Think Outside the Box Thursday: Woodworking with the Very Young

Nothing goes together like a three year old, some scrap wood and a hammer and nails. Wait, what?! Give a small child real tools and materials? You'd surely be asking for trouble and you may as well buy stock in Band Aid brand while you're at it... Today, however, I am here to say not only that woodworking can be done with young children, but also that it is an incredible tool for building skills in a variety of developmental areas, creativity and confidence (puns, of course, intended).

When I was a preschooler, my nursery school had a room known as The Block Room. Just as the name suggests, there were a variety of wood blocks in the room as well as a functioning woodworking area where a four year old version of me once hammered real nails into real wood making a real couch for a real pet rock. This was the beginning (and until very recently, also the end) of my woodworking career...and I still have all my fingers. In our house, the toy tool box is one of the most often revisited toys. S loves to hammer and tinker and build and fix things. If there is a household repair that needs to be done, he's first in line to help. He was enthralled when he discovered a Dollar Tree purchase gracing his tool box one day: 3 real screw drivers! Before Sukkot, I had a vision of beginning some creative woodworking with him and although we started with a bang (literally), the scrap wood and hammer have been collecting dust and taking up space in our pantry closet for months. We simply do not have the space for a wood shop in our apartment!

S's interest in building did not wane at all. Over the last few months, he's enjoyed playing with his tools, doing woodworking craft kits with his Tatty, even hammering holes in a giant cardboard box we kept for him to play with for a couple of days before it made it to the recycling. If there's something to be "fixed," he will find it; if there is nothing to be fixed, he will find that, too! And as I have been working with our outdoor space and play garden, it occurred to me that this would be the perfect new home for a woodworking station! With a collection of items we already had at home, a few small additions and a little bit of set up, we had an afternoon of child-led tinkering, creativity and fun. S is already planning another afternoon spent "working hard to build with wood" today!

What Will I Need to Create a Woodworking Station? Creating a woodworking station need not require a lot of money. You may have much of what you need already at home. The rest can be inexpensively acquired at second hand stores, discount/big box stores or even garage sales. Many hardware stores have scrap wood and materials they would be happy to donate rather than throw away. Perhaps a friend or relative has some things sitting in the attic or basement they are looking to part with. There were very few items I actually purchased just for the purpose of our woodworking station. One was the toolbox itself as I wanted something durable that could remain outdoors. That said, it is the least expensive model from Walmart! Here's a peek inside and some ideas of what you might include. Choose items that you have or can easily access, add in a few ideas of your own and keep in mind that less is more--you can have a fully functioning and exciting woodworking station with just a hammer, nails and wood!

I used a simple wooden crate to hold our scrap wood collection. We have wood in a variety of sizes and shapes. In the top section of our toolbox, I added a selection of nails in different sizes. Longer nails and nails with a wider head (like roofing tacks) are easier for beginning woodworkers to manipulate. I also have a variety of screws, nuts and bolts. Even manipulating larger nuts and bolts with their fingers is a great fine motor activity for beginning woodworkers. 

Some safety goggles are a playful and functional addition. A notepad and pencils are on the ready for recording blueprints, ideas, capturing memories or taking important notes along the way (even for pre-writers). We had a bunch of brightly colored zip ties leftover from building our sukkah this year and I thought they would make a fun loose part for S to explore.

A construction vest and work apron are a fun way to inspire dramatic play in the process. Somewhere we also have a couple of hardhats in our costume collection that could be a great addition. One of our favorite outdoor activities is "painting" with water, so I included a large paintbrush and roller for this purpose. Perhaps we will bring out some actual paints at some point to add an element of color to our work. A sandpaper block is great for beginning woodworkers to smooth rough edges. I included a collection of tools we already had multiples of at home in our toolbox. I opted for hammers and screw drivers with wide handles for easier gripping and shorter tools whenever possible. I also included an extra tape measure and level we had in our collection. 

Ok, I've got everything! Now what? Utilizing a woodworking station is a bit different than setting out to complete a specific project. It is process oriented and child-led. My role was to provide support and supervision, to give assistance as needed and to answer questions or help problem solve when issues came up. S's role was to explore and experience. He chose the materials and tools he used. He asked questions about what tools were and how to use them. If he needed help to get a nail started, I helped him. When he wanted to practice using a screw driver, we problem solved by using a larger nail to make a wide hole in the wood that would accommodate the screws we had. I ensured that he used tools and materials safely but did not jump in if he was using them in a novel way (like wanting to hammer a nail through a nut).

He sometimes needed help to start a nail into the spot he wanted, but once he got going, he was able to work independently with minimal assistance. He decided he wanted to build "a house." I encouraged him along the way with questions like "what will you add next?" or "what does this part do?" I did not worry at all if it didn't look like a house, especially if he wasn't worried about that either! 

Practicing using a screw and a screwdriver...

What are the benefits of woodworking with children? Woodworking like other handcrafts is a great way to nourish childhood creativity and curiosity. Using their hands to create meaningful work builds confidence, competence and a sense of reverence for resources and materials. Using real tools and materials shows children that their work is valued and respected. Surely, toy tools are fun and have their place as well, especially for little builders like mine who could hammer in the morning, hammer in the evening and even at suppertime...

Many teachers and parents are concerned about safety and age appropriateness when it comes to using tools with young children. What I have observed in my years of teaching and as a parent is that when children use "real materials," they inherently also recognize the value in using them carefully and appropriately. Children love to feel more grown up and using our tools nurtures this feeling. There is definitely a need for adequate supervision and support and you may wish to start with some simple activities beforehand to gauge your child's readiness for using a hammer and nails. Here are a few ideas:

• Use a plastic hammer and golf tees in playdough, clay or floral foam or Styrofoam. Practice setting up the "nail," and hitting the head to push it in. Playdough would be the easiest of materials to work with, followed by clay that is a bit thicker and finally the foam, which would require a bit more fine motor coordination to get started.
• Hammer and peg toys and toy tool sets are also a great way to practice the general movements associated with woodworking. You can often find these at thrift stores.
• Nails with a wider head are easier to manipulate for little hands. Roofing tacks are great. Softer wood like balsa is a good starter base.

For sure, there is a huge fine motor component with woodworking. There is also a lot of gross motor development involved in hauling lumber, swinging the hammer, building and constructing and beyond... Here's a shot of S hauling wood to his work site. Lifting and moving large objects is such a rewarding and valuable task for young children and they are oftentimes drawn to activities that encourage this, like moving furniture, pushing strollers and shopping carts, etc.

 Language development and vocabulary associated with learning about tools and building is a literary component associated with woodworking. Writing and drawing out plans is another great component, even for pre-readers and pre-writers. The act of creating and sequencing plans is a huge part of literacy development and mathematical concepts as well. And speaking of math... This shot of S using our filling station for his mud kitchen may not have entirely to do with woodworking, but it did lead to the shot below of him "measuring" his puddle! He discovered the measuring tape in the toolbox and asked what it was for. I told him it can show how big or long or tall something is. He quickly got to measuring his wood, his shadow, the stairs, and even a puddle of water!

For sure there is a science component to woodworking and exploring force, trajectory and a variety of engineering concepts. When we talk about STEM with preschool aged children, there is often a focus on "modern" technology--but let's not forget about the technological value of tools!
Finally, woodworking involves a great deal of critical thinking, concentration and focus as well as problem solving. These are important aspects of social development at this age and stage. And even if the "product" does not resemble a functional structure, I encourage you to work with your little carpenters to create a functional way to use them!

S demonstrated number sense when he carefully counted six nails that we hammered into this tree cookie. When we came inside, I grabbed our old collection of plastic pony elastics from when he still had long hair and we created our own tiny geo-board He was super excited to make a pentagon! Later we may try out connecting multiple geo-boards with rubber bands. Perhaps we will try out some yarn or ribbon instead... 

S sat with intense focus and concentration to create "a rose" out of some colorful zip ties. He was so proud and excited by his work experience. He is eager to return to his work and having a woodworking station allows this to be an activity he can take his time with. There's no push to produce or perform. There is no agenda. When children see that we value their work and tinkering, they value it as well. This morning on the way to preschool, S told me "People do hard work." 

"Yes, that's true! Big people and little people do hard work!" I responded.

"I worked hard building with wood!" he continued.

"Hard work can be fun, can't it?" I mused, and S agreed. When I think about work ethic, I truly believe it begins with inheriting a sense of value and meaning in our work--and that begins in childhood. When adults value the work that children do through play, they intuit that it is important and meaningful. S may not grow to be a carpenter (or he may!) but I do have high hopes that he will grow to love his play and work, wherever that will lead.

Happy Playing!

#metoo: Cultivating Awareness of Power Roles and Teaching Empathy in Early Childhood

If you saw the hashtag "#metoo" take over your Facebook and Twitter feeds in the last months, this is for you. If you, your friend, your sister, your mother or your next-door neighbor answered #metoo--whether in writing, text, verbally or silently, behind the scenes--this is for you. If you have a child, know a child, or ever were a child--this is for you. As news, media, and social networking sites have swarmed with reports of alleged sexual harassment and worse, it has been impossible not to question where the line is drawn in the sand. My passion for play and early childhood development leads me to believe very strongly that it begins in the sandbox and a recent, seemingly benign exchange with my three year old son solidified that notion for me.

Every day when we pick up S from preschool, we try to conjure up creative questions that encourage him to share with us about his day at school. Asking him how his day was or what he did that day is usually met by silence. Asking him to remember all the way back to the very first activity he did in the morning, or what made him laugh or who he played with on the playground, however, usually opens the door to some great car-seat conversation on our short drive home. On one particular day last week, S shared with us that he only played with one particular friend a little that day because he is little. Indeed, his friend is on the younger side and several friends in the class have been exploring concepts of age and who is "big" and who is "little." It opened up a conversation about what qualities we seek in our friends: someone who is kind, someone who shares, someone who makes us laugh and feel good. We talked about how little and big can refer to age, height, size, behavior... We encouraged questions; we avoided pushing answers. These are the earliest stages of S's awareness of power roles and we want to encourage an open mind and critical thinking.

There has been a lot of blame and finger-pointing in regard to the overwhelming reports of these last few months. It is the media's fault or Hollywood's fault. It is policy's fault or the politicians' fault. It is the fault of their mothers or the fault of their fathers; they were not raised "right." It is the fault of religion or the absence of it. It is the fault of being silent; it is the fault of speaking up. This is an issue that is very gender-charged and yet, I believe, when we step back and look at the earliest stages of power role awareness, it is an issue that crosses gender lines and lands us right in the front-lines of preschool playground politics. Usually between the ages of 2-4, children begin to become aware of power and control. It is present in those earliest battles over food, sleep or toileting. It is present in toddler exchanges over a coveted toy. It is present in arguments over who is first, who has the "biggest" piece, who got "more," who "started it," who "sat next to Mommy last time..." Very early on, our children become aware of power and to them, that all boils down to supply and demand. Who has what, who wants what, and how to get what we want, when we want it, maybe even five minutes ago. Ever offered a present or a cupcake or even a bar of soap to one child in a room of 24? I guarantee you're going to hear about 23 emphatic #metoo's  in the background!

As parents, caregivers, teachers and adults, we are given the responsibility to "teach" children to have respect. There are entire curricula, television shows, children's books, religious organizations and social programs aimed at teaching respect, and while I feel that there is a great deal of merit to many of these, I also feel we miss the mark when we don't address a deeper area of social development that must precede the genuine expression of respect for other individuals: empathy. Empathy in children is a quality that I personally feel is innate but is not always naturally accessible to them. Adults often have an adult-age-appropriate desire to avoid conflicts for our children by eliminating them altogether. And children have an age-appropriate need to express and experience strong emotions, often through engaging in conflict.

We all have the best of intentions when we encourage taking turns, apologizing, sharing, classroom or sibling democracy. And yet, that's not how the "real world" works. I want a a turn with my neighbor's Mustang and he's had it for two years, but I don't just get to take it for a joy ride because he's had it for so long and I only have a 2001 Nissan Maxima. Studies have shown that forced apologies in marital conflicts are not actually helpful to a marriage at all. #sorrynotsorry Sharing is caring and I care about my friend, but I'm not going to share my cell phone with her. It's mine. And we all want a turn to be "first," but there's not exactly a democratic national rotation for who gets to be the President and First Lady. Positions of power happen through other means, many of which are not in our control. And while both childhood conflicts and our current political climate have elicited many a temper tantrum from people both big and little, we do a great disservice to our very little ones when we do not allow to them to feel, experience and move through strong emotions and conflict resolution.

I found in my classrooms that when we had issues of social conflict or property conflict that I could pretty instantly stifle them on my terms and see the same issue crop up again maybe even minutes later. However, when I empowered my students to work through these experiences, resolutions were reached that were infinitely more effective than anything I ever learned in a college classroom. This is not to say that we completely step out of the scene, but rather that we step back. That when it's time to line up and there are tears over who is first, we don't necessarily create a rotation of line leaders or bandage the hurt with a statement of "we're all going to the same place." Maybe instead we give the language of "now let's give high fives and say 'good race!'" When there's a conflict over a toy, a spot, a turn--we identify what core need is being unmet (control? attention? time?) and we ask the parties involved what they need to solve the conflict. Many times I would leave my pre-k students with the simple question: "what do you need to do to repair this relationship?"

Some children always want to be first. Some never want that role and will avoid it with their whole being. Some do want it, but don't have the means to get there and of those, some will be motivated to try and achieve it while others will not. Some children want to be feel big, some want to stay little, some want both at the same time (have you met my preschooler?). All children become aware on some level of power roles between peers and all children will experience power struggles throughout their lives. These experiences cross gender lines, socioeconomic lines, age lines and political lines; we must empower our children--boys and girls--to learn how to feel and express empathy beginning in early childhood so that when they mature into adulthood, they are top defenders of the line, both their own personal line and others'.  Sure, you can act respectfully without feeling respect for a person--but genuinely being able to relate to the effect of our thoughts, words and actions leads to a higher success rate of being able to express ourselves with respect even and especially in those most important moments: the ones in which no one else is watching.

And as with all developmental areas of early childhood, learning is best done through play and day to day experience. Our role is to give language and support as needed, to encourage encounters just outside the box of comfort, to provide a safe haven for feelings and thoughts that are not "neat, tidy or pretty," and to take off our adult gloves for a little while and allow life to get a little messy. Knees will get scraped. Tears will be shed. Insults will be thrown at lightening speed and Cheerios thrown even faster. Our adult wounds and scars are not our children's and vise versa. I don't have any answers; I do have a lot of questions. I encourage the same in my children and in my own peers. Being first, being three, being right, being biggest, fastest, best or better--those are all fleeting. Being kind is permanent. So when my preschooler told me his friend is little, I asked him if his friend is kind? He emphatically answered "yes!" And when I ask him, "are you kind?" --that is the time I most want him to answer boldly, with pride and with or without a hashtag-- yes, #metoo!

How Having Poor Classroom Management Helped Me Lose 25lbs (And Other, More Evidence-Based Ways of Sneaking Movement into Your Kids' Routine)

Picture it: my first day as a "real" teacher in my dream job, co-teaching in an integrated preschool classroom for four and five-year-olds. I had finally finished my college degree. I was living in a new city, all 15 boxes of my belongings unpacked and neatly put away in my slightly damp and crooked basement apartment. I walked a mile and a half to take an a hour and a half of public transit to my first day of school, toting a Muppets backpack and a sparkly pair of Toms with only a few ventilation holes. I was about to spend a year working 9 hour days and earning a whopping 12 bucks an hour, just slightly less per hour as a college educated lead teacher than I had made as a 15 year old babysitter... I was ecstatic! (And maybe a little off my rocker.) And there I was, as a first-year teacher on her first day of school, carrying more hope, motivation and confidence than I could fit into my Muppets backpack. I stood just inside the doorway of my new classroom--my new classroom, and that's when a little boy I will call Paul came marching on out the door, toward his cubby to grab his backpack and head for the front doors of the building, just down the hall. Those doors led to another set of doors, which led to a parking lot, which led to a highway. I know this very well, because after my 9 hour shift, I walked that route two more miles for another hour and a half of public transit back to my crooked, damp, basement apartment. "That's it," Paul said, "I'm going home!" And I, an overly eager and confident first-year teacher with a Muppets backpack and her own classroom, proceeded to do everything wrong. And I did so right in front of my new boss. I talked too much. I bargained. I begged. I pleaded. I joked. I choked. And then, for the very first time in my life, I took up running as a hobby. It started with chasing Paul out those doors and down the first few rows of parking spots before I scooped him up and carried his hefty body back inside. And it continued with days of chasing, running, being chased, playing, ducking and covering, heavy lifting, dancing, curling up in a fetal position, and, all the while, growing into a far more effective and self-assured teacher. By March, I had lost 25lbs. I came home at times with welts and bruises. I cried at work. Twice. Once in my boss's office. Once in the art supply closet. I questioned whether I was cut out for this work. I questioned whether my boss had actually read my application and resume. And I learned to re-frame the way I saw a day in the classroom. No more did I view it through the lens of "good" day or "bad" day; I learned to see the good moments in every day. Victories were subtle but larger than life, because by March, when Paul ran out the door of the classroom to grab his backpack from the cubbies and head for home, I was right there with him, holding a large sheet of paper and a basket of markers.
"You really want to go home and I want to help you, but there's one problem. I don't know how to get there."
"I know how to get there!" Paul said.
"Can you help me make a map so we can get there together?" I asked.
"Sure, that's easy!" he responded, grabbing the paper, the markers, and heading for a cozy spot behind a play loft back in the classroom. He drew all the places and landmarks he passes each day on his ride home from school. He drew us walking on the rode. He wrote his name and some other letters, too. And then he made a map of the preschool building. And we used it to go on a tour. And in the meantime, as the minutes turned to hours, he forgot all about his plan of escape and we both survived another day.
I got engaged in the middle of the year and moved again when I got married that summer. I packed the same 15 boxes or so, and not much more (12 bucks an hour didn't go so far, as it turns out, and 12 hour days of work and commute didn't afford much time for shopping), but I did have one more thing I brought to my new home with me: a pair of pipecleaner glasses made by Paul. At five years old, with a history of trauma and learning delays, he had experienced more life than I had at over five times his age. I was the teacher, but he taught me. And when he gave me the glasses, he explained that they are to "let me see whatever I want to see." Sure enough, whenever I put them on, I can see my success as a teacher that year. And I can see all the hope and wonder that accompany a child, even one who faces struggles like Paul's. And, just like Paul, wherever I am, I can see Home.
But the one thing that truly stands out to me as a key factor of success in that classroom as well as in any classroom I've been in since (and in my own home) is the importance of large muscle movement. The field of education often elicits images of children sitting stagnantly at desks. Indeed, we are schooled to help children "sit still" in order to create a better learning environment. And, if you ask me, this is counterproductive. Children, particularly under the age of five, are not hardwired to sit still. (I would argue that no human is truly hardwired to sit still, but that's another post in and of itself.) Kinesthetic learning refers to the style of learning that takes place through physical movement and tactile exploration as opposed to through hearing and watching. While some learners are primarily successful through kinesthetic learning, all learners benefit from it. And, as the cooler and shorter days give way to more time indoors, I am reminding myself of the many ways to ensure that movement is incorporated into my daily routine at home--both for our children and for the grownups--even if it means I sneak it in!

 Large muscle or gross motor movement certainly refers to the obvious physical activities, like sports, outdoor play, and games that involve running, jumping, dancing, skipping, etc. You can include a lot of equipment in your gross motor play or no equipment at all. Your body is really all that you need. Many times, we see gross motor activity as something that is restricted to recess/playground times and gym class--but it can definitely be effectively incorporated into structured learning indoors whether it is in the classroom or in your home.  Here are a few ways you can incorporate movement and kinesthetic learning into key pre-K subjects such as learning letters, numbers, shapes and colors:

• Reading and writing do not need to be sedentary activities! When I introduce letters to preschoolers, I provide a variety of means for them to explore them through tactile manipulation (with magnets, puzzles, foam letters, etc) and through larger muscle movement. Using masking tape, you can create the shape of a letter on your floor or rug. Children can trace the letter by walking over it, jumping over it, hopping over it, tip-toeing over it... You can include building materials like blocks for tracing. Providing a toy car to drive around the letter C is a great way to encourage pre-writing skills while teaching the beginning sound of a hard "C." Indeed, many of my students are introduced to the concept of verbs or action words through acting out a movement beginning with a particular letter sound. Jumping jacks are a fabulous way to get your heart rate up while learning the beginning sound a J makes.
• Learning colors can be a challenge for many preschoolers. They are not often isolated in our environment and many shades fall under the same name. Send your child on a color themed scavenger hunt around the house or classroom. How many red objects can they bring back? Both my boys are enrolled in classes in a local gymnastics studio and one of my favorite beginning stretches that they do each week is a rainbow chant in which they sit, legs wide and stretch their arms overhead from side to side in the shape of a rainbow while chanting each color: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, indigo!
• Incorporate sorting and separating colors by using color coded buckets and color coded balls, bean bags or other soft objects to toss inside.
• Numbers and early mathematical skills can be introduced through movement by having children choose an action word to carry out a particular number of times. I always incorporated kinesthetic learning into my daily calendar time when I taught in classrooms. A designated "calendar helper" was in charge of updating our daily calendar and also of choosing a verb to have all of the students act out the number of times corresponding to the date. Clapping, jumping, frog hopping, spinning in circles--you name it, we did it, one, two, ten, and even 31 times.
• Shapes are also able to be explored through tactile and physical exploration. They can be traced in the air, traced on the floor, drawn with sidewalk chalk and traced with a tricycle. One favorite activity of ours here is using silk scarves to create shapes in the air as we sing a favorite action song:

We wave our scarves together

We wave our scarves together

We wave our scarves together

Because it's fun to do

We wave our scarves in a circle

We wave them in a circle,

We wave them in a circle

Because it's fun to do!

S loves to choose the shape. There are some pricey play silks on the market, but we just use some fashion scarves from the Dollar Tree. It gets particularly interesting when someone chooses a shape like a hexagon!

Movement for the Less Mobile: Infants and babies may not be up to the developmental stage we most associate with gross motor movement, but they are doing plenty of it and it's so important at this point. While most of the time our play area is set up as a world for S in which Y happens to exist, once in a while, I set up a baby fun zone. S definitely finds ways to enjoy it when he's home and when we have other babies over for playdates, it's great fun to watch them explore and move at their own level. Areas for laying on their back and kicking/grabbing, tummy time, sitting assisted or unassisted, crawling, pulling up, assisted walking or toddling and objects with a variety of textures, shapes and colors all invite your littlest ones to develop vestibular awareness, their little bodies' GPS system.

Gross Motor Equipment, as I've said, is something you can add in or leave out to your discretion. We love using our play tunnel, bean bags for tossing, balls, our fort magic set for large building activities, parachutes, riding toys, hula hoops and child-friendly sports equipment. That said, indoors and out, movement can happen with very few extraneous materials. Many of our own favorite childhood games were follow the leader, red light/green light, Mother, May I?, What time is it, Mr. Fox? and tag. There are plenty of ways to build forts, engage in games and movement and play games with common household materials and additional equipment can often be found on the cheap at secondhand stores or discount stores. Adding unlikely elements to common activities (like turning off the lights and including flashlights and LED lights) can add some spice to the scenario if it gets a little stale.

• Leave the Heavy Lifting to the Kids?! Yes, you read that right! Heavy lifting and moving large objects is a great way for all kids to get moving. Many children actually greatly benefit from this type of activity. One year I had a student who loved to move playground equipment into a line every day. It was initially quite frustrating for the teachers until one day I stepped in and engaged him and his peers into turning it into a more functional game. We had choo-choo trains, airplanes, boats and more--and my little heavy lifter got his movement in!
• Just dance! Oh, we've all been there. The witching hour battles after dinner and before bed or even those moments in the classroom when all is going awry. Sometimes we all just need to turn up the music and dance. You don't need a specific playlist or particular songs and movements--you just need something with a good beat that will get you all moving. Go on and join 'em--it's fun to shake your sillies out.

• If you need some inspiration, YouTube is a great resource for free kids' exercise, Yoga and dancing videos. It's a wonderful way to get moving in new ways and incorporate skills like following instructions. 

• Let them see you do it! It's hard to tell our kids to get moving from a sedentary position ourselves. Let them see you making movement and exercise a priority and enjoying it and they will follow suit. I have stopped feeling guilty about whisking away to the gym because my time there is good for my body and mind and I want my kids to internalize that.
• Sneak it in! Lastly, I'd like to toss in a couple of my favorite ways to sneak in gross motor movement. One is a game I call "How Shall We Get There?" This is the one I whip out when my preschooler doesn't want to leave the playground, the friend's house, etc. "How shall we get to the car?" I ask him. "Shall we walk sideways like a crab or jump like a kangaroo?" And get ready to walk sideways with a slightly perturbed toddler all the way to your car... My second favorite is "What Shall We Do While We're Waiting?" This is the one I reserve for waiting in line or for an appointment or turn with a toy. Shall we jump ten times? Shall we hop on one foot three times? Shall we bear crawl across the rug?

Movement is an integral part of learning and growth. It is also a great tool to combat the winter doldrums for both children and adults. Through creative play, games and also just through allowing children to naturally do what they already do, plenty of movement can happen on a daily basis both outdoors and in. I'm off to get moving myself (blogging is rather a stationary activity for me) and until the next time...

Happy ACTIVE playing!

Think Outside the Box Thursday: Getting Ready for an Upshernish!

When S was two days old, I cried for 40 minutes because he would someday get married and move away from home. Postpartum hormones are great! With Y, I cried for 40 minutes when he was 2 days old because I wanted to go home from the hospital and go to sleep; at least a little more in this decade... But I was right to an extent about how fast time flies. Not always (trust me, plenty of times, especially after 4PM, time goes by verrrrry slowly here). And yet, I can't believe that S will soon be 3! No, he's not getting married and moving away from home...yet. But for Jewish children, the third birthday is a very special one. It marks the "official" beginning of chinuch, Jewish education. For girls, many families celebrate by helping their daughters to light a Shabbos candle each week beginning at age three. For boys, many families have the custom to cut their hair for the first time and they begin to wear a yarmulke and tzitzit.

If you have been around this blog for a while, you know that chinuch has already begun here--but S will nonetheless celebrate his upshernish (also called upsherin, referring to a boys' third birthday and first haircut) at the end of this month, corresponding to the 6th day of the Jewish month of Tammuz. We have talked for some time about this upcoming milestone and celebration. He has seen some of his friends already celebrate their upshernish. I may be more nervous than he is about the whole first haircut part, but as with any big change (or little one), we are preparing for it through play. When he is three, S will begin to wear a yarmulke and tzitzit all of the time. We bought some in advance and he is already very eager and excited to wear them--particularly since they are decorated with some of his favorite things, like trains and Elmo. We talk about him wearing a yarmulke and tzitzit and having a short hair cut just like Tatty (his dad) and just like some of his friends. Many families have a huge party to honor this occasion and invite guests to help with the honor of cutting a boy's hair for the first time. For a variety of reasons, including S's disposition, we have opted to do this in phases and to keep the hair-cutting part a bit closer to home (and maybe a local kids' salon if that doesn't go as well as planned). He will get his hair cut in our home with just the immediate family, while playing a fun Aleph-bet (Hebrew alphabet) Scavenger Hunt game I constructed by printing off and laminating a color image of the aleph bet--and so he should always know the sweetness of learning Torah, his game pieces will be one of his favorite sweets, jellybeans! Many families use honey or chocolate syrup or another candy their son likes. We will be making a trip the following month to visit family in NY, including his great grandmother who has been waiting and waiting with anticipation for this special day. We could not bring her to his upshernish, so we are bringing the upshernish to her! We were not sure he would take so well to having his hair cut the first time by relatives he doesn't get to see so often and since we certainly do not want it to be an unpleasant experience for any of the parties involved, we will give GG the honor of the second hair cut and a family celebration. We plan to invite S's friends for a post-birthday play party later in the summer when we return to celebrate his having turned three and reached this special milestone.

In the meantime, S is very excited about cupcakes. He wants either a bicycle or a lawnmower for his birthday. He is eager to fulfill the mitzvos that come with turning 3; some may be easier than others in reality, and we will continue to encourage and support him through those adjustments. We are playing and reading about haircuts and having an upshernish, and if you're looking for some of our favorite books and activities on the subject, here's a few:

• S loves playdough! We printed and laminated some people playdough mats from this website to use with playdough and playdough scissors. S loves to give them wacky hairdos and subsequently, haircuts. You can also use these with laminated cut outs of a yarmulke and tzitzit as well as clothes/accessories and with velcro practice dressing up as a big boy!
• S also loves scissors. I'm shocked (and grateful) we haven't already had an accidental or unplanned first haircut! He loves this tray of "upshernish mentchies," little people he can give haircuts to that I made by drawing faces on recycled toilet paper tubes and cutting slits for hair. 
  
  
  

  

  He loves cutting their hair and keeping a tray or basket underneath aids with collecting the scraps for easier clean-up afterward. I showed him how to set the scissors and upshernish mentchies to the side and carry the tray to the garbage can to empty before putting everything back in and away on his art shelf.
  
  

  
  

  
  

• We love the books below! There are a variety of books on the topic of having and preparing for an upshernish and secular books on the topic of first haircuts. Here are three of our favorites:

• We do a lot of dramatic play as well. S has seen his Tatty cut his hair and likes to play about it and pretend.

It's sometimes hard to believe I will only fight my way to put all this hair in a ponytail for a short while longer. For soooo long, even when dressed in the most masculine of outfits, S has been mistaken for a little girl when we are in public! (Ironically, for quite some time S only used the pronoun "she" when talking about others!)  On the occasions I happen to correct someone, people are so apologetic. I always jokingly say that soon enough, he will grow into some of those more 'boyish' behaviors and I will miss my little girl. The truth is that I love all of S's personality traits. I love his eagerness to learn and try new things. I love his enthusiasm for life. I love his sensitivity and cautiousness. I love that he likes to pick flowers and find rocks and that he likes to dance and play music everywhere, on everything. I love that he is naturally kind and generous. And I even love that he is stubborn and determined like I am--because I know that those traits, reigned in, will carry him far in life. I mostly love that loves to play. Many a bedtime battle here happens because he wants to play! I cannot help but feel that a little bit of my little baby is disappearing with that ponytail, and I kind of want the snuggly part of that little baby boy to last just a little bit longer...maybe forever... And I am so proud and excited for the milestone that turning three marks in a Jewish child's life. S has always had a love for learning. May this sense of wonder carry him through life wrapped in the love of Torah just as he will be wrapped in a talis and carried through his cheder (Jewish school). Until and beyond then, we will be here, happily playing!

Think Outside the Box Thursday: Sneaking Reading & Writing into Your Summer

If your children are of school age, you're likely entering the beginning of summer vacation. Perhaps the sweet taste of pride in your children's amazing academic accomplishments is still fresh on the tip of your tongue or perhaps you've moved into the zone of wondering how you will all survive the next two months. My husband and I often talk about the challenges that a 9 month school year presents. For one thing, working parents do not necessarily follow this particular schedule and the show goes on even while the kids are off from school. This leaves families to scramble to fill those days with camp, childcare, entertainment and other means of keeping the kids out of trouble while they're out of school. For many families, this is a significant financial burden as well. For children who spend all school year practicing skills related to literacy and writing (among many other subjects), the summer is a time they may become rusty and fall out of the routine of reading every day. Certainly there is benefit to slowing down and smelling the freshly bloomed roses. Many of my friends with older children are concerned, however, that the skills their sons and daughters worked so hard to develop during the school year will be neglected and diminish over the summer. Should we give our children "homework" over the summer and ensure that they continue to work on reading and writing? My answer is always in the form of "Yes, if..."

• Yes, if it won't be a battle.  You really don't need this to be a battle every day. The school year battles around homework are challenging enough from what I hear! At least then you get to send them off to their teachers for a decent chunk of the day. Fighting with kids about reading every day can make two months at home feel like two centuries for all parties involved and can also paint a negative image around reading and writing in general.
• Yes, if it feels like fun for you both! Some kids do like worksheets and some do not. The good news is, there are a lot of low cost or no cost options out there for worksheets and less traditional ways of practicing reading and writing.
• Yes, if you can include the whole family and each be working on something. Nothing feels like more of a drag than doing work while everyone else is playing. If you can make working on something (whether it's reading, writing, math, a hobby or a project) something everyone does either together or at the same time, individually, more power to you!

So now comes the fun part: how to sneak reading and writing into your summer without breaking the bank or the spirit of summer fun. I will include some suggestions applicable to children of all ages, for pre-readers and pre-writers (generally preschool aged) and for early readers and writers (generally Kindergarten and up through the earlier grades).

For Children of All Ages:

• Libraries are the place to be over the summer! Many have very engaging kids' programming throughout the summer months that encourage reading, writing, even math, science, computer literacy, art, drama, music and more. Our library system has story times for younger ones in a variety of separate age groups as well as programming for older children. Many libraries also have summer reading programs with kid-friendly incentives. If "getting your children to read" feels like a battle at home, take it outside of the house and let a neutral party (like your local librarian) take over!
• School supplies are not just for the school year! I've said it before and I'll say it again--there's nothing more powerful than a kid with a new notebook and set of pencils, pens, markers or crayons. If worksheets are not your children's preferred method of writing or reviewing letters and site words, a blank notebook can become their (and your) best friend. Let it be their journal and whether you choose to organize prompts or activities or just let them use it independently for drawing, doodling, writing and recording, they will be working on the skills they have developed whether they realize it or not. Many children enjoy using a journal in nature or to record memories from camp and vacations. Older children might like to keep a journal with a group of friends and pass it back and forth. Many families even keep a journal between older children and a parent/parents as a means to communicate more privately. School supplies are generally discounted at the end of the school year, so now is a great time to buy!

I introduced a journal well before my little guy was into holding pens and pencils...

He grows more and more independent with it as he gets older. It will surely make a great keepsake down the line!

• Take it outside! The weather is great and you all want to be out there anyway. Set up some lawn chairs and bring your books and journals along, set up a letter or word scavenger hunt, draw/write with chalk. Make a family scrapbook of your outdoor adventures or play some great gross motor games using letters or site words as appropriate for your children's age and reading level.

For Early Readers & Writers: 

• Maximize your screen time: If screen time is a part of your routine, there are amazing apps, videos and games that can encourage reading and writing skills. Many are available on library computers for use by patrons. 
• Coloring/Activity Books are great for children (and grown ups!) of all ages who might not love "traditional" writing and reading exercises but do love to color. Nowadays you can even find great ones on sale in the Dollar Tree. Coloring in a coloring book does promote the fine motor skills and strokes/lines associated with writing letters and penmanship. Additionally, directions in activity books and the activities themselves will surely get your children reading! Coloring books are also a great activity for quiet times of the day.
• Use rewards, incentives, or friendly competitions wisely: if it works for your reader/writer, use a reward/incentive system to trade in books read or activities completed for a prize experience, book or toy. If friendly competition inspires your kids, make it a family affair and chart minutes spent reading or (for kids who read at the same level) number of books read. Again, the library is a great resource for this type of programming and they often have summer reading contests during the summer for school aged children. 
• Speaking of the library...a child who is reluctant to read may be quite passionate about something else. Whether it's a particular animal, character, sport or activity, use it to your (and their) advantage. Give your little learner an opportunity to test out the search mode of your library's computer system (or enlist the help of a librarian) and find a collection of summer reading based on your child's interests.
• Think outside of the box: Does your child like cooking? Get to the kitchen and practice reading and recipe, measuring, pouring, mixing and more whipping up some favorite recipes. Got a little scientist? There is plenty of reading and writing involved when you run some simple experiments at home. Check out some of the science posts here for ideas. Got a little engineer? Building involves a great deal of fine motor work (related to writing) and following instruction booklets to put together a particular toy or building set is a great reading activity. A child who does not love books might love magazines. A child who does not love to write might like to type and record stories, poems or even a blog. If your child has a particular passion or interest, it is likely that reading and writing skills can be connected to it and are already inherently a part of it.
• Write it in the sand. Literally. Or shaving cream. Or salt or sugar or with clay/playdough. Or on the sidewalk with sidewalk chalk. Or in the mud with a stick. It doesn't always have to be with pen and paper--writing can happen in a lot of places with a lot of things.

For Pre-readers and Pre-Writers:

• Follow along our Story Stretcher series and find some great ways to go beyond the book through meaningful play activities. You can use ideas you find here, your own ideas, your child's ideas or find other great ones on Pinterest by searching your favorite book titles, authors or themes.
• Pre-writing doesn't always involve pencils. Building fine motor skills associated with proper use of a writing utensil sometimes involves practicing with pencils, markers, crayons, pens and such and other times includes cutting with scissors, working with playdough or clay, stringing beads, working on puzzles and building with small manipulatives. One of our favorite out of the box fine motor activities right now is cutting the grass with safety scissors. It might just take all summer to get our lawn mowed, but that's OK! Sidewalk chalk is another great medium for practicing letters and writing/drawing skills. Gross motor skills and larger muscle movement are also imperative to early writing. Including activities like tracing a large drawn or masking tape letter with a toy truck or car or on tip toe or by jumping/hopping/tight-rope walking are all great ways to get the whole body involved and active!

• Learning letters and pre-reading doesn't always involve books and flash cards! Playing with letter manipulatives like puzzles, magnets, foam/felt letters, blocks, stamps, cookies cutters, stickers and more are all great ways to encourage exposure to letters in uppercase and lowercase form. If your little one is into arts and crafts, you can put together your own alphabet book of letter themed crafts and pictures. You can print off coloring sheets, make collages, cut pictures and letters from magazines/junk mail, use stickers and stamps--the options are limitless! Go on a letter sound scavenger hunt in your house. Give your kids a basket and a letter and you'll all be amazed at what they come back with. (This can be a creative way to clean up as well.) Take foam letters, a ladle and some plastic bowls to the pool or sprinkler pad for some alphabet soup. 

• Talk and PLAY! Daily conversations and natural play build vocabulary, reading and writing skills without even trying. Don't be afraid to teach big words to your little kids! Reading together is great and so is playing together. Repeat after me: play is enough, it is enough, it is enough...

And for the grown-ups:

Don't stress! Play at all ages is how children (and many adults) learn. My mantra above really applies to any age in my opinion. If you can and want to do more, great! If you cannot or your kids aren't into it, don't stress over it. Find a balance and routine that works for you and Happy Playing!

Here are a few links that might be helpful:

• Here are some great free printable alphabet coloring pages
• One of my favorite blogs, "No Time For Flash Cards" has a post with a great collection of active literacy games to get you moving this summer
• There are some great free writing prompts and activities for early writers at Teachnology
• There are some great free printable sight word and phonics booklets as well as other literacy materials available for home use at Hubbard's Cupboard. Some of the materials on this site are religious in nature, however many are secular and great for use with readers and writers of all ages and stages.

Think Outside the Box Thursday: Troubleshooting the Challenges of Nursing an Infant While Entertaining a Toddler

Ah, the joys of nursing an infant when you have a toddler. Nursing and feeding a newborn baby no matter how you do it is one of the most turbulent challenges of those early days and weeks. Each infant has his or her own unique strengths and difficulties when it comes to feeding. I have had two breastfeeding experiences now that are vastly unique and both of them leave me with a strong desire to remind my fellow mommies that 1) fed is best--no matter what combination of techniques works for your family and child, and 2) utilize support, even if you end up "double dipping" and asking more than one expert. After all, the greatest expert at what your baby needs is your baby, and he or she is not talking much about their expertise at this point.
On the other end of that spectrum is my very talkative toddler. S and I had a nursing journey that lasted just over two years when he self-weaned. It included many challenges, many triumphs, combinations of breast milk and formula, pumping (unsuccessfully with a broken pump) and in the end, a special bond and memory. And the memory is not just mine--my son who NEVER forgets talked about nursing continuously (without asking for it) even well after he weaned. At some point during our journey, he named it "nee nee," and it did not surprise me as we got close to welcoming his new baby brother that the topic emerged again. He talked a lot about remembering "nee nee" and described aspects of the experience. I was careful to word my response in such a way that I was honest and to the point. I recalled a mother who ended nursing her own two year old while pregnant after experiencing nursing aversion and not wanting the bond to end on a bitter note. She explained to her toddler that "mommy milk was all gone," but when he saw his baby sister latch on for the first time, he let out an angry and resentful cry. He felt that he had been lied to and betrayed--that she had still had the milk but withheld if from him. Both mom and her son (and even baby sister) all lived to tell about it and heal from the hurt, but I still tear up when I think of that story that I first heard while at the end of my pregnancy with S!
And so the language I used with S was that the new baby would eat "nee nee" as he/she would not be able to eat cheese toast or pretzels or applesauce yet (insert any food S likes.) and that "nee nee" is something Hashem gives to mommies for new and very little babies as they grow and that lasts until they no longer need it. (I do realize this is not true to every nursing experience, but I was aiming to bring it to toddler level.) I mused with the lactation consultant in the hospital the day after Y was born that it would not surprise me if S asked to have "nee nee" again once he saw his brother nursing. She asked what I would do if he did and how I felt about it? I responded that I was open to the question and the feelings behind it. I felt it would come from a place of curiosity and a desire to connect and bond rather than a need for the actual breast milk. My first mode of action would be to validate and fulfill those feelings with other methods before offering to nurse again, but that if he was very persistent with the issue,
In the end, I accurately predicted that S would ask for "nee nee" again. He joked about it a bit: "I no have nee nee," or even asked at times. He also requested that his baby dolls get "nee nee" but I could not imagine nursing my own infant plus three of his! He even tried to make off with a couple of bottles of milk I had just pumped one morning! We continued to talk about it and honor our own experience of having had "nee nee" together and I also offered immediate options of connection (like sitting next to Mommy while I nursed or reading a book together) or options that could follow my nursing Y (like going outside or doing an activity). Nursing was clearly one expression of the closeness S and I share that he sees is shifting now that he is a big brother. It is important that I nurture our unique bond in ways that meet his current developmental needs and that I am sensitive to his expression of those needs. Many times he merely needs to say something in order to move through it and does not need further explanation or accommodation. This is a quality I wish I could cultivate in myself!
Another challenge of nursing an infant with a toddler in the house is the aspect of keeping that toddler appropriately busy while you're tied down for a bit! I went into motherhood of two with a few tricks up my sleeve and have found some helpful and others less helpful. Since then, I have also found a few other tools to get us through. I keep in mind that we do what works while it works and if/when it stops working, we do something different.

• Busy boxes/Independent Play Activities: If you have followed this blog for a while, you know that I value children being able to functionally play independently as much as I value playing with them. Each has its own unique benefits and I have invested a lot of time and thought into encouraging S to be able to play in his own space and own way using his own skills ideas. Many of our Table Time and Independent Play activities are great for setting up and using during times a mom is nursing a younger sibling or busy with something else. 

• SCREENS: Yes, there's a place for them and this was one suggestion I had read again and again. Use this as your toddler's screen time. There were many occasions especially in the beginning that I flipped on a video during nursing sessions and at that point it worked well. However, I noticed as we did this more frequently that it became harder to transition away from the screen afterward (i.e. tantrums about videos) and that it was also leaving S feeling somewhat empty in the attention tank. It wouldn't play out right away with attention seeking behaviors, but rather later on (remember our book tearing fiasco?) when he processed his feelings of not having spent enough time together. It is natural for him to desire my attention especially when he sees it being shared with his brother. It is impossible to feed this desire in every moment of the day, but I realized I needed a replacement activity that would leave him feeling more connected to me and less connected to the computer screen.

• Audio books are a lifesaver! They are great for the Sefirah period if you do not listen to music. We check out a selection from our local library to listen to in the car and enjoy at home as well. Now when I am nursing, I can offer (or S will request) to listen to a favorite audio book together. Sometimes S likes to read along with the hard copy of the book and at others we just listen all together. It feels as though we are sharing in the experience and does not require my hands to hold a book plus a baby that may spit up at any given moment!
• Snacks that take a long time to eat. You read that right. And I'm maybe not so proud of it, but I read this on a social media feed and it's brilliant. If you need to buy some time to nurse your infant, provide your toddler with a snack that takes a long time to eat. Maybe it's healthy homemade ices. Maybe it's a bowl of dry cereal or some nuts and raisins or a granola bar, but it keeps him occupied and satisfied (and less likely to request a snack while my hands are full)! I make sure that particularly during Y's feeding after S's naptime (always an awkward transition of timing) that snack is set up for S on the little table from which he can get up and move around when he's ready and therefore he is not restricted to eating (as in a high chair) while I am feeding his brother. He can come and go as he chooses and knows that snack stays at the table. In this way, he comes in and connects with me and plays and eats when he is hungry.

• Playdough is my favorite babysitter. Well, second or third favorite, because we actually have some amazing sitters in our lives. Playdough is something that occupies my toddler's attention for a LONG time. It's messy. He mixes colors. It's gonna require some clean up later, but it buys me some time to nurse and is an activity that S feels is novel and special. Reserving a beloved activity just for quiet times or nursing times is a great way to make an older sibling feel special rather than neglected during these delicate balances of attention. 

These are things that have worked or are working right now. Many times, S simply plays during nursing and may require some verbal redirection or suggestions for activities intermittently. I'm sure we will grow through many of these tactics and find new ones as well. Stay tuned and until then....

Happy Playing!

Think Outside the Box Thursday: When To Cling to Your Roots and When To Go Out on a Limb

And Other Life Lessons Learned from Trees

This lovely piece of group artwork was
created by a former preschool class of mine. It
is a lovely reminder that each individual plays a
beautiful and vital role in making a classroom
(or family) thrive and grow!

 Whether you are a parent or a teacher (or both), we all know the feeling: the feeling of having created the perfect lesson plan only to have it totally bomb! As a classroom teacher, while mildly unsettling, I never found it particularly challenging to restructure an activity in the moment or just toss it aside altogether and move forward. As a homeschooling parent, that is sometimes more challenging for me. Lesson plans are like brain children to me. They are a part of me into which I pour my blood, sweat, and tears. And perhaps the only thing I am more attached to than my brain children is my actual child! So when interactions between the two go less than smoothly, it is a feeling I can only imagine might be akin to the frustrations of sibling rivalry. And so, when things in our homeschool environment do not go as planned, I must play both the role of teacher and mother and decide when I should stand firm and dig my proverbial roots into the ground and when I need to bend with the winds and go out on a limb.

Yesterday our morning began with a Table Time activity. My son loved reading through this interactive booklet together (you can find and print your own copy here) as we identified objects in his collection from our Nature Scavenger Hunt the day before. He loved seeing how bark rubbings work and trying it out himself. We added a variety of stickers to the pages and doodles and dictations.

We went through our typical morning routines with all of his usual enthusiasm. He requested to sing our Parts of a Tree song and we had a lot of fun playing our roll-the-die gross motor tree game again. He was eager, as usual, to bring his school bag over and see what was inside. But when he pulled out a copy of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree, he opted to put it away on his bookshelf instead of reading it together and doing the activity I had to go along with it. I tried to encourage and invite him back, but I felt that if I pushed too hard, it would be met with resistance and create an unnecessary battle in that moment. I tried to assess what my son's needs were in that moment and I felt he needed a break for some open play time. He had some fun playing in his kitchen area and while he did so, I also had a break to regroup and rethink. Perhaps he would engage in the story and activity if I approached it in a different manner. So rather than inviting him back to sit on my lap and hear me read the book, I invited him back to come watch it being read by someone else on YouTube. He loved it! 

 He spent some time engaged in vertical work at his tree mural hanging on our pantry door. While he was there, he noticed the Bird World sensory bin on his shelf. Its lid was still on but he peeked through the clear bottom of the bin and said, "Not scary!"
 If you spend a good chunk of time with my little guy, you will likely hear him say those two words about a lot of things--namely, the doctor, the vacuum cleaner, the food processor, the electric steam mop, getting his nails clipped, firefighters with their gas masks on, dogs and any number of other novel experiences in his world. "Not scary," in fact, is his way of communicating that he is afraid and in need of reassurance. We work with him on his anxieties and I am mindful not to say "no, it's not scary" when to him, these things really are! Instead, I use language like, "the doctor is someone who helps us stay healthy. He is safe." Or "the vacuum is loud, but it helps us clean the floor and it is safe." I focus on conveying to him that he is safe and we are there to support him. I do not want to invalidate his fears and anxieties but I also do not want him to be plagued and paralyzed by them.
So I took down the bin, opened it up and showed him what was inside. He was TERRIFIED of the birds. My internal reaction wavered between frustration and amusement. He was with me when we bought these bird figurines in the floral department of the Dollar Tree. I was feeling rather attached to what I thought was a fabulous small world setup--one he could really explore and abstractly expand upon. I explained that the birds were not real. They looked very realistic, but they were made of Styrofoam and plastic and even craft feathers like the ones we had used. I showed him that the pine cones were real and the wooden tree disks were real parts of a tree branch. The bird seed was even real and could actually be eaten by birds outside, but these birds were not real. They were not alive and never had been and never could be. We could only pretend with them and play with them and they were safe; Mommy and Tatty would not bring something into the house that was not safe. He wanted me to take the bin away, but I also sensed that in this scenario he needed support to overcome his obstacle rather than to avoid it altogether. I agreed to take it away if he would like, but first I wanted him to touch one bird with one finger. He was nervous and resisted at first, but then, with my hand holding his, he touched one bird with one finger, and then another, and then began playing--and then had a wonderful time. It definitely felt good to see him enjoy an activity I had put time and thought into--but for me, the big win was seeing his confidence after he overcame a fear.

We finished our morning with some play activities from the STEAM cart. He loved making shapes with the wooden tree disks. I modeled stacking them to make cylinders, how to create a smiley face and even set out his recycling bin as well to see what he might come up with combining the two in an impromptu building activity.

As parents and/or educators, we are faced again and again with plans that don't go as, well, planned. You made an amazing dinner guaranteed to satisfy everyone at your dining room table only to be faced with cranky and dissatisfied customers. You planned a fun family outing only to arrive and your kid wants to go home after five minutes. You created the perfect craft or project or activity--one sure to please the crowd--and instead, you lose them altogether. What do you do? When do you push forward? When do you pull back? And when do you just let go?

Building with wooden tree disks and recycled materials.

 I believe there are times we do one or the other and times we do all three. But before deciding how to approach it, there are a few key steps I like to take:

• Assess the reason for resistance: What could be contributing to a child avoiding or resisting an activity? Is he bored? Is she hungry? Is it too difficult or too easy? Is he afraid or anxious about something? Is she feeling ill? Did you give an adequate explanation of the activity and what to do? Did you use too much language or not enough? Does the child need more support and involvement or more space and autonomy?
• Assess the child's need in the moment: Does he need a break to play? Does he need a snack? Does she need more attention or support? Does she need an opportunity to get moving or get outside? Does he need a change of scenery? 
• Assess your own role and reactions: Do you need a break? Do you need to eat? (Sometimes these two sneak up on me!) Do you need to accomplish this right now or can you come back to it later? What is the goal and intention of the activity? What would success look like? 
• Decide on an approach: Now it's time to decide on an approach. Note that you may need to try more than one--this is kind of the troubleshooting stage. Perhaps you explain the activity again. Perhaps you opt to take a break and return again later. Sometimes a tweak in your tone or expression can make a difference. Sometimes naming your frustration can be a huge asset in being able to let go of it yourself while simultaneously modeling this skill for young ones. On the other hand, there are occasions when it is beneficial to push through and firmly encourage participation. You must weigh the risks and benefits. What would the child(ren) get out of completing the task at hand and what would be the detriment of not doing so? On the other hand, would the expense of pushing forward outweigh the reward? There are times that you will be able to tweak and adjust and adapt toward success and other times you may have to abandon ship altogether.
• Evaluate the scenario: When all is said and done, I think it is important to evaluate the scenario again. What might have contributed to the challenge? Was it something avoidable (like waiting too long to eat or take a break--and this goes for both the kids and the grownups!)? Or was it something that was unpredictable (like a newfound phobia of toy birds)? This is not an invitation to be hard on yourself, but rather an opportunity to see your successes. What did you do well? You had great intentions. You put in astounding levels of creativity, productivity, and flexibility. Pat yourself on the back. Stand tall and proud like a tree, be content with your natural beauty and enjoy the view!

He decided this was a blender and he was mixing a smoothie!

Happy Playing!