands from being able to reach things that are potentially breakable. Instead, we fill their spaces with toys--some made to resemble the items that we safeguard upon a higher shelf, many made of durable materials like plastic, metal and wood. A couple of winters ago, I took an online conference in early childhood and one of the presenters showed the use of real artifacts--fragile ones, even--right in her classroom dramatic play center. I was rather surprised and quite intrigued. And yet, I was still hesitant. Inspired, I headed out one Friday afternoon to a local thrift shop and found a charming tiny china tea set. I brought it home for a few dollars and that Shabbos, S (then 3) and I had a pretend tea party at our dining room table. We used real water and he practiced pouring and transferring and overall handling these tiny and fragile little treasures. He had such a feeling of reverence for these tiny dishes and such a feeling of pride in being allowed, in fact, encouraged to touch them. So many of his own meals were served on plastic plates and bowls with matching plastic utensils and even plastic cutlery. But I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat each and every time he picked up the tea pot and proceeded to pour, clumsily trying to coordinate his tiny hands to hold the tiny lid in place while pouring tiny amounts of water into (and over the top of) a tiny tea cup. And I stored our tiny tea set in a lovely wooden box, out of sight, out of mind...

...until yesterday! I love weekends here, and particularly Shabbos, as an opportunity to slow down and introduce new (or more accurately, returning) toys and materials to our playroom rotation. It gives us the time to play together and explore without being rushed. And after one cool day here, I was feeling rather Fall-ish, so I decided to revamp our nature table for the season up ahead. And in preparation for the International Fairy Tea Party, a worldwide event celebrating child's play and wonder coming up next Thursday through the weekend, I decided to incorporate our tea set into the display. Our nature shelf is a space that captures the beauty and magic of each season. It shifts as items are found, collected, displayed, played with and moved around. It is a hands-on space with objects both nature and man-made. Some of these items are big. Some are small. Some are living, others are not. Some are delicate and others quite sturdy. While it is a space that initially I set up, it is encouraged that S and Y (and someday, C) play in the space. In fact, I love when I walk into the room and notice a little change to our setup--it feels like passing love notes to one another. They can take things off the shelf, they can add things to it. In a sense, they've had the experience of touching fragile materials on the shelf before, so the addition of porcelain dishes really wasn't so novel.

Tea parties are served on "real" dishes and the boys decorate
cookies with icing in "real" glasses...

Fast forward to when the boys came downstairs from their afternoon rest, they were enthralled! I do confess that my heart still skipped a beat when each one picked up the tea pot or creamer for the first time. But I consciously made myself take a breath, and a step back. I slowed my thoughts down and slowed my words. I took each of the boys through the process of handling the little dishes with two hands and making sure they were far from the edge and level on a flat surface. Is it possible that they will break? Yes, and some might even say likely. Is it a huge deal if they do? No. It will be one in many of life's lessons to come (and behind us) of fragile things being...fragile.

I believe there is great value in exposing children to real and fragile materials. My disclaimer in promoting this is that I first and foremost value children's safety. When objects in a child's reach can be in any way dangerous, it is vital that safety come first. Whether it's tiny marbles that could potentially be a choking hazard or plants that are not edible or objects that can shatter and be sharp, if an adult cannot be present to support or if you know the children in your space are prone to mouthing objects or are not yet ready for independently handling fragile materials, I would encourage leaving them only in an adult's reach and bringing them out when they can be used together, with support.

These seed pods are very brittle. There are many
skills involved in putting
the marbles into the holes (an activity
invented by Y) and overall handling the
seed pod without it crushing it.

The benefits I do see in children having opportunities to get hands on with real objects and materials are manifold. It honors their ability to be gentle and caring toward these meaningful things. It welcomes them into our "adult" world--a place they long for but often feel separate from. It teaches a sense of reverence for things that are special and important to us and in that sense, they learn to handle things that are special and important to them in just the same way. I will likely never have a play or learning space that is void of any plastic or pretend toys. I know these objects are also important and integral to my children's play. I also know that children who are only exposed to these materials are perhaps given a false sense of security. Both have a place, both have a value.

If you're feeling ready to take on the challenge of incorporating little hands and fragile things in your own home or classroom, here are a few ideas to consider:

• Two Finger Touch: This is a great one for those who may not be ready or equipped to have fragile objects left at child's reach. During a time when you can be present, bring out a special object to show your child(ren). Demonstrate the care you take when handling it, talk about it slowly and quietly. Give over the idea of how very special it is and use real language like "fragile" or "delicate." And then, one at a time, invite each child to come and touch the object using their pointer and middle finger together. As you feel more secure in this skill, you may offer an opportunity to hold it or perhaps use it functionally (if it is an instrument, for example, the children may have a turn at playing it). In this sense, you can teach the skills of handling fragile objects in increments: how to touch, how to hold, how to carry/transfer and how to return these objects.
• Use real dishes at the dinner table: I don't always do this, but many times when we are all sitting together for family dinner or on Shabbos or at our weekly tea parties, I do give the boys real dishes and cutlery. It is a skill to learn to keep your glass away from the edge of the table and a skill to pour tea or lemonade from a porcelain tea pot while simultaneously holding down the lid. Again, if you have a plate tosser in your home, I don't recommend teaching this skill from afar, but rather bringing out the real stuff only when you can also be at the table to give gentle reminders.

  

  Bird's nest Museum Box

• Hands-on Museums: I frequently come to my nature based playgroup meet-ups with a bin or two of my Traveling Hands-on Museum. These are shallow plastic bins that I stock with items found and collected from nature. Many are quite delicate, like this abandoned bird's nest. I love offering opportunities for children to touch things that are often kept out of their reach. It gives them such a sense of pride and wonder. And when I cannot be there to support and supervise, the lid can be replaced and the box put aside.
• Skill Building: Along with and sometimes even before opportunities to touch fragile objects, building the skills necessary to do so is important. Giving children plenty of opportunities to practice fine motor strength, balance, hand-eye coordination and executive functioning skills like organization, navigating their body in their environment, etc., are all integral to being able to have a tea party with real dishes. Even being able to carry a plate full of food or a cup filled with water from the kitchen to the table is a skill that must be learned. Know that through their daily opportunities for indoor and outdoor play and learning, these skills are being developed and as they get stronger, children will be more successful in being able to manage delicate objects.

  

  S is particularly cautious and curious as he
  explores some materials in our Traveling Hands-on Nature Museum.
  (Objects pictured below)

  
  
  
• When the inevitable occurs: Let's be realistic. Stuff is going to break. Whether it's a dinner glass or a toy or a picture frame or even something very special and irreplaceable, we all have experienced it. Particularly if something is quite special and irreplaceable, having it break can be upsetting. I do think it's important to keep emotions in check, but I also think it's OK for children to see that we are sad when something is broken (whether they had a part in it or not). On the other end of that spectrum is our tendency to jump in and say "it's OK!" or "we can get a new one!" I still remember many moons ago when S was a baby and he and a friend were outside their babysitter's home playing drums with some plastic spoons and overturned metal bowls. Another boy in our neighborhood who was a bit older came over and played along. He, however, had a bit more strength than his fellow musicians. My neighbor encouraged more gentle play but before long one of the spoons broke. "It's OK," he said to the owner of the drum set immediately, "You can buy a new one." It's a phrase I'd heard his parents use repeatedly when things got broken in his house and once, even when he broke something in mine. And yes, it is essentially OK. Things do get broken and most things can be replaced. Nonetheless, I greatly admired my neighbor's response: "It can be replaced, but actually, I don't feel OK about it yet. I need you to be more gentle with my things in the future." The boy seemed quite surprised, cocked his head to one side, and said "I'm sorry." It was as though he'd never been aware of the fact that even though things break and it's OK and they can be replaced, it can also be sad and disappointing. 
• And the Aftermath... If and when something is broken by a child, I do encourage you to include him or her in the clean up. If it is something that belonged to someone else, it can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable for both parties. I think it is important to find out a way to make things right, whether it is through replacing the object and/or an apology. If a child feels too embarrassed to do this, you can model it for him/her. If it is the child's own toy or object, I also encourage balancing when you rush to replace something versus opportunities to earn its replacement or wait for a special occasion. Children do not arrive into this world inherently knowing that things cost money and money takes time and work to earn. S will frequently have wishes for particular toys now or ask to replace something that gets broken right away. He's not intentionally being greedy, but he does not yet understand capitalism! We now have incorporated family jobs and earning allowance for both of the boys.
• Treasure hunting in thrift stores is a great way to build a small and cost effective collection of objects to use for teaching care with fragile materials. For even less money, as in no money at all, you can collect items from nature that are particularly delicate, like fallen leaves, seed pods, flowers, etc.  When children are invited to participate in this, whether it's finding and collecting a bouquet of wildflowers or getting to pick out a beautiful tea cup at a garage sale, they will have a sense of ownership to these objects and handle them with greater care.

I'm not so sure how long our tea set will last out on the Nature Shelf, but so far, so good. And perhaps I will take a bit of my own advice and offer more opportunities for working on handling delicate things. We'll be back soon and until then...

Happy Playing!

The Montessori Inspired Home: The Bedroom

If you know me at all, you know that I believe sleep is sacred. I know (from experience) just how many years you can go without quality sleep before you're really in trouble... That said, when it comes to setting up sleep routines and bedroom structures I am a firm advocate for only one method: do what works for you and your family so that everyone gets the best quality rest. I definitely advocate for sleep safety and good sleep hygiene. Having a predictable bedtime routine is a good idea, whatever that means for you and your family. Starting that "unwinding" process earlier rather than later can be a good idea. It can be helpful to avoid screens like computers, phones, TVs and tablets for a couple of hours prior to sleeping and many doctors also recommend to avoid eating and exercising close to bedtime as well. That said, some children (and adults) sleep best with a bowl of cereal or a banana before bedtime. I never would have thought roughhousing playfully before bed was a good idea, but I have a toddler who really does well to release the energy of the day in that way and sleeps like a charm afterward. S began his sleep journey in a bassinet in our room. Two months into it, he transitioned out of the room. Three months later he transitioned into my bed! At about 15 months he transitioned into his own bed and he's been there, through the night, ever since. With him, we never did any type of sleep training; he really transitioned independently and we did what worked best for everyone at the time, making sure to revisit and reassess if and when that changed. Y began sleeping with me but sleeps best in a bassinet and not sharing a bed. Go figure!
When it comes to the bedroom itself, again, I believe families should do what works best at the time. Some children do fine with toys and books being in their rooms. Some children need to have only the bare essentials in their rooms in order to be able to focus on sleep and not get distracted by playing. I am a firm believer in not using screens in bed/bedrooms because that works for me, but if you feel differently, do what works for you! Bedtimes and nap times are a time of separation for our children and as a result, many children have anxiety around sleep and around that separation. Some children may struggle with nightmares or night terrors. Some children may have behavioral challenges around the transition to nap and bed as well. Some of this is certainly related to their (and our) energy levels at that point and some is certainly related to separation anxiety and/or fear of missing out. We try our hardest to make rest and bedtime transitions soothing, calm and predictable. For better or for worse, this never happens 100% of the time. One thing to consider is making sure that you are aware of your child's internal sleep clock and sleep needs so that you are not crossing past the point of being tired to the point of being overtired. In children, over-fatigue can look like a burst of energy or hyperactivity. On the one hand, it looks as though they are not tired at all when in reality, this energy is really a release of cortisol and they are exhausted!
We try to work within that window to ensure that 10 and 5 and 2 minute prompts are given before the transition will occur. It's also probably not a good idea to make "cleaning up all the toys" your final activity. Sometimes when we've forgotten this, S will clean up all of his toys quite nicely--no kid cleans up the play area like a kid who doesn't want to go to bed! And other times, he utterly melts down, throws his toys and has to be carried like a football up the stairs to his bedroom, kicking and screaming in protest. If we can, we try to have most things already picked up a bit in advance with a special "last activity" as an incentive for getting this done. Again, no plan is fool (or toddler) proof.
Sleep for children is sacred and so, too, is sleep for the adults in the home. Making some simple adjustments to your children's bedrooms can help it be a space they can independently navigate so that you do not need to be awoken to tend to needs like a tissue to wipe a running nose or a glass of water in the middle of the night. With regard to early risers, you may wish to have activities/toys in the room available for quiet play. Some families feel comfortable to have a basket of books or quiet activities in the parents' bedroom so that children can be close by while you squeeze in a few more z's. S happens to be fine to play quietly with toys in his room. He does not do as well right now to be unattended with books so we bring a few in at shared reading times and then return those to the family shelf for safekeeping.
S's bed is a twin mattress on the floor. He transitioned directly from my bed into this one when he was about 15 months old and not yet walking. Eventually, he could independently get in and out of it, which for us was a plus. He needed some reminders as he got more confident in walking that rest and bedtimes are times when he must stay in his bed. I knew we needed to make the transition to sleeping independently at that point because I had bronchitis and neither of us could sleep! I think he was more ready for it than I was, and he smoothly transitioned to sleeping through the night, without waking for night-feedings anymore. I wondered at that point if we should buy a crib, but felt it would be a tough transition from bed-sharing since he'd never been in a crib before and was already a young toddler. A friend suggested the mattress idea and for S it has worked like a charm! Additionally, a low-sitting mattress or bed-frame can easily be made by a toddler--a skill we are working on with S right now. He even helped to change the sheets on his bed and on the other family beds before last Shabbos!

A few weeks ago, S began crying during nap time, something he almost never does. I rushed upstairs in a bit of a panic as this behavior is atypical for S and found out he was crying because he really needed to wipe his nose! A box of tissues and wipes kept at child level allows S to tend to personal care needs like wiping his nose when he needs to without having to rely on an adult to get him a tissue in the middle of a nap or night.

We love having artwork by and for the whole family in every room. That said, in the children's room, we especially like to make a point to display their artwork and decorations that are meaningful to them. S is the only kid in the room right now, so the walls really speak to him. If and when Y will join him, he will also be represented in the artwork that is displayed. We keep some artwork at child level and some up higher. We also use the bedroom to display mitzvah notes that we've written about S and other positive reinforcement visuals, like the sticker chart S completed when giving up his pacifier.

 We keep a neggel vasser next to his bed for ritual handwashing each morning. The cup and basin are both smaller in size to fit smaller hands. A towel hangs just above it (on the base of a desk chair) for drying hands (and spills). S can independently carry the cup and basin to the bathroom afterward to empty it in the tub. We also now use an open hamper for his dirty laundry so he can easily toss in the clothes he takes off at the end of the day. Please note that the only reason it's empty right now is that I'm actually catching up on laundry--usually it looks like everyone else's and is overflowing! Oh, and looks like I missed a sock! We just introduced this as S has become more interested in dressing and undressing himself. We had a somewhat broken hamper that he could reach but I was worried he might get his fingers caught in the lid or end up with a splinter as it was falling apart. He was very excited about the new hamper. He needed a reminder that the only thing he should toss in there is his dirty clothing since at first it was really fun to toss a lot of different things in there!

We also transitioned to having the clothes that he most needs to access in the lowest drawers of the dresser in the room. Ideally, having a dresser that is easy for children to reach and utilize is best for fostering independence. Stiff drawers or clothing that is stored too high can inhibit this process. If you cannot accommodate this setup easily, you might consider including your toddler in the process of choosing the clothing and pajamas he or she will need for the day and leaving them accessible in a basket.

We keep a basket for tzitzis and yarmulkes as well as a space for shoes all on the lowest shelf of a bookcase for easy access and storage of those items as well. These small adjustments help to maintain order in a space that is easy for S to access independently or with minimal adult support. We have noticed in just the short time of introducing some of these changes that S has felt empowered to do more and more things by himself. The first night after I made some of the initial changes, I heard him shout down with glee repeatedly at bedtime, "Mommy, I did it!" as he undressed himself, put his own clothes in his own hamper, put away his shoes for the night, picked out his tzitzis, pajamas and yarmulke for bedtime and then, decided on his own that he wanted to also try sitting on the potty without a diaper. Potty training is definitely on the horizon and will be its own process and struggle. Success yields success. When it comes to fostering feelings of competence and confidence in our children, providing ample opportunities throughout the space of a day for experiences of even "little" successes can yield more and more of the same.

Wishing you all a good night's rest and until then, happy playing!

The Montessori Inspired Home: The Dining Space

As I searched through photos to begin this post, I realized there are almost no pictures of our dining area! The reason is that during shared meals, we almost never have our phones and cameras nearby. Ample studies show the benefits of families sitting down together to share mealtimes. In today's world, this is a rarity. Some families aim to share one meal a day, some maybe once a week. Everyone has busy schedules and when you throw particular eaters into the mix and tired toddlers, sometimes by the hour that dinnertime rolls around, all of our emotions are on high as our energy dwindles to an all-time low. 

No, mealtimes at our table don't quite look like the ones portrayed on television. Before I had children, I promised I'd never become a short order cook. The family meal would be the family's meal! Now I see why my mother often made two or three different dinners each night before sitting down to eat her own. To keep the peace. And at the end of a long day of play and work, peace is one thing in high demand here. Many times, S eats the bulk of his dinner before dinner time. He may taste some of the family's dinner, he may just sit with us and eat foods he does like or he may just play in the living room. When you are three, there is a high desire to control the world around you and few things in the world that are set up for three-year-olds to control. As such, food becomes a high area of control for toddlers. We do what we know: we involve S in meal preparations and making appropriate choices (from which dishes to use to which foods to eat). We involve him in our shopping and menu planning and even in gardening and growing some of the produce we eat. We do what we can to ensure he has adequate nutrition and opportunities to try new foods often and repeatedly. And beyond that, we [try] to relax and step back and breathe. I am a fully recovered picky eater--I wish I could be a little pickier about what I eat these days!

Today happens to be Tisha b'Av--a fast day for us adults. S and Y are the only folks eating and drinking around here, so making some simple adjustments and additions to our dining space in advance will surely have come in useful today! For the sake of this post, the Dining Space incorporates both the areas of our kitchen where we cook and prepare meals as well as the areas where we eat. Setting up a kosher kitchen in a small living space means that our "kitchen" genuinely extends beyond that room itself. Additionally, the Dining Space incorporates all of the activities of preparing food to eat, actually eating it and cleaning up afterward. I've written before on involving kids in the kitchen and cooking activities. For the sake of brevity, I won't go into a lot of those ideas in this post, but I will surely continue to post on the subject in the future. Without further ado, here's a peek at some of the ways we have set up our Dining Space to be family accessible and Montessori inspired:

• The dining space is a place where meals are shared and families connect. It is also an opportunity for children to learn about nutrition and health, how to carry out a conversation, how to exchange the pleasantries and social graces of sharing meals together and, on special occasions, how to welcome guests. It is also a place that is integral to learning about family and religious traditions. With the exception of days like Tisha b'Av, many Jewish holidays are centered around shared foods and stories!

• The table is a place where meals are shared as well as one where activities and work are done. Having a table that accommodates the whole family at each age and stage is a must for our home. Some folks like to use high chairs to assist smaller children in sharing a space at the family table. We have always preferred ones that allow for S to be right up at the table with us and favor the wooden restaurant style in our home. It is also quite nice to have tables and chairs that are at child level for eating and for working at. We have a little table and chairs where S does eat most of his daytime meals and snacks. We tend to eat our dinners all together at the family table.

Sometimes kitchen work is done right at the family table, like on Make Your Own Pizza Night! We picked fresh tomatoes from our garden and prepped a variety of other toppings along with homemade pizza dough. Two out of three solid-food consuming family members even Ate Their Own Pizzas that night--and S tried a few bites of his.

Learning how to use a serving spoon and serving dish is an important skill. Offering opportunities to practice this helps instruct children not only on the motor skills associated with successfully transferring items from a bowl to their plate, but also teaches about portion control and sharing a community meal with family members and/or guests.

•  The kitchen is a space where meals are prepared and food is stored. It is a small and busy space in our house. It is not necessarily accessible for children (or even adults) in and of itself, so we make creative solutions to challenges within the space. It is an integral room for teaching about the laws of kashrut and also for learning about food preparation, safety with knives and ovens and stoves, cleanliness and safety with food and more!

In the kitchen, a step stool allows shorter family members to join in the process of cooking and baking and even washing produce or dishes. S almost always wants to use his step stool to join in--even if it's just to watch what we're doing as we cook. S knows which side of our kosher kitchen is for Meat and which side is for Dairy. On his own, he taught himself how to clear dishes from the table and place them in the proper bin for washing! This was a helpful reminder for me that he is ready for more responsibilities within our dining space and meal times.

Kids love to be in the kitchen with us! In an ideal world, I'd always have some sort of kitchen work set up and available for S to do while I'm cooking. In the real world, this is not the case. Rather, having an open door policy (where S can easily enter and leave the kitchen at his will) and having something out for him to play with while we're in there is a great way to compromise within this space. I love having our sensory table in the kitchen. It means that S can be close by while I'm cooking or tending to laundry in there. It also is an easy-to-clean space and floor so that he can easily tend to his own spills when they happen with help from us as needed.

Children love to imitate adult activities. Part of setting up our home to include children in adult activities is making "adult activities" accessible to the children. Another part is offering dramatic play opportunities to pretend about adult activities, like working in a kitchen, taking care of babies, and pretending to go to work or to the store. Many times when we are cooking in the kitchen or preparing meals, S will busy himself with work in his own kitchen area!

We recently added a small set of plastic drawers to our dining area by the kids' table to store a selection of dishes and materials S might need for meal and snack times. Color coded drawers help him remember what goes where. Labels will be added in the future to incorporate a print-rich environment, even though he is a pre-reader at this point. I don't keep all of the kids' dishes in the drawers, but rather a small selection so that S can choose his favorite color bowl or cup without the constant kitchen cabinet battle we used to have! The child-level shelf on top also creates the perfect space for some self-care items like tissues and wipes (and at some point I will include a mirror for being able to see the yogurt all over his face that needs to be wiped off!). It's also a great space for a spray bottle and washcloth for tending to tabletop spills.

S associates blue with "dairy" so the dairy dishes are kept in the blue drawer.

S associates red with "meat" and we keep the meat dishes in the red drawer. Labels are useful in the absence of color coding and gentle lessons and reminders are also helpful. When teaching children about keeping a kosher home, it's important to instruct and remind, but not to be harsh. Mistakes happen even with the adults in the home and we want keeping kosher to be a mitzvah our children are eager to keep and not fearful of.

Not surprisingly, S's favorite new addition has been the spray bottle of homemade cleaner and the washrag! I simply filled a plastic spray bottle with water, a squirt of dish soap and a drop of lavender oil. You can alternatively use a bit of castile soap, choose a scent you prefer, or just plain water. Providing a variety of cleaning tools like sponges or scrub brushes can also introduce new practical life-skills. I prefer to have only one tool out at a time for now and to rotate it. S got really into cleaning his table and was desperate for more things to clean--his chairs are super clean now, too! The fact of the matter is that spills happen and rather than being frustrated about them or cleaning them up myself each day, we've created a setting where S has more ownership and responsibility within our shared space.

Almost all public places are equipped with a water fountain at child level. Schools have sinks at child level. And yet, our homes have sinks that are too high to reach and getting water means needing an adult to help or a step stool to reach the sink. Additionally, at least for me if I don't have a water cup or bottle right next to me, I often forget to hydrate. Proper hydration is so important during the heat of the summer and all year round. We bought a set of small glass pitchers to fill with water for S to pour into a cup and drink from throughout the day. Glass with a three year old, you ask? Yes! Children can (and should) be taught how to handle materials that are fragile. Our preschool uses these pitchers as well even in their two year old classrooms. Given information about how to handle them safely, children tend to be very respectful and cautious with "real" materials like glass. That said, each parent is the expert on his/her child and you know if your child is not ready for glass. Plastic pitchers would be just as useful to practice with! And as with any learning opportunity, proper supervision is a definite must. Practicing pouring and liquid portion control are skills that are mastered in this setup. Knowing also that spills may occur, it can be a helpful reminder to keep a dry washrag out so your little ones can tend to overflows as they occur.

If you happen to be fasting today, I hope this post has not left you too hungry or thirsty and that your fast is easy and meaningful. We'll be back soon with more views into our Montessori inspired home and a fun story stretcher as well. Until then, happy playing!

The Montessori Inspired Home: Introductory Post

Early on in my teaching career, I became interested in Maria Montessori's philosophy on early education. I began to incorporate Montessori inspired activities into my classrooms. I was greatly intrigued to discover A Jewish Homeschool Blog, and to discover how this mother, home-schooler and blogger was incorporating the Montessori method into her children's Jewish education. The Torah instructs us to teach our children according to their very individual and personal needs and abilities; this is a core value shared by the Montessori philosophy. My first time visiting a true Montessori classroom was a few years ago, during my first year teaching at our local Montessori-inspired Jewish preschool. There were many ideas and concepts that I brought back with me to my own classroom and, being that our school is Montessori inspired, I loved the freedom to incorporate methods and activities I found helpful for my students while not being strictly bound to only this philosophy. I have always felt a child-based eclectic approach to be the most successful one for meeting and moving with all of my students' individual needs. 

"Help me do it by myself!" This is one of my favorite Montessori concepts for both life in the classroom as well as at home. It truly captures a child's innate desire to master the skills necessary to achieve age appropriate levels of autonomy. Our role as teachers, parents and caregivers is to foster independence in our children. As a teacher, I view my classroom as an extension of the home and our students collectively as our family and community. I often use the words "this is our classroom home" when I am instilling a sense of respect for the space and members who share it. The majority of community members in a classroom are children and so the space is always set up to be child-accessible. Materials the children need are at their level--everything from chairs and tables, to art supplies and toys, tissues and wipes and toilets and sinks--all of these are accessible and available to the children. They are given lessons individually and as a group on how to manage and care for themselves in this space, and very quickly my classrooms (and students) are running like a well oiled machine! My students always came in each morning, unpacked their bags, removed and hung up their coats and knew where to place papers to be turned in, lunches and snacks. If they were hungry for a snack, I had an "open snack policy," and a basket where they could access their snack foods. By four and five, most children can recognize hunger cues and know when they need to eat! If there was a spill, they could easily access a rag to wipe it up. If they were thirsty, a small pitcher was ready with cups to fill with water. If the pitcher was empty, they knew how to carefully carry it to the bathroom sink and fill it up again. Fostering this level of independence in children helps to build confidence and competence. It requires us to teach through both modeling and formal lessons. We must remember that our students need the lesson from beginning to end--how to access their materials, what to do with them and how to put them away when they are done. I have found that to be a comparatively small investment of time when it comes to running a classroom as an only teacher with many students. The children become autonomous enough to carry out age appropriate tasks and to help each other when needed. It culminates in more time spent learning and exploring as a community and less time tending to the vast array of individual needs throughout the day. 

Life at home with children is a bit different. The house is a family space and children are members of the family community. The space itself must accommodate a different set of developmental needs: those of both the adults and differently aged children. While I always dreamed I'd be the parent to foster independence in my own children as I do in my students. it's often "easier" and "faster" to do things for them. Dinner is completed more quickly when I make it myself. We can get into the car a lot sooner if I put my toddler's shoes on and pack snacks and water ahead of time. That said, this toddler will be attending that same Montessori-inspired Jewish preschool in the fall! He will learn from his teachers how to independently navigate his classroom space and contribute to his classroom community. As a parent and as a teacher, I value the connection between home and school. 

S is definitely of the age now that he often wants to do things by himself. And sometimes he also still wants help or to have things done for him--those are moments I know that he is particularly grappling with his role as big brother and bigger kid. I aim to minimize our battles, to empower him to achieve mastery over age appropriate tasks and to continue to fill him with the feelings of being nurtured and cared for that he still craves and needs. And one of the ways I can best achieve this in our home is by setting up our living space so that he is able to access the things he needs throughout the day independently. Toys,books, art supplies, artwork, dishes and cleaning supplies, self care supplies like tissues, towels and wipes, even clothing and shoes must be available and accessible to all of the members of the household--not just those over 3 feet tall! And as much as I joke about yearning for the day that has finally arrived, when my toddler could be counted on to fetch things for me so I wouldn't have to get up and get them myself, I see the benefit for him in being able to access and choose the things he wants. Beyond that, by doing so independently, I eliminate many of the battles we experience on a daily level over controlling those choices.

At the beginning of last summer, I revisited my copy of  Patricia Oriti's At Home with Montessori. This concise volume takes the reader room by room through the family living space with practical suggestions on how to incorporate Montessori's philosophy and appeal to children's natural desire and need to actively participate in family life and functions. At the time, S was still pretty new to walking and quite a bit shorter! Room by room, I incorporated some small changes both from ideas taken from the book as well as my own creativity to make our space more accessible to S. This was truly helpful as well when I was newly pregnant with Y and not feeling well enough to get up and down all day! 

Each space and each room is an opportunity for the family to coexist and connect with one another. When we portray each of the family members' preferences, personalities and needs in these spaces, it's truly a reflection of each individual and not just the adults or just the children. As a result, there are really no spaces that are only for adults or only for kids here. Partly due to small living space and partly due to our preference, nearly every room is family friendly! The only exception is the bedroom my husband and I share--but even though it's not typically a room our children are in past infancy, it is still one that contains artwork by S on the walls and stuffed animals on the beds! When it comes to setting up your home, a living space is as personal and individual as the people in it. There is not one right or wrong way. We do what works best for our families as they grow and evolve. As our families change, so, too, do our living spaces. My home may not be featured in Good Housekeeping anytime soon, but it is a genuine reflection of each of the people in it. I've shared plenty of my practical tips for playroom set-up here, and now I'm happy to share a short series of posts on how we set up other areas of our home to be family accessible along with some activities for teaching practical life skills.

 I do want to stress that I am not a strict Montessorian. I do what works best at the time in both my home and in classrooms when I'm teaching. While many of the ideas in these posts have a Montessori flavor, that method is not the only ingredient in my personal recipe for success. I love many of the aspects of the Montessori method and I also value other philosophies in conjunction with it. I think that children learning to navigate their environments independently and contribute toward the functioning of family and classroom life is vital. I also think that especially today, children also need to engage in meaningful abstract play. My intention for my home is that it is a space where both of these functions are easily attainable. In her time, Maria Montessori stressed the importance of the classroom being a learning and work environment; play surely happened in abundance at home. Nowadays, academia has taken a huge shift from very early on. More and more, children are pushed at a very early age to develop skills by kindergarten that once were not prevalent in the classroom until kindergarten or even first grade. Fewer early childhood classrooms have open time to play and fewer children have open space and opportunities to explore the outdoors in the way that many of us did when we were their age. For this reason, I have been particularly play-based in my home preschool approach and even as S begins formal preschool in the Fall, I'd like our home to still be a play-based haven for him when he returns. Learning happens in many ways and in many venues!

Join us tomorrow when I'll offer a peek into our Dining space, a space that truly gathers the family over one of our favorite activities: eating! Ironically enough, my husband and I will be fasting tomorrow in observance of Tisha b'Av...so we've truly set up that space to be one S can independently access just in time!