How the Danish Concept of Hygge Has Inspired Me to Do Less

I first heard about the Danish concept of hygge (pronounced h(y)oo-guh) on a homesteading podcast a few weeks ago. (Don't even ask why I listen to podcasts about homesteading!) While there is no English word that directly translates, it is defined as:

"a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture)"

...and when I saw an online professional development course offered on adding hygge into the classroom, I was intrigued. I am adulting so hard right now that this is actually the only thing I bought on sale over the Thanksgiving weekend!

I have always had an appreciation for spaces in classrooms and homes that are aesthetically pleasing. I have not, however, always had a talent in implementing that. I get what I call Pinterest or Instagram Syndrome and from there, complete paralysis. Additionally, setting up shop in a small space and on a limited budget and with lots of little people involved brings forth unique challenges. I went into this course thinking I'd get some design ideas (and I did), but more of what I got was the distinct desire to do less.

I can remember some years back when I was running a peer group for parents and professionals working with children that "after hours" on session, a woman I greatly admire who was in her late 40s at the time shared the following:
"When I grow up, I want to do less." 
That expression stuck with me like gum to the bottom of a shoe.

Hygge is a word that is hard to pronounce, harder to define, but easy to implement. It is more about adding in elements that bring you joy and comfort rather than banishing everything that does not. It is more about connecting the sacred to the mundane rather than saving "special things" for "special occasions." And in these darker months, I have such a desire to draw in. Such a longing to slow down. But there's such a lengthy list of things to do from which very little, if any at all can be crossed off.

So I gave myself permission to drink tea while I do afternoon carpool. To knit while my children are still awake. I put in the effort and time to set up our play space with some of our favorite traditional December play themes. I even created a teeny tiny cozy corner for the kids to read and snuggle up in. And I also "cleaned up" the Eiffel Tower of STUFF on the side tables next to my own cozy space on the couch. And by "cleaned up," I mean I stuffed it all in a tote bag in the back of a closet location that shall not be disclosed. Because it was more important right now to turn on my salt lamp, light a favorite candle and be present with the people I set up this home for.

These winter months are filled with reasons to celebrate. Holidays, birthdays, gatherings and more. It's a great deal of fun and not necessarily designed for those of us who may be more introverted. So I cling to a favorite mug and the soft textures of wool yarn and re-reading the Little House on the Prairie books for the millionth time because I want to do less. And today--I will!

Today, the boys will have a coveted movie night. They will probably want to watch it in their new Cozy Corner. We will drink hot cider and eat peanut butter toast for snack. I might "get stuff done" or I might just slip my feet into some really warm socks, sit on the couch and snuggle up with a cozy kid or baby or ball of yarn...

Maria Kondo would probably have a picnic at my house. I've been told my living room resembles a preschool classroom; I take this as a compliment. But truthfully, following "rules" of interior design is not my strong suit. I'm a both/and kind of gal in every sense of the word. Which is why the concept of hygge speaks so much to me. There's not a specific definition of what is in the environment but rather the meaning that it holds to each person in that space. There's not a regimen of things to do but rather a feeling of contentment that should be present regardless of what you are doing. So I won't be minimizing my book collection to only 30 volumes (I balk at the thought of this), but I will be clinging more closely to things that spark joy in me and the people who spark joy as well. I love that the concept of incorporating hygge into a space involves making that space accessible to everyone in it (how Montessori of the Danish to include this!) I do have a decent skill set in setting up our home to be functional for the kids and sometimes the adults--but what gets lost in the shuffle sometimes is my own presence in it.

So today I will do less. And maybe tomorrow, too. And perhaps I'll play a bit instead of just watching from the sidelines. And maybe you will try it, too...

Happy Playing!

Officially Outnumbered!

Well, this post is a bit off topic from my usual discussions of play and play activities, but we are excited to announce the arrival of our newest playmate, a beautiful baby girl born this past Sunday afternoon at 4:33PM, weighing in at 6lbs, 11oz. And while we've been outsmarted from the start, Baby N officially makes us happily outnumbered parents! And since I love a good story, here's the story of her eager arrival...

We seem to have a Family Mold...

S, Version 1.0

Y, Version 2.0

Baby N--this girl is gonna need some spunk and a bow!

Netflix & Gestate: I think whatever you binge watch while pregnant translates into your labor and delivery experience. During my pregnancy with S, I binge watched Call the Midwife. The plot line of his labor was a bit slow to unfold, involved a lot of background details along with some setting and character development. The narrator (OB) had a soothing voice and stoic demeanor (he was a lawyer before entering medical school) and the last 15 minutes was utterly exhilarating! During pregnancy with Y, I binge watched Grey's Anatomy. Labor was text book. He arrived on his due date in the OR via c-section. I, however, was heavily medicated after 3 hours of trying to push his giant head out the other way while doing astonishing stunts and Yoga poses with a hand up me like a puppet. Quite clinical, lots of medical terminology and blue scrubs, but super thought provoking and inspiring. And once I finally got to hold him, he was totally McDreamy. With N, I went back to basics and binge watched Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, fully preparing myself to naturally deliver in the woods while in full colonial garb, perhaps using a feather from the hat of my scruffy husband to cut the cord. And while I did (barely) make it to the hospital from the woods, I also had a natural delivery and no epidural. My gown had a few less ruffles, my petticoats were disposable mesh (which is a good thing because I was fresh out of laundered petticoats at home) and I did cut the umbilical cord myself, but I used medical grade scissors and my midwife's name was not Sully, it was Laura.

A Girl Scout is Always Prepared but I dropped out of the Girl Scouts after the second grade and joined 4H... So we obviously knew we were expecting. (Anyone who's ever had contractions on a toilet must question those on shows like I Was Pregnant and I Didn't Know It who actually give birth on one...) But, we may have been a little sluggish on getting certain things ready. I mean, we bought a minivan. But we didn't replace the infant car seat. Or pack a hospital bag. Or have any clothes washed to pack in that proverbial hospital bag. And Pesach preparation and celebration kind of took over. And we had some babysitters lined up. For three weeks from now, around the due date. Two out of three were out of town for the holiday. And while most women nest in the end of pregnancy, I go waddling around the hardware store looking for DIY projects involving nails, wood and garden stakes. I pitch and write a few blog posts. I organize my teaching materials and sort my seeds. So...yeah... We had some running lists of things to do, food I might want at the hospital and afterward (being strictly Kosher and gluten free means we bring all of our own food from home). We sort of had a plan in place, and here's what actually happened...

Speaking of Planning... Having had two very differently sized babies previously, one natural delivery and one C-section, we knew we wanted to be a little more prepared for what to expect and how to proceed this time. We also like a little element of surprise, so we refrained from finding out the gender. I, however had a very strong feeling we were having a girl. So much so, that I would not have been angry or disappointed had things turned out the other way, but I would have been kind of upset I was wrong! (I love being right! I've been right three for three now.) We did, however, do an ultrasound last Thursday to get a sense of size and position. Baby was (not giant) head down and closer to S-sized than Y-sized. I talked to the OB and we planned, knowing that the threshold for waiting would be shorter, to try for a natural delivery. I had been cooking all morning to get ready for the second yomtov days of Pesach to begin at sundown that evening and having monster karate chop in the uterus contractions that subsided only when I turned the (filled only with soapy water) food processor on for 20 minutes to scare the boys out of the kitchen and ate half a Pesach cake by myself. I mentioned this to my doctor and she said "I'm fine with you going into labor tomorrow, you'll be 37 weeks and full term." I said, "tomorrow doesn't work for me, it's a holiday, but Saturday night would be fine." Then I made a plan to help a friend with something briefly on Saturday night and we went into the final days of the holiday.

Ok, OK, Just Get Outta Here! In the story of the Exodus we retell each year at Pesach, we recall that Pharoah and the Egyptians were given 10 plagues, 10 warnings before Pharoah finally consented to let the Jewish people go. So you'd think that meanwhile we'd be packing and preparing. You know, gathering our stuff and maybe baking some bread for the road? Our eventual plan, no matter how long it took, was to leave Mitzrayim, right? But, no! Instead, we busted out with only enough time to bake some crappy cracker from only flour and water because we didn't quite manage to head to the grocery store either for additional ingredients. We'd been pretty busy with some DIY projects and building stuff, you know... Similarly, we also hadn't quite made it to the grocery store post Pesach. We hadn't done laundry. I never packed a hospital bag and our suitcases were in the storage unit. And as I mentioned earlier, with no car seat we couldn't even come home from the hospital if we did end up going! So during those last two days of Pesach, when I woke up with those killer karate chop contractions again and again, I willed them off with threats, ultimatums and grape juice. I had plans on Saturday night, remember? I was also extremely sleepy. I took more naps in two days than I have in the last 2 years. But when Saturday came, I fulfilled my plans, came home and went to bed. At 2:30 my water broke. The same thing happened (even at the same time) when I went into labor with Y.
I went back to bed kind of paralyzed by my lack of planning and preparing. I did cancel my playgroup event scheduled for this week. I renewed my library materials. I mentioned the pending concern to my husband. He went back to bed. I decided to pack a bag. A very small bag. Because that's all we had a home and I had a very small amount of clean laundry including absolutely nothing for a baby. I willed those contractions to wait because I wanted to stay until morning. We needed to get a babysitter for the boys and that proved a little trickier than planned, so guess whose entire family got into the van and came to the hospital the next morning? And guess who held (very gently) her 4 year old's hand, walking to the entrance through a very strong contraction? And guess who is so religious now that she basically ate only pesachdik food for 2 extra days?

My kids are so literal. They take ultimatums very seriously. And when I said "Saturday night would be fine," she went for it. On Sunday morning, we all started together in the labor and delivery room. As much as I didn't plan for the boys to come along, I'm so glad they did. S and Y were a little scared and very excited. S had really wanted to see an ultrasound and hear the heartbeat and he finally got to. "It's so quiet!" he remarked when he heard the monitor. Then they started singing the Baby Shark Song. It was time for everyone to go home. Contractions were very sporadic but the midwife on call was comfortable letting me keep going without intervention as long as 24 hours to see if things would kick in naturally. I listened to music. I texted friends and family members and my husband. I walked. I bounced on the ball. I even did crunches on the ball, you know, to get my body beach ready...and get some contractions going.
Everything seemed to be moving along slowly at the hospital that morning. I overheard nutrition come deliver a grilled cheese and fries to the lady next door. I was jealous. Until I also overheard she'd been there for 2 days. TWO DAYS! And she was still in labor. (But she was also still eating grilled cheese and fries. Did I mention I'm jealous?) My husband was running around frantically trying to get things ready at home (including turning our kitchen back over, finding sitters, buying a car seat and helping with the boys...he's pretty good at multitasking). I had a great nurse helping and I was initially sad it wouldn't be my own OB on call, but the midwife was incredible. G-d really puts the people you need in the room with you in the room with you!

Plot Twist: And Guess Who Walked In Next? When I was in labor with Y, I had an incredible L&D nurse supporting me. She labored with me for all 12 hours of her shift. She had a million tricks to try up her sleeve and she held my hand when I cried after 3 hours of pushing and knew we'd need a C-Section. We waited one more hour after that for the OR to be ready and her shift was ending in 5 minutes. I thanked her and wished her well going home to her own then 18 month old. She'd made an intensely vulnerable experience one of the most empowering ones of my life. And then, as I was wheeled to the OR, she met me in the hallway, after her shift, scrubbed up and ready to join in off the clock. I had a thank you note for her and a gift I held on to for 2 years and was embarrassed to never have sent. When the door opened and my new L&D nurse walked in and said she'd had a change in her shift and a new nurse would be taking over, she apologized and added "but I think you'll like your new nurse--it's the same one who was there when your son was born!" I couldn't believe it! Two years and one week later, here we were again!

"Comfort" Measures During Labor Tuvia finally made it back before 3PM. Things were still slow. I have a lot of comfort measures that work for me during labor, but mostly I was feeling great, if not a bit bored. My nurse came to check in and I mentioned that three things seemed to bring on contractions for me. Being really hungry. Being really thirsty. And being suddenly stressed out. I'd already been hungry. I was so thirsty I was drinking like a fish. It was time for some stress. And it came! My husband got a call from home and our meat oven had inadvertently just become treif (unkosher); S was eating a cheese sandwich from it! So we currently had no oven at all. The dairy one was still in storage. We also had no food to cook, so that was pretty much a moot point. Did I mention I was hungry? I had such a craving for a grilled cheese and fries... I asked him to call a Rav and fix it. And also not to take anymore phone calls in the room. So, meanwhile, phone calls from a particular family member that he didn't take in the room started to come to the front desk with angry and embittered demands to know information on our status and the whereabouts of my husband. Aaaaand there it was. Stress. The contractions started to progress. I asked for an epidural and the nurse called anesthesiology. I needed a bag of saline for 15 minutes and then I could have my epidural. Meanwhile, I sent my husband out to call a certain family member, thinking we'd all be back together getting that epi-goodness in just a bit...

But... things went a lot faster than expected. And by a lot faster, I mean that in 15 minutes or so when the bewildered anesthesiologist came in with his magical cart of pain management, I had just enough space between pushing out my baby au natural and the next contraction to say "sorry 'bout that" and push again. And it was shocking. And I was tired. I'd felt oddly compelled all morning to listen to two songs by Vienna Teng on repeat: "Soon Love, Soon" and "Daughter," but now my mind was silent. The world was at once standing still and rushing by me. And the only thing that kept me going was to say "soon, so soon" with each push because I knew it was almost over and I'd hold my baby and be done.  And that Johnny Cash song "Ring of Fire" does not do justice to the Ring of Fire, but I hummed it in my head anyway. And then she was out. And she was a girl! And I was right! (Did I mention I love being right?) And I was done! And I didn't throw up! And I don't have to make a bris on the 8th day! And my experiences of labors and delivery and our family all felt so incredibly complete and whole.

It Wasn't How I Planned It, It Was Better We all know the saying "we plan, G-d laughs." I had a lot of plans about how this would go down. Some of them panned out. Some didn't. I couldn't have asked for anything better than what actually happened. I never felt strongly pro or against epidurals. I used them with my first two labors because it felt like the best option when labors were long and I got tired. I assumed I'd have one at some point with this labor and I didn't. It was so incredibly amazing to have that experience in my repertoire. I was never glued to delivering one way or the other. My hospital board had two items under the "goals" category: Healthy Baby and No Vomiting. I achieved both, thank G-d. (At one point my husband had to choose quickly between holding my hand and staying with me or leaving the room to get a bucket. Either way, if everything failed, he was going to have to wipe #2 off the board.) And everything happened as it was meant to. Everyone in the story was meant to be there. Every detail was just as it needed to be. There may have been a script and a plot line, but our Holy Babysitter is in charge of that. We just carry out the roles and lines down here. And I am so over the moon with our bundle of joy; we all are. Baby N's first same means "Comfort" and she truly lives up to it. Through a very uncomfortable pregnancy and a whirlwind of being so ready and not ready at all and through the settling of the dust at home and a roller coaster of emotions and hormones, she is Comfort. Her full name is after a great and inspiring Jewish leader and I have no doubt she will live up to that as well. She is already full of squish and spunk. Some pink and bows will be added in due time...

Welcome to the family, sweet girl. May you grow to Torah, to Chuppah and to Ma'asim Tovim (good deeds), and, of course, years and years of happy playing!

Peter Rabbit Garden Party

I am pretty big on birthdays here but not so much of a party person. It seems like as soon as I throw in the pressure of a birthday party to creating themed activities, all of my creativity flies out of the window! But one thing we did implement here as of Y's first birthday just over a year ago is the family only party. It seemed silly at first to have a party with just the four of us, but it was so much fun, S wanted one, too and we've kept it going.

Y turned two this year! His English birthday fell on the same day as Purim, right after the first day of Spring. His Jewish birthday was over Shabbat, so this past Sunday we had his family party at home with a Peter Rabbit Garden theme. Y has loved playing and planting in our garden and both of the boys love Beatrix Potter books right now. S may have been a bit more cognizant of birthday celebrations at nearly 5 than Y is at just 2 (and in related news, he's already told me he wants a Peter Rabbit Garden Party for his birthday this summer, too). To combat my party panic induced lack of inspiration, I perused the internet for ideas--but in the end, I selected a very simple menu and activities list. We kept it short and sweet and tailored to the tastes and interests of everyone here (especially the birthday boy!) because going overboard and showing up exhausted to the party was just not an option for me this year. (I kind of overdid it last year with the boys' carnival themed parties.) And you know what? Everyone had a great time! There were just the right number of activities. It was not overwhelming, it moved at a reasonable pace and Y (and S for that matter) were still talking about it this morning!

The best thing about a Peter Rabbit Garden themed party is how seamlessly it fits into our family life right now. (I may have slightly selfishly suggested it strongly...) And the ideas here can easily be implemented into your own garden themed party, lesson plans and/or family activities.

The Menu:

Purim. Birthdays. So MANY treats. And with just weeks before Pesach, there are a lot of foods that are on the move list here as it is. When it comes to family birthday dinners, we want to include the birthday star's favorite foods. Y loves a lot of foods (basically every food he's ever tasted) and especially loves meat, corn on the cob and hummus. What can I say? We decided on hot dogs and french fries for the main dinner fare, of course, with a side of corn on the cob. And no party is complete without cake and ice cream--so we shlepped some really good ice cream home from our last family trip to Baltimore and Tatty made an ice cream cake. We also bought cupcakes. Oh well, so much for the lighter fare after all these weeks of endless treats. But we started it off with a quaint little theme related snack course of veggie sticks seemingly right out of Mr. McGregor's garden, homemade dill dip and some "garden fruit smoothies." 



I often go all out of paper goods and decorations for parties. It's a lot of waste. On the other hand, with a lot of dishes being used, it does make it a bit easier when you can just wrap up the disposable tablecloth at the end and toss it all. I tried to fall somewhere in the middle this time. We used our regular tablecloth and cover (it happens to have such a lovely floral print that it fits right in). We bought some floral and rabbit themed paper plates and napkins (I think these were intended for another upcoming holiday and not my son's birthday party, but it works!), and Y really liked a set of sparkly plastic silverware he saw at the store when we were picking out the plates. I stashed that inside an empty planting pot--it was adorable! We also set out our "Veggie Patch" and "Garden Fruit Smoothies" in advance (we already had plastic cups and straws) and it was time for the party to begin!


The Activities:

I will admit that I worried I didn't have enough activities for the boys. I don't know why. It's crazy to think that two boys need ten different party activities or that given the opportunity, they can't also come up with ten more once the main ones are done or in between waiting for one to be finished before starting the next. So I really only had a couple of hands on activities planned plus face/hand/arm painting. We already had a set of face paint crayons from last year and with my limited artistic abilities, I figured we could have some fun with bunny noses and whiskers, and a few simple drawings of favorite vegetables and fruits. I may or may not have been seen sitting on my front stoop yesterday with a pink nose and black whiskers across my cheeks. S wanted strawberries drawn on each of his hands and a carrot on each arm. Y followed suit. Everyone had a bath last night!

Peter Rabbit Mini Gardens: I saw this idea in Sharon Lovejoy's fabulous book on gardening with children, Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots. We upcycled a very old pair of rainboots of mine. I put my husband and boys up to the task of pounding drainage holes in the soles while I ran errands in the morning. I hear they had a lot of fun with this part. Y had accompanied me to the garden nursery last week to pick out a parsley and chamomile plant. We also had some radish seeds and short and sweet carrot seeds for planting. I prepped each boot with potting soil leaving just enough space at the top to sow seeds and stick in one of the plants before having each boy scoop a bit more potting soil over the top and sides. Y chose a little of each type of seed and the parsley plant. S picked just carrot seeds and the chamomile, which he says he would like to try as some tea like Peter Rabbit the next time he has a tummy ache. I have idea if the carrots and radishes will grow successfully beneath the herb plants, but the boots are so whimsical out there in our front garden and this was the perfect way to give them one last shot at life now that they were no longer suitable for my feet. (I did however trick my husband and tell him I'd changed my mind and wanted to wear them again after all!)

Veggie Printed Reusable Farmers Market Bags
I knew I wanted to do some veggie print painting and I also had a couple of bunny shaped cookie cutters for Peter Rabbit stamping. Initially I thought we'd just make some paintings on paper with tempera paints--but how cute would it be to make a set of reusable Farmers Market/snack pouches? I love these canvas pouches for packing up snacks on the go or bringing to the market for produce. So I swapped in the fabric paints we had on hand and set out the ends/tops of the veggies I'd prepped for our snack along with the bunny cookie cutters and each of the boys decorated one.

I love that the project is something we can actually use as opposed to just a picture to hang up. Everyone was amazed at the flower shapes that the celery bottom and bell pepper tops made! And no one tried to eat fabric paint covered veggie scraps--phew!

The Goody "Bag:" I think the Goody Bag eventually became my favorite part of all birthday parties growing up. It was always exciting to wait for the party--whether it was your own or a friend's. It was always fun to be at the party and eat the treats and play the games, but it was also always a little sad when it was over--except when you got a goody bag on the way out! In a way, it kept the party going just a little longer. Many times goody bags are loaded with candies and cheap toys. Those are fun and traditional (and there are some of those things in here as well), but rather than go all out on a lot of this kind of thing, I kept it simple and took a creative spin. Instead of the classic bag approach, each boy got a large plastic planter from the dollar store along with a small (but "real") gardening trowel and fork. They will each get to decide what to plant and grow in these pots--this will be their very own garden to tend to. I will definitely help them as needed, but they get to be in charge of their personal "plot" this season. And because no goody "bag" or bucket is complete without some toys and treats, we also added some "cotton tails" (cotton candy) and "magic beans" (jelly beans) inside of these little bunny bags. They also each got some bunny shaped crayons (it sure is handy having your Peter Rabbit themed birthday fall near a holiday with a bunny theme), a jar of playdough, a jar of sparkly slime and a carrot shaped bubble necklace. They got to take it outside to play in our garden and set off some firecrackers leftover from S's last birthday with their Tatty while Mommy did a bit of clean up and sitting down!

Everyone came in covered in chocolate, sweat, face paint, mud and smiles. A birthday party success! And of course, an obligatory shot of Y going into the cake face first because there are many ways to eat a birthday cake but there is only one right way!

So whether you snag some of these ideas for your own garden or gardening theme, or even your own garden party, I hope you have some good, messy, Peter Rabbit style mischievous fun. We'll be back soon and until then...


Happy Birthday, Y and Happy Playing!

Music-making with Young Children (and Grown-ups, too!)

Last year on the day of S's 4th birthday, I took him to the dollar store to pick out anything he wanted. What could possibly go wrong for $1? I'll tell you what can go wrong for a dollar...

Yup, that's his "flute," and it was "just like" the one a favorite teacher of his played. Oh. Dear.

So fast forward to a couple of [very loud] days later, and S had taken his favorite flute to bed with him. Well, I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I kind of sort of accidentally [I think] stepped on it while it was on the floor next to his bed and, um, it broke...

Clearly nothing a little tape couldn't fix...

The Mommy-guilt set in and we headed back to the dollar store for flute #2...

...and eventually upgraded to a "real" recorder after that. Although this one lives upon a high bookshelf for proper protection from my accident prone feet in between jam sessions.

It's true, my boys love music. Their parents are also recovering musicians. My husband played guitar for years and was even in a heavy metal band at one point (no, I can't actually imagine this, either). I was between the ages Y and S are now when I started to play songs I heard by ear on toy pianos, xylophones and anything else I could get my fingers on. This culminated in 15 years of classical piano training, over a hundred original compositions and some years of saxophone lessons and band geekery in there as well. 

The benefits of musical exposure and training in young children is proven and documented in respected long-term studies again and again. However, even beyond that, making music for young children is a very natural creative process. And this can continue well into adulthood! Both of my boys have gone through what I refer to as the Everything-is-a-Drum Phase.

...even an actual drum...

....or simply a set of metal spoons and pans outside!

S's drumming phase was closely followed by his Everything is a Flute Phase, and Y requests to play the guitar (a ukulele) every day when he wakes up in the morning and again after his naps. Every so often S will ask to have a music party at night, which means we get out the whole basket of instruments (even the ones strategically hidden on the top shelf or in the back of the kids' closet) and jam!

Every Jam Band needs a conductor...

I wouldn't say it's quite Carnegie Hall worthy...yet, but these hootenannies are such great fun for us all! And I'm not sure if either of the boys will pursue music through formal study, but I do know that allowing for exposure to instruments in our home and encouraging their natural interest and creativity, we are planting some pretty important seeds regardless of what fruits they come to bear.

So when other parents ask me what are the most important toys and playthings for babies and young children, I always include musical instruments on that list. My husband's musical pursuits likely stemmed in part from his very musically talented mother. My own parents were not particularly musical themselves. The one thing both of us had in common was exposure to musical instruments and encouragement. And not just toy instruments, but real ones as well. My home (and my husband's) had real instruments we could touch. We both grew up near music studios or schools that allowed and encouraged children to touch and use real instruments--even very old or delicate ones. And so I stock our own collection of instruments with a collection of musical toys (maracas, bells, tambourines, xylophones, etc.), homemade ones (shakers and percussion instruments) and "real" ones, too. 

I have found beautiful drums and percussion instruments (as well as toy sets) at secondhand shops and thrift stores. These are great places to look (along with garage sales) for instruments that are still in their prime but looking for a set of hands or lips to help them make their melodies. Building your band need not break the bank and never forget the inherent value in a set of pots and pans and a wooden spoon. If (like me) you are averse to very loud sounds, you can be selective about when instruments come out for play. And you can also take this pro-tip from a 4 year old boy I know and love: if it's too loud, just play louder yourself! Yes, I encourage you (the grown-ups) to join in the jam sessions, too. It's a great way to lift everyone's spirits on a dreary winter's eve or just to have some casual and creative family fun. 

The outdoors is a great space to take your musical play times (though this can get trickier when you live in close quarters with neighbors). If your space permits, a consider building a sound wall. (There are many great ideas for construction on Pinterest). You'll need a collection of pots, pans and recyclables either thrifted or rescued from the recycling bin/trash/donation heap and some carefully selected sticks or wooden spoons for mallets. If you don't have the space for a permanent wall, a basket stocked with these types of materials is perfect (and they can double for use in your Mud Kitchen).

In general, when building up an instrument collection, don't forget to inquire with friends, family and neighbors. Somebody, somewhere, has an instrument (or two or ten) collecting dust in the attic and awaiting a new loving home!

And to extend the fun, I highly recommend family field trips to music shops (especially kid friendly ones where children are encouraged and allowed to test out or see how instruments work) and attending musical performances in your community when possible. 

Wishing you all a home filled with melodious magic and, as always...

Happy Playing!

The Day We Had a Birthday Party for my Son's Imaginary Friend (and Why)...

When we were growing up, my big sister had an imaginary friend, Kimmy Grape. Naturally, as with anything my big sister had, I was jealous. I circulated through multiple imaginary acquaintances of my own, including Johnny Strawberry,  a set of boy/girl twins, respectively named Sean and Shawn and numerous others whose names I can't recall. Sadly, none of these relationships developed into the kind of quality relationship my sister had with Kimmy Grape. So when S developed a fictional friendship with a young character named Jerome, I was more than a little eager to see where it would go.

Jerome lived in S's belly button and was discovered there a bit after Y was born. Shortly thereafter, Jerome moved out of his belly button home and has since lived in many nearby and faraway locations, depending on where we are and where we might be traveling to. It has become apparent that he also lives with a character named Sallie and that they have a mother living there as well, though I am not clear as to the status of their relationship. It was also recently revealed that Jerome is 37 years old. Jerome was very prevalent in S's life as he adjusted to big changes like siblinghood, getting used to being in preschool and toilet training last year. He became less frequently active in S's life over the summer and into this year, but still emerges in conversation when something exciting, new or anxiety provoking is happening. He is reachable by phone--



Early this week, S announced the exciting news that Jerome was having a birthday, specifically on Tuesday!

He proceeded to write an invitation, stuff it in an envelope, secure it with a sticker and placed it in his toy mailbox. I proceeded to party plan. After all, everyone has a birthday and everyone who has a birthday ought to have a party! We started the morning before school by decorating birthday cards. S decided to make and mail some additional invitations. Then he went off to school for the day and I headed to the store to pick up some party plates, napkins and balloons. The boys had pizza and "Frenchy fries" for supper. We had cupcakes for dessert. We decorated party hats and even a chair for our invisible honored guest. S and Y used leftover wrapping paper, tape, scissors and recycled boxes to wrap "presents" for the birthday boy. They even got little goody bags at the end. But why go through all this trouble and silliness for a fictional birthday celebration?

Because childhood is short. Because it's the middle of winter and for two days it had been too cold to play outside. Because on the heels of a visit to family up north, Tu b'Shevat and the annual Jewish Food Festival here, we needed something else to celebrate. And because sometimes you don't need a reason to celebrate but you do need a cupcake on a Tuesday afternoon. Soon--a lot sooner than I'd care to admit--Jerome will vanish from conversation altogether. He will become a name reminisced about about with humor and nostalgia. S knows fact from fiction. I don't worry about his relationship with Jerome, because he has many healthy relationships with factual people as well, both his peers and significant adults. He has a tender and vast imagination and even larger than that is the size of his heart. I don't know if he will remember Jerome's Birthday Party when he grows up or even if he will remember Jerome. But I like to think that he will. And I know that Jerome, although we cannot see him, has helped my son through life experiences of all kinds. For that, I am so very grateful! Happy Birthday, Jerome, wherever you may be, and to everyone else...

Happy Playing!

(Too) Many Cooks in the Kitchen: Coping & Cooking With Tiny Sous Chefs

I took it upon myself to start cooking or baking with my kids once a week, each Thursday afternoon. I might be brave. I might be a glutton for punishment. I might be totally out of my mind. I come from a long line of women who love to be in the kitchen. Alone. I love order, cleanliness, and have a taste for perfection (or at least close to it) in my culinary adventures. I have a four year old and an 18 month old. They love full body sensory experiences. They love when our space reflects that from wall to wall, corner to corner. They have a refined taste for experience.

When I was in my early twenties, a wise friend once told me that investing time to cook with your children means having "helpers and hinderers" in the kitchen with you. I chuckled at this idea for years, but I took it to heart. On the one hand, she was clear that this was an INVESTMENT of time and effort. And on the other, she recognized with humor and empathy that the struggle of it is real. Even in my own home growing up, my kitchen was at times open to learning how to bake and cook with my mother. Early on in my life I learned to bake some favorite desserts independently. My mother likely preferred to cook and bake alone for the most part without children underfoot, and even then, she was creative in having activities to occupy us in the kitchen and out of the way, such as a chalk board wall where I could draw or wash away doodles with a wet sponge.

Of course, I imagined as a parent, creating memories with and for my children of baking together and trying new recipes or learning family favorites. I imagined fostering independence and competence in my children as they mastered kitchen skills like peeling vegetables and cutting them up for soup. I imagined my kids tasting all kinds of healthy foods and developing healthy habits as they came to understand the beautiful process of our meals evolving from garden and farm to table to tummy. And it would be peaceful and calm and warm and fuzzy. And here's the reality of our weekly cooking days: the good, the bad and the ugly (a.k.a.: my kitchen floor)...

We do the same thing again and again. Many weeks we spend our Thursdays making "Stone Soup" for Shabbos. Early in the week, my sons each pick out a vegetable from the grocery store to add to our soup. Y was quite enamored with his turnip on this week. S chose a leek that "made [his] eyes wet" when he chopped it up! We always add a secret ingredient at the beginning of our soup when I saute the onions and garlic: a peeled, chopped apple! This gives the soup a bit of extra sweetness and adds a unique layer of flavor. We do try new recipes at times, but I feel no guilt over repeating the same one week after week using whatever veggies we have on hand. The repetition and routine is as nourishing as the soup itself.

My photos look so beautiful but I'm dying a little inside! Oh. My. Goodness. This kitchen is a disaster zone. Breathe. Let go. Repeat.

This is as much an exercise for me as it is for them. For them it is an exercise in washing, peeling, cutting, collecting into a bowl, following instructions, mixing, and more... For me, it is an exercise in letting go, remaining calm and finding joy in the imperfection. Every week I have to actively engage my "calming muscles" to slow down and step back. Water is splashing everywhere as Y scrubs our apples for mini apple pie pockets. S is eager to peel and cut and he is quite competent in it, but I still panic over those tiny little fingers. S and Y are fighting over turns to do a task and suddenly I'm out of tasks to do, so guess what? We're adding some extra cinnamon! Our veggies are crinkle cut in all kinds of sizes and shapes. There's still some peel on the potato. I lost track of how much salt just got pinched and sprinkled over the soup. Y is mouthing raw challah dough and S ate all the raisins besides for one he declared as the belly button of his challah! There are a lot of dishes when we're done--way more than when I cook and bake alone. Breathe in, breathe out. It's OK. That spilled water will do a great deal to help sop up the schmutz on the kitchen floor and the numerous dish towels that will need to now be washed anyway can help dry it up on their way to the laundry pile. S is actually quite aware of where his fingers are and rather than running to interject words like "be careful!" and instilling undue anxiety, I can offer a simple statement of "be mindful of where your helping hand is." Repeating the same cooking activities has helped me to identify "jobs" each boy is particularly successful with and enjoys. Y can spend a great deal of time tending to vegetable washing and S could spend all day working with his knife and peeler. Cooking together also need not mean making the whole recipe from start to finish. Haven't you seen cooking shows on TV? They demonstrate a few aspects of a recipe and pull a beautifully made-for-TV version out of the oven minutes later. The boys are happy to contribute to part of the task and then play in the living room while I finish the next portion. No need to bite off more than we can chew! And as for the soup? It gets pureed at the end and somehow always tastes amazing. But while we're on the topic of tasting...

Just because they made it doesn't mean they'll eat it. We've all heard the experts talk about how even the pickiest eaters will try foods they have helped to prepare. Clearly they have not met my more particular eater. If your goal in cooking with your children is that they eat what you've made, prepare to potentially be disappointed. I had to reframe this goal (often repeatedly) and continue my resolve to present tasting new foods as an option but not a requirement. The soup is always offered; perhaps he will try it and perhaps he will not. It does promote an opportunity for discussion about trying new foods--even scientific ones. Just today, I spoke with S about the fact that most of your taste buds are not at the tip of your tongue (where he prefers to "touch" a new food), but rather in the back of his tongue and mouth. And that his sense of smell also works to make his food taste a certain way (which is why it tastes different when his nose is stuffy). To really taste a food, it needs an opportunity, maybe even more than one, to move through his whole mouth and be swallowed. Nonetheless, there is no pressure or argument or ultimatum about tasting and trying the food. I have decided the intent of the activity is to be together in the kitchen; not necessarily to love the fruits of our labor.

And while we are together in the kitchen... I feel less overwhelmed and less lonely, too! The challenges of functioning in a small kitchen with small sous chefs are real. My anxiety and stress about sharing my kitchen space are not necessarily gone, but I do think that repeatedly exposing myself to opportunities to overcome this are helpful for me. Perhaps most importantly, the weekly tasks of getting ready for Shabbos (and holidays this time of year as well) have often left me feeling overwhelmed and simultaneously guilty for not being able to spend time with my kids. I'm supposed to teach them that all of the work--even the mundane work--that goes into preparing our Shabbos meals and holiday celebrations is joyful work and service. How can I do this when I am a hot mess in the kitchen? How can I do this when I reserve all the tasks for the hours in which they are asleep so that they merely see the end result but none of the tasks that went into it? How can I expect them to appreciate the events that happen in a kitchen--the good, the bad and the ugly burnt honey cake that spilled over the edge of the pan to the bottom of the oven, setting off the smoke detector but still tasted so delicious in the end? I can't.

So I reduce, recycle and delegate. I reduce the menu. I recycle recipes I know we like rather than scouring the books for new things each and every time. I delegate tasks like a good portion of the cooking to my equally talented and competent in the kitchen husband. And I put on some calm music or light a scented candle or sing a song. I take deep breaths and inhale the aromas of freshly baked challahs in the oven or boiling vegetable soup. And when I happen to see that stack of dishes or stray potato peels on the floor, I also happen to see the smile across Y's face as he rinses his purple carrot one more time and the look of concentration on S's face as he masters the angle of the peeler against the thin and stubborn skin of his big honey crisp apple. Here in the kitchen, flops, messes and chaos are all contained and OK. The kids get to see what happens when things work and what happens when they don't. Lessons in nutrition barely skim the surface of the layers and layers of education on problem solving, troubleshooting, success and even failure. They feel so useful and so much a part of our family and so connected to the beauty of preparing for Shabbos and Yom Tov b'simcha (with joy)--that is truly a mitzvah in its own rite--that when I feel the pressure rise higher in my shoulders than it does in our Intsta-Pot, all I have to do is remember my little helpers and hinderers.

Perhaps the single most "efficient" thing I have done to positively impact preparing for Shabbos each week (and yom tovim this time of year) is inviting my children to do so with me. It is an investment I hope their future spouses will thank me for (and maybe that will be reflected in some dinner invitations because by then I'm going to need some time off and maybe a professional cleaning crew in my own kitchen). But their presence in my messy and disorganized and imperfect kitchen increases my own joy and theirs as well. No longer is the weekly cooking a cycle of feeling guilty for not spending time with my kids and then guilty for not feeling happy as I prepare and then worried that they will intuit those feelings of overwhelm as feelings of not actually taking joy in Shabbos or holidays, G-d forbid. My solitary kitchen existence is over for now, but truth be told, I don't miss it all that much. It may have been the most efficient way to feed our tummies, but it left our tanks on empty nonetheless. Cooking with my kids feeds our souls and it's a two bird, one stone kind of deal. That stone can go right into our pot of soup and the dishes can wait. They will still be there after Shabbos and if memory serves me correctly, washing dishes was a task I actually loved when I was their age...maybe I'll enlist some little helping hands...

Until then, happy holidays, happy cooking and, as always, happy playing!

A Very Merry Un-Birthday to YOU!

Is today your birthday? Mine either! But today is everyone in our family's Un-birthday, and that's something to celebrate! Today in S's school, all of the children who have birthdays during the summer got to participate in a special birthday celebration. It truly is so thoughtful and considerate of the principal and his teachers to organize this each year for students and parents who never get to celebrate in school during the academic year (shout out to all you moms who survived being Very Pregnant in the heat of the summer!). It also increases the excitement S feels about his actual birthday, which is still over a month away. Boy is it ever hard to wait! So this afternoon, we are having a Family Un-birthday Celebration. A certain little boy who is *still* 3 is so excited about this, he is singing to himself through nap-time...

An Un-Birthday Celebration can be as simple or elaborate as you like! I chose a few activities I thought the boys would love. So crank up the classic tune from Alice in Wonderland and wish everyone you know who isn't celebrating a birthday today a Very Merry Un-Birthday!

Birthday celebrations at our preschool always involve a walk around the sun through the months of each year. S decorated his very own birthday sun this morning and it's featured on our own family living room rug this afternoon for everyone to get a turn being the Un-Birthday Person. Presents are certainly not a must for an Un-Birthday Celebration, but there's something super fun and exciting about unwrapping one--especially when it's not a birthday or holiday. You can scrounge the closet stash, hit up the dollar store or do what I did, and visit the children's book section of your local thrift store. I always find great books there and love to give them a second life.

I picked up a couple of balloons and put out some party hats, necklaces and party blowers for each family member. After dinner we'll have a surprise ice cream party (especially exciting for S who keeps asking for Shavuot to come back so he can have ice cream again!) and we'll spend our afternoon with a fun Homemade Puffy Paint Cupcake Craft and playing in our Vanilla Cupcake Scented Birthday Bash Sensory Bin.

One of S's favorite things to do in any sensory bin is pretend to make cupcakes. In this one, rainbow rice is meant to resemble sprinkles and an added scent of vanilla extract will leave your mouth watering for the real thing! I tossed in some plastic dishes, birthday candles, birthday confetti, necklaces, blowers, bows and tiny present decorations I had stashed away in a drawer. Both my boys will likely love to play in this one!

If you've never made homemade puffy paint, you really must! You can go buy puffy paint in most craft supply stores, but making your own is super easy and fun. All you need is shaving cream and white glue. If you've ever seen my husband's beard, you know that shaving cream in this house is purely a sensory play product. Squirt about equal amounts of both into a cup (you can't really go wrong here) and add paint or food coloring to get a color you like. Mix with a plastic spoon or craft stick and you're ready to go. Some kids love the feeling of this on their hands for finger painting and others prefer a brush or craft stick to work with it. Either way, it can be helpful to have a wet washcloth nearby. In this activity, I prepped some paper cupcake liners from brown construction paper and printed origami paper. I folded them like a fan and then unfolded and flattened them. Kids can definitely help with this part as well! In the spirit of process art, I always set out the materials all together for this type of craft, but if you do prefer your finished products to resemble a cupcake, you may want to first set out the glue stick and cupcake bottoms and next introduce the puffy paint. Finally you can add in any decorations you like. We are using real sprinkles, birthday confetti and small birthday candles. Once dry, the paint hardens and remains puffy! It's quite fun!

Well, we'll be back (with our next Sprout Scouts Playcamp Theme!!!) soon. Until then, a Very Merry Un-birthday to YOU and, as always...

Happy Playing!