The Power of Conversation in Classrooms: A Lost and Dying Art

Language is power. We know from the moment a child is born and even before then, while still in the womb, that spoken language is immensely important for physical, cognitive and emotional development. Very few milestones are as exciting for parents of infants as those very first words. And language is a tool we value throughout life--as children grow from communicating through representative sounds and then words eventually toward reading and writing. We care so deeply about language that we devote entire areas of education toward teaching what words mean, how to spell them, how to say them, to perform them, to collect them in prose and poetry and even in arithmetic and science. But if we value language so very much for even our youngest of children, why is there very little room--if any at all--for the lost and dying art of conversation in our classrooms?

I have a friend who is currently studying language development, a topic I love to learn about and discuss. As we were talking yesterday, we were discussing language nuances that children pick up and repeat. Some of these are cute and some are quirky and sometimes, you hear yourself in a whole new light--a light that is not always flattering. I recalled a time in my earlier teaching days when a mother relayed a story she found cute about how her 4 year old son was playing with his blueberries at the breakfast table. There were several student blueberries and one teacher blueberry (that would be me in a bluish shade) and as they ran through the songs and rhymes of the morning routine, Teacher Blueberry stopped to say "and we don't interrupt!" Color me a little more red at this point.

One of the most frequent questions I am asked by fellow educators in regard to classroom management is how to handle "interruptions." It's several versions of the same story. "I'm reading a book to the children and I'll stop to ask a question about it but then the conversation goes on and on and on and no one is listening to the story." "I'm running my circle time and little Johnny raises his hand to tell me about a boo boo he got playing basketball last night after dinner and I lose the whole group. Now they're all talking about getting boo boos and going to the doctor and I still have to finish Calendar Time." "Little Mindy and Rochelle love to sit together at Morning Meeting but they talk nonstop! I end up having to move their seats away." And then, Teacher Blueberry who Used to Instruct that We Don't Interrupt asks the tough question: who's interrupting whom?

We value language. We value literacy. We value learning. But only when it comes from us (the adults). We want the children to listen to the story without interrupting, but every other page, we're interrupting the story to ask "what do you think will happen next?" or "did you notice what Hedgie is doing over in the corner of this page?" We have to sing about the days of the week so the children will learn about the concept of time and the difference between yesterday, today and tomorrow but we have no time to discuss something that happened yesterday. And does Tuesday mean anything to a 4 year old? Not necessarily and it may be totally out of their frame of reference. But playing basketball after dinner and getting a boo boo is totally within their frame of reference and experience. It may have even happened on a Tuesday. We want the children to "use their words" and share with each other so they develop pro-social behaviors, but just not at Morning Meeting.

And even after Teacher Blueberry here stopped interrupting the children to tell them to not interrupt, I still thought I was being incredibly benevolent when I would "honor" the child interrupting a gathering time to share a personal anecdote by saying "I want to hear what you have to say. Hold it in your head and tell me about it at lunch/snack/outside on the playground." Yes, I made the time and stuck to my word to share in that conversation later, but it had no place and no value at my Morning Meeting or Circle Time. After all, I had scoured Pinterest boards for this activity and by golly, we were going to do it!

But once in a while, in fact, quite by accident usually, I'd get it right. Like the one time in my days of teaching in an inclusive preschool program when the special education program was off for a day and the general education students were still in school. I had my teacher crate of Calendar Time activities and a Pinterest Plan for afterward. We had a small group, so I felt I could move at a slower pace. My Attendance Helper was up and we were sorting name tags into piles of Here and Not Here. When we got to one name, he said "Not here. And I'm glad he's not here because he hits me!" Another student chimed in, "and he stepped on my foot!" And another, "yesterday So and So pushed me and I was so mad!" And I stopped the rote monotony of Calendar Time that day because our time was better spent talking about keeping our bodies safe and how to ask for help. It was a tough lesson to swallow for me as a teacher knowing full well that this classroom was a place where some of the children (and even some of the teachers) often felt unsafe. But it was a lesson I swallowed along with my pride, nonetheless. And I will tell you with full confidence that my classroom completely changed that day. Not just because the number 17 never got put on the calendar...

Conversation, many say, is a lost and dying art. We live in an era where I can talk to someone I've never met in a country halfway around the world in real time, but do I know how to carry on a meaningful discussion with my neighbor? Actually, I've never even made eye contact with one of my neighbors... I tell my children how important it is that they use their words with me so I can help them but then I'm busy responding to a message on my phone, they need to wait...

I am an educator like many others who valued the theory of child-led emergent curriculum so long as I dictated how and when and where it emerged. And as I began to reach the early stages of understanding my own hypocrisy, I realized I needed to make a place and a space in my classroom for conversations to happen if this art were to be learned at all. It just so happened that when we would teach letters in my previous place of employment, per their curriculum, the hard pronunciation of the letter C came first in the school year. I decided I would introduce the word "conversation" and I also decided that in order to make a place and space for this in my room, we needed a physical place and space. And thus, the Conversation Corner was born. Two rocking chairs and a table. It began with an object set in the middle that I would choose, a conversation starter, so to speak. I introduced it to each student individually, with me, sharing the new, big word: conversation. I explained as an exchange between two people where one is the talker and one is the listener, but those roles switch again and again and again. You share ideas, you might share objects, you learn and you wonder. You ask questions and give answers. And out of conversation would come another long and beautiful Hard Letter C Word: Connection.
It began as something I "directed" per the curriculum, but it ended being the place where the curriculum emerged. It transitioned and transformed along with the children. The conversation starter in the middle of the table would sometimes be an item brought from home or something carried over from another area. At times, children asked to bring additional chairs. Sometimes the Conversation Corner was a place for practicing a knock knock joke or playing a game. It was a place where children talked about losing a first tooth or going to kindergarten registration or a beloved pet dying. There were giggles and whispers and cackles and fart noises. There were arguments and feelings that were hurt and tears. There were memories shared and memories created. One day, there was a jar of stick puppets and two girls sat down together. They began to use the puppets to act out quarrels between friends--the classic (and then current) playground politics of "you're not my friend anymore!" These puppets stayed at the table for weeks as children took turns sitting in pairs--not always the same pairs--and role playing these scenes again and again and again.
I've seen most of these children continue to grow over the last several years and they are still some of the most close knit and caring friends to one another I've ever known. A great deal of that is the role their parents play and their teachers and the community connection at large. But I like to think a small part of that is due to the power of conversation.

So what if we made a place and a space for that conversation? What if we genuinely honored and respected the children in our classrooms enough to see that conversation happening is not an interruption to the lesson: it is the lesson. From the time it is in the womb, a fetus can begin to recognize familiar voices. Those first words are pivotal and even the first time they say "no" is positively adorable. Until we want them to sit down and shut up. We argued over which they would say first, "Mommy" or "Daddy," and then we wish they'd just for once call the other parent over and over and over again. We love their curiosity until around the age of 4 or 5 when they incessantly ask "but why?" And for all the time we spent waiting and wishing and hoping for them to talk, we begin to "shh" them and finish their sentences for them and eventually restrict them from blog length to Facebook post to 140 characters or less on Twitter to maybe a hashtag if we're not too busy to hear it. Better yet, just pose for a photo and we'll add a caption later...

It's an area I would still say I am growing in. I taught my students the art of a conversation, but I still struggle personally with the Listener Role and sometimes--a lot of the time-- I do interrupt. I want to fill my classrooms and my home and my hours with the best most important and valuable things in the world--when I could let go of those Pinterest plans altogether and simply grab two rocking chairs and a table instead. The power of conversation in our classrooms, in our homes, in the car, on the bus, at the table, in the woods, on the subway, in the library, at the park, in the grocery store--is connection. It is the tiniest of exchanges between me and a Walmart cashier that makes me feel human again when I leave the house without kids for the first time after giving birth. It is the simplest offering of "I think you're doing a great job!" that gives that cashier the strength to stand the final hour of her shift after being berated by an irate customer ahead of you. It is the anger still being held from an unfinished argument in the morning with his girlfriend who just wasn't listening that made the customer irate in the first place.

Conversation is connection. We live in a world of technology that strives to keep us connected 24/7 wherever we go. Can you hear me now? But the feeling of disconnect and discontent is wider than ever. With more and more information at our fingertips, we know and feel sure of less and less. Two rocking chairs and a table. Set aside the smart phone and the laptop and the educational apps and the tablets. Two rocking chairs and a table and the art of conversation as something shared by two people who take turns being talkers and listeners again and again and again.

Happy Playing!

"Please See Me:" A Heartfelt Letter From Your "Favorite" Student

Dear Teacher,

Please see me.

See that I am here to learn, not because I already know.

See that I am not my behaviors or my labels or my struggles

And that any and all of these are just me trying to tell you something important that I may not have the words for yet

See that it is not that I don't know how to do this or even that I can't

But that maybe I was just given the wrong tools for the job

(Show me one person who could change a tire with a disposable spoon and I have a sandbox to sell you in Florida...)

See that I am not what I did last year

Or even what I did last Tuesday

See that I am not my sibling or my friend or that kid in your class six years ago that I remind you of

See that I am not the sum of many parts with some still missing,

I am whole, I am complete, even if I am just three feet tall

See that I am worthy of second chances

Third chances

Seven hundred and ninety-fourth chances

See that I wish I could just erase all of my mistakes

But that an eraser that size would never fit inside my pencil case

See that my parents aren't clueless (although if you are a parent, you know they all are)

It's not that they don't see this, it's that they do. Magnified at 400 percent.

See that although I also drive them crazy (and trust me, it's a short trip)

That they would go to the ends of the Earth for me

So please just go to the end of the school year

Or even just to the end of the day

See that I am not the thrown toy or the meltdown or the disruption to your class

See that when the tantrum happened, that I didn't choose it, in fact it's the last thing in the world I would choose

It doesn't feel any better to me than it does for you

See that I just want to do the Right Thing and be the Big Kid

But right now I am still small

And this little body was not designed for sitting still and being quiet, for being seen but not heard

See that I walk in here every day holding a clean slate for you

And do the same for me

Because you are already The Teacher

You are already Who You Are

And I am still Becoming

In all my wiggles and giggles and mischief and strife

I am still Becoming

And I want to be so many things

Sometimes all at the same time

Sometimes I even want to be you

So please see me

Not as what I did

Or who I was

But as what I am

And who I will Become.

Love,

Your "Favorite" Student

Troubleshooting Tuesday: HELP! The kids aren't playing!

I've heard it from teachers. From parents. From my own lips. "Help! The kids aren't playing!" What do we do when we've "set up shop," we have all the "right things," but the children don't seem engaged? Today I'm going to take you through some of my own favorite troubleshooting steps--and you might find some of them a bit surprising...

But before I begin, I want to unpack this term "play." What is play? I like the work of Dr. Peter Gray when it comes to defining and exploring the concept of play both for children and adults. Here is a brief synopsis of 5 points he uses to define play and you can read more on that here:

1. Play is self-chosen and self-directed.
2. Play is activity in which means are more valued than ends.
3. Play has structure, or rules, which are not dictated by physical necessity but emanate from the minds of the players.
4. Play is imaginative, non-literal, mentally removed in some way from “real” or “serious” life.
5. Play involves an active, alert, but non-stressed frame of mind.

So when I get that nagging feeling in my gut that my kids or my students are not playing--I begin with that first point and this first step:

Finish the sentence. "The kids are not playing____" and? When I challenge myself to finish the sentence, it helps me to direct my attention toward a solution (if needed) or toward a better understanding of what is really going on. In particular, sometimes I have found that my perception of the children not playing is tainted by my perception of what their playing should look like. 

More and more, our early childhood venues are recognizing and reclaiming the importance of play in childhood. However, driven both by the external pressures of the "schoolification" of early childhood and the self-imposed pressures of Pinterest perfect play scenes, we sometimes miss the mark when it comes to truly nurturing and fostering an environment for play. 

If play is "self-chosen" and "self-directed," we need to recognize that even "playful activities" inspired for learning through play are still adult-directed. We also need to recognize that in our daycare and classroom settings--and even in our homes--parameters around play such as time limits, space limits, occupancy limits, limits on how materials are used, where they are used, when they are used, etc., are all externally chosen and directed. That said, this is not necessarily a bad thing! There are reasons those limits are set in some instances--safety, necessity of schedule, environmental factors and so on. And other times, perhaps we could increase our own flexibility.

"Wait!" you are saying... "but I do have a classroom/home that is full of play opportunities! Even my learning centers are play based!" So, yes, we do have a lot of play based activities in our homes and classrooms. However, once we begin to filter these experiences by where they should happen (dramatic play area, block area, library, art center, sensory table) or how long children may or must remain at an activity (sometimes even with timers!) and when they must be done or finished ("hey, it's time to go outside now" or even, "you're not done yet, you haven't filled the page!")...yeah, we kind of lost the child-chosen and child-directed aspect of play. 

In finishing that sentence, "the kids are not playing____," here are some of the most frequent versions I or others have experienced:

"The kids are not playing the way I expected them to." I set up a dramatic play scene for a vet shop, but the kids want to give me a check up. I put out paint and brushes, but the children are using their fingers. I envisioned they would use these loose parts to design a tree but they are building a house. The baby dolls are for the home living area but the children are bringing them to the block area. In these instances, it is usually easy for me to recognize in finishing that sentence that I, the adult, had expectations that were different from the children in my care. And then comes the part about choice. If choice is an inherent factor in true play, can I find a way to allow for choice? And the choice is also yours. Remember that it is not the end of the world if you have to set limits and parameters at times either out of necessity or even comfort. I do challenge us all to safely and securely expand our comfort zones, however that does not mean ignoring our own needs in favor of meeting everyone else's.

"The kids are not playing, they are....[being destructive, being loud, being silly, throwing things, being disrespectful to the materials...]" This one is so challenging to me. Whether I've intentionally set up an activity, set out a material or it's just their own toys at home, to see children using things in ways that I perceive as destructive strikes a nerve with me every time. And then I break that sentence down to focus on that last part. What they are doing. I challenge myself to see the action without the judgment of it--so perhaps to see the throwing without the qualifying characteristic of that being destructive or disrespectful. Many times it is helpful to look at the intention behind the action. A child who is not displaying signs of strong emotions in the moment of throwing a toy may not be throwing a toy to be angry, hurtful or destructive. Even if big feelings are a motivator, they may not have the recognition developmentally of that being "disrespectful." The intent is huge here. No, we cannot let children use things in a way that is destructive and harmful to the materials, to themselves, to others or to their space. But can we meet the need in another way? Deconstruction is a common childhood play schema--the interest in and urge to take things apart and discover how they work. So is trajectory (throwing things) and seeing how they move within our space. When we familiarize ourselves with common childhood play schemas it can help filter our perceptions of what is typical, what we can do to meet our children's play needs and to let go of some of that frustration and pressure we impose on ourselves. You can read some more about common play schemas here.

"The kids are not playing long enough." We've all seen it. Kids darting from one activity to another before you can blink an eye. Or kids visiting a new activity for the first time only to flee after a few minutes and move on to something old and familiar. Consider a few things that may be happening here. On the one hand, if you wait and watch, you might notice a child return to an activity for a longer period of time. Sometimes it is not that they didn't spend long enough, it's that we didn't. It takes a decent chunk of time for most children to deeply engage in play. And within this period of time, you will notice shifts in energy, focus and attention, pace and flow. It is similar to how we function in a work task; play truly is the work of our children. And engagement with an activity or experience can look different between an adult and a child and between one child and another. And even with the same child from one time to another. Alternatively, perhaps your expectations of how much time a child should spend on an activity were unrealistic. Again here, the intent plays a role. If a child has met their play intention with something and chooses to move on out of feelings of completion, that is "long enough."

And the tendency for some children to frequently return to familiar play things or scenarios is not necessarily a bad thing either. The children who opt out of a new or exciting activity that is offered in favor of building a tower for Elsa out of Magnetiles for the 973rd time is still needing to build that tower. Perhaps they are working out the engineering and mechanical end of it, navigating structural challenges and magnetism. Perhaps they are working through the story line end of it as they build on the theme both literally and figuratively. But this doesn't mean you need to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Leave the novel activity out, let them return later if they choose and if not, feel free to reintroduce it again at another date. We tend to feel so much pressure as parents and educators to reinvent the wheel every day. To offer something new and different from the day before. And we need to remember for ourselves and for our children--repetition is the essence of learning and development at this point.

"The kids are not playing with _____." I hear this one a LOT. Whether it's related to a specific area, toy/material, or even all encompassing--as in the children are not playing with most or any of the toys offered in a space. Especially when I hear (or say) "the kids are not playing with anything and they have so many toys," I usually find my answer right in the statement itself. Too much of a good thing is possible here. Sometimes having too many things out and available feels like option overload to our little players. Sometimes taking a portion of that away opens up space both physically and mentally to engage more deeply with what is available.  Many people worry that "taking things away" will be hard for the children and it doesn't necessarily have to be. If a child (including my own) asks "where is ___" or "why is ____ not out anymore?" I simply explain I put it away for now and will bring it back another time. Sometimes kids won't even say anything at all about such a change and will rather just begin to engage in play with what is out and available. And while many say it's easier to add than take away and to keep things minimal, especially at first, I don't think it is an all or nothing scenario. It's OK to start off with a minimal approach like this; it's also OK if you didn't and need to backtrack a bit.

"The kids aren't playing all of a sudden and they were just playing so nicely!" OK, how do I say this in a nice way? Um, they stopped playing because I came over. I've done this so many times in my classrooms or my home. The kids are playing, everyone's happy, not a worry in the world. So I waltz on in with my adult two cents. Maybe I decide to suggest we count the blocks in that Duplo tower. Or maybe I comment about what they're drawing. Or maybe I ask which superheroes they're pretending to be. Either way, I was not invited. And does someone always need an invitation to join in? No, but if you are the adult in the room, an unannounced and unplanned "visit" may not feel so welcome to the young players. In fact, it can feel like an interruption or intrusion. Have you ever watched a child approach a group of kids already engaged in play? This is where I take my cues. Some children will just watch for a bit and feel their way into joining the game. Many will say, "can I play?" I learn from their approach that there is great value in watching without labeling or hijacking and asking for an invitation is a beautiful skill! And if, as the adult in the room, your kids or students are playing nicely and all is well, you're not being lazy or unproductive by not saying and doing anything at all. You're not missing an opportunity to teach math if you don't count the Duplos. They already have the idea of one-to-one correspondence when they match one bump to one hole. Not to mention geometry, spacial awareness, "some," "a lot," "more," and so on...

There is a big push today to include open ended materials and loose parts play opportunities in homes and classrooms. Sometimes this push is a wee bit militant. I love loose parts play and open ended materials. I also think "traditional" toys have their place and "single function" playthings are still fun for kids and meaningful in play. In fact, when it comes to what children play with, I don't care as much about that as I do with how they play. Anything can be an "open ended loose part" if a child chooses to use it in such a way. However, in terms of including loose parts play opportunities, I do have a few suggestions here as well.

Many teachers or parents who take the loose parts plunge will note that they put out a whole bunch of stuff but the children don't really play with it. Again, sometimes I revisit those statements to decipher whether they are indeed not playing or if perhaps their play looks differently than I anticipated. Many times, this type of playing is new to children who may be used to playing with more traditional toys. If it is a novel way to play for you as well, they may pick up on some of your energy around it.. We often want to provide a lot of options of materials to use all at once, and many times it can be more effective to offer a large quantity of fewer materials at a time so the children can really explore them more deeply.

So many times I will be asked when I'm setting out a particular collection of objects, "what are you going to do with that?" and my response will be, "put it here and watch." But sometimes I also forget that I said that and then I might suggest things the children could do or demonstrate things they could create and all of a sudden, I have totally hijacked their play experience. Especially in cases where a child might feel particularly sensitive to not being able to replicate an adult design or idea, this can be hindering. I am definitely not saying to never set out a provocation or invitation to play, to never partake in a project based art activity or to never leave a little love note of play by setting up a small world scene or setting out a dramatic play environment. Everything can have its place and merit in a playroom.

It can also be a very enlightening experience to fully step out and back and to watch what the children do given the opportunity of adequate time and space. I often refer to time as my favorite loose part! We tend to want to jump in, to rescue our children from moments of idleness or silence, to protect them against boredom or redundancy. To match the play experience to the Instagram picture that inspired us to provide it. I have talked in the past about seeing a rising theme in my classrooms of children who "don't know how to play," and when I delve a bit deeper into that concept, I feel it needs to be reworded. It is not that children today do not know how to play, it is that many of them have not had many opportunities to engage in deep, self-directed. Play that is completely of their own choosing and not at all adult directed or inspired.

So what is our role as parents, caregivers and educators? I think we also need to look at our own play deficits. How often do we engage in deep, self-directed "play?" Can you think of the last time you played? What did that look like? Certainly our adult expressions of play are different from those of a child, but the need is the same. The need for a space that is entirely of our own creation. A pace that is entirely of our direction. And a purpose that is of our choosing. And when it comes to our children?There is no perfect pedagogy, no perfect toy, no perfect design of a space to play in or perfect agenda with regard to what you do in that space. There are a lot of right ways to play! There are a lot of right ways to facilitate play. There are a lot of right ways to honor, respect and nurture play. And there are a lot of ways that play can manifest. Allow yourself to consider the full sentence the next time you find yourself in that tailspin of worry and until then...

Happy Playing!

Oh My Goodness, These Kids Move Slower Than Molasses!

You guys, I just can't. I can't stand how long it takes my kids to get from A to B--even when they are looking forward to B, forget about when they are not. Even when B is a party. A party with a magician. And a balloon artist. And donuts and chocolate and chips and soda. A party they have been looking forward to and talking about for the last ten days. They still move slower than molasses. I'm pretty sure I've seen paint dry in the time it takes my boys to get from the living room out the front door and down the 4 steps to our minivan. What was that? A snail just made the perimeter of the entire parking lot in the time it took for one toddler to get one shoe on? I was born six weeks early and it is a precedent I have kept up in my life. I love to be early. On the other side of that coin is my severe phobia of being late and a strong level of anxiety related to rushing. So I have had to let go quite a lot. To lower that bar significantly enough that I can still see it on the horizon. And also to look into why these kids, yes all kids, move slower than molasses.

I'd like to interrupt this blog post to state that I have had a jar of molasses sitting in my spice rack for longer than I should publicly admit. The same jar of molasses. It has not once moved and my kids still move slower than that. I should probably go check its expiration date...

So yes, kids move at their own pace. A sometimes painfully slow one at that. And I get it on some level. Little legs take a longer time to get from here to there. Tasks like putting on shoes and coats and grabbing a school bag all take time when you are still quite new to them. But is there more to this picture than meets the eye? More than just dragging feet and dragging a heavy tote bag? You betcha!

I think it often boils down to one (or more than one) of the Four Cs. Control, Connection, Coordination, and Communication. 

Why is the child who loves to play outside taking 20 minutes to put his coat, hat, gloves and boots on? For one of my former students, the issue was coordination. It was too many steps and an attention/focus challenge made it nearly impossible to carry out the task in the same space as his peers. Given a separate space in the room where he was on his own was exactly what he needed to be able to move through the steps of getting himself dressed (which he was physically able to do) without the myriad distractions of watching his friends and hearing them talk that made it impossible to even begin. Game changer.

Why is S moving at a snail's speed to get into his car seat on our way to that party? He's super excited about it, but he wants to control when we leave because transitions are hard even and sometimes especially when you are excited. It's also partly the reason that Y lingers in the car after we get home from his school day. He asks to be unbuckled even before we get to the parking lot, but then when he is, he suddenly becomes stagnant. He is not going to a party; he is going to nap. He knows that and he wants to control the time frame within which that will happen because even though he is totally exhausted, he also wants to stay awake.

And for him, it is also a desire for connection. He loves school so much. He's always enthusiastic to go--even and especially on the two days of the week he does not attend. And yet, his lingering about doesn't just happen on the tail end before his nap. It also happens after an hour of repeatedly asking to go to school before school starts until that moment it is time to actually go. Picking out his choice of gloves and hat and scarf is a 10 minute ordeal at best. And then five more to lure him out the front door and toward the van. And then the battle of coaxing him ever so gently toward the van and up to his seat... Why is he moving so slowly???? And then we get there, he is gleefully shouting "it's my school! Mommy, it's my school!" but once the car is in park, it's like a time warp has occurred and we are again in slow motion. This is more than just control, he's also seeking connection. Y loves school and feels happy and secure there. He also loves home and feels happy and secure there. He is leaving one happy and secure environment to enter another; he is separating from me. He is 2 and navigating the space between two such great feelings of love and security is hard. He needs to know that loving his classroom won't detract from his loving his home. He needs to know that feeling love toward his teachers will not take away from the love he feels toward me. So I breathe quite deeply over and over and over again. Because we will be three minutes late no matter what. And that is OK.

And sometimes, that pace is a means of communication. Sometimes it's in indication that a child is tired or hungry or unwell or worried or confused. We got to the party but now S is seemingly stuck in the mud. Is anyone going to move here?? Yes, but this moment of stagnation is communicating that the environment is new and a little loud and very exciting and before we can go sit down, we need to see and scan the room. Y was really eager to go home and eat lunch but taking forever to get into the car again. Why? Because he was hungry and his belly hurt and he was so tired from playing at the children's museum that he fell asleep on the 10 minute drive home. He was communicating that we had stayed a little too long at our first activity and he needed to eat and rest.

I often say that nothing is more exciting to my kids than our parked minivan. They might be totally enthusiastic to get home for a movie night or to the playground for my outdoor meetup, but once that van is in park, that's where the party is at. And they linger. They lag. They lollygag around. And two things have happened almost simultaneously. I have totally lost my mind (and temper) and also learned to recognize my own need to slow down. I am not quite down to a steady speed of Molasses Miles per Hour like they are, but I can manage to go from a gallop to a canter. To embrace the pace or at least grit my teeth trying...

Happy trails and, as always,

Happy Playing!

Troubleshooting Tuesday: The Cleanup Conundrum

 I was recently listening to an episode of a new (to me) favorite Podcast, Loose Parts Nature Play entitled "Strategies for Cleaning Up With Loose Parts." The voice (and person) behind this incredible podcast (and website) is Dr. Carla Gull, an educator, outdoor teacher and expert on loose parts play and nature based learning. I am so inspired by her work and wisdom. I will humbly admit, however, that while I consider myself progressive as a parent and educator, I'm not quite at the point of maturity and wisdom myself where I can look at my living room carpet covered in blocks, rocks, peg dolls and fairy furniture at 8PM and see it as "play residue" and not, well, a giant mess. But hearing her (and others') framework on concept of mess versus evidence of play did raise my awareness and curiosity on the matter...

What do you see? Is it a tower or a mess? We took
this photo before it was time to clean up so it can
be added to our BluePrints Book for ideas
and instructions on future buildings...

Oh, the cleanup conundrum. The struggle is real. In the classroom. In the yard. In the playroom. At home. In the car. It follows us, well, wherever they do! We've all stepped on a Lego. Tears have been shed. Sometimes even blood. Toys have been broken, lost, abandoned, neglected. There have been battles, even outright wars. There has been bargaining, yelling, negotiating. Songs have been sung. Timers have been set. Prompts have been given and warnings and threats and consequences. Excuses have been made. Tantrums have been thrown. Toys have been thrown. Expletives have been thrown. All over the single, simple sentence: "It's time to clean up."

So let's unpack this a bit--I warn you, it may get messy in here...

Only One Word
We have a lot of words and phrases for what the children do with the toys and materials of the ECE classroom or home playroom. Free play. Choice Time. Table Time. Work Time. Play time. Centers. Small Groups. We have a lot of words and phrases for the spaces used for this activity. Playroom. Stations. Work Space. Block Area. Dramatic Play Center. Art Center. Writing Center. Toy box. Kids' Room. Science Lab. Math Shelf. Atelier. Backyard. Playground. But when it's "that time" all of a sudden their work, play, choice, building, center, math, art, writing, science experiment all becomes synonymous with one word: mess. Clean up this mess.

Imagine...
Imagine you have just spent two and a half hours painting a true work of art on canvas. Someone in an authoritative position now comes up to you and says, "Ok, it's clean up time. Time to wipe all of that messy paint off your canvas!" Perhaps she gave you a prompt five minutes ago. "In five minutes, we're going to be wiping off that canvas!" Perhaps he came ringing a little bell. She maybe even sang a song about it while traipsing around the room and perhaps he's also dimmed the lights to, you, know, set the ambiance or pace.

Imagine you have just finished typing a 24 page research paper on your computer. You spent hours pondering your topic. You took multiple trips to the library finding books. You spent weeks drafting, editing and rewriting. You are almost done. And a prompt pops up on your screen. "Click DELETE ALL to Clean Up This Mess!" There is only one button; it serves only that function.

Imagine you have spent the afternoon baking an apple pie from scratch. You rolled the dough, you peeled and sliced the apples, you even made several tiny apple shapes out of pie crust to decorate the top. You baked it to golden, buttery perfection; you can't wait to dig into it later and share this act of labor and love with your family. And a timer goes off. Time to clean up this mess and return all of those ingredients to their proper space! Put the flour back in the bag, the butter back in the fridge. Put those eggs back in their shells and return the peels to those apples. Cinnamon goes in the spice jar. That's not where the baking powder belongs... Bit by bit, bite by bite, your pie is returned to its original form: a bag of flour, a pack of butter, a carton of eggs, a bushel of red, ripe apples...

It would feel completely unsettling and disorienting to see our "work" dismantled in this way. We would feel an enormous sense of loss and violation. And if it happened repeatedly multiple times each and every day? We would probably intuit that our work has little value or meaning to begin with. Why, when we know that play is the work of the child, do we expect them to feel differently when we frolic over to their work space, waving a colorful ribbon wand in the air and gleefully singing "I looked at my watch and what did it say? It's time to put the toys away!"

I've seen it (and probably done it) all:
It's too heavy. I'm too tired. I have to go to the bathroom. I can't do it by myself. But I'm not done! I don't want to clean up!

And then, the battle ensues. Do we give up? Do we give in? Do we take away privileges or toys? Do we offer praise or rewards? Do we shrug it off, avert our eyes and sweep in with the toy bin or even the trash bag later on when they're finally out of the room or asleep?

Why is clean up time always a battle? From avoidance to bargaining to denial and outright shouting matches, clean up time has been a state of chaos for generation upon generation. Here are some thoughts to consider:

• Associations with Transition: Clean up time is often associated with a transition. We must clean up because we're doing _____ now. Perhaps ____ is a desired activity (like going on a trip or playing outside) or, perhaps it is not (like going to bed or running an errand). Either way, it is an outside source placing parameters around time and ownership of it. You are done because I said you are done. Whether or not you are done...
• Associations with Value of Work: He sees the rug as his canvas. The blocks and loose parts strewn across it are his paint strokes. This resembles a pig sty to you; to him it is a masterpiece. When you ask him to clean up his toys, you are placing your measure of value over his. You see it is toys--playthings, objects that have a proper place and function. He sees it as a work of art and the toys were the medium by which he expressed it. To you, they are transient--their function is to entertain and then return to the shelf. To him, they were meant to be permanent (or at least last a bit longer). They were part of his masterpiece meant to invoke wonder and curiosity and joy. To you, they are beautiful when they are neatly displayed on the toy shelf. To him, they were beautiful when strewn across the rug. 
• Ownership of Pace: When it is play time, we don't walk around the room urging children to hurry up and play faster. Why then, do we feel justified in walking around the room urging children to clean up faster?
• Ownership of Space: In play, children own their space. They have freedom to decide on the function, position and purpose of toys and materials. They run the show, they navigate the ship, they claim the land. At clean up time, all of a sudden (ok, maybe after a 5 minute warning), the space, the show, the ship and the land return to us as we request and require that they return to the toy bin.

  

  I'm enough of a nerd about play to be super
  excited when Y is demonstrating the developmental
  play schema to line things up. But how will I respond
  when it's time to clean up? Will I still honor his work of
  art and design or does it belong in the bowl on the shelf?

And so we can see some of the factors that play into making clean up time more difficult. Play belongs to the child. But the value of it, the time frame, the space in which it occurs and ceases to occur all belongs to us, the adult. Add to that our frequent encouragements and requests that both of these elements be done independently. We want our children to play independently and navigate that process on their own. We value their ability to engage and remain engaged. And then, suddenly, simultaneously, we devalue it and diminish it. Now it must stop. Now it is over. Now they must independently engage and remain engaged in dismantling, disassembling and destroying everything they spent the last hour breathing into existence. Not exactly an ideal scenario when you think about it that way. 

Imagine if some other entity had gone to G-d back in the time of Creation and said:

Other Entity: "G-d, this is great! You did a wonderful job making light and darkness, the heavens and the seas, the vegetation and the fish and birds and the planets and the sun and the stars and the moon... And the animals? The people? The Sabbath? It's incredible! I love it! And what's most impressive? You didn't need my help! I didn't have to give You my input or my attention or anything at all--You did this all on Your own. So now, I am sure it will come as neither a surprise nor an inconvenience that I'd also like You to quickly and quietly put this all back where it belongs without my input, attention or anything at all. All on Your own."

G-d: "But Other Entity, I wasn't done! I want to keep using this! It's better this way. Before, it was just chaos."

Other Entity: "Oh, G-d, silly G-d. Everything has a place and those stars and planets belong on the bottom left of the middle shelf. You know, if You'd practice a little thing my Mommy called CAYG, Clean As You Go and put the sheep away before You took out Adam and Eve, this would be a lot easier..."

OK, so that's an extreme example. We cannot realistically live and function in shared spaces where things are never cleaned up and put away, whether that is at home or in a classroom. We also cannot realistically eliminate the need to transition from one activity to another at specific times. Every person has a different threshold for containing "the mess" and every person has to decide in their space what that looks like. Here are a few ideas to consider and from there you can test and tinker with what works for you and the individuals in your space:

• Can There Be a Space for Works in Progress? Frequently children in my care (and home) will ask if I can save a building or playdough sculpture or activity for them. When I can , I try to allow for a space where these can remain. Sometimes children do return to this. Sometimes they don't. Either way, it conveys a message of value in their work and their ownership of their time and environment. I do, in those instances, still ask my kids to put away the parts or at least organize the parts that are not currently in use.
• Documentation: When a child is particularly attached to a structure or temporary creation that cannot be saved past a particular time, I offer an option of documentation. Children can take a photo of their work or with their work. S and I have actually been stocking up on photos of block buildings for a "Blueprints Book." They can draw their work on paper. They can write directions on how to build a building again. They can write, dictate or draw a reminder on a sticky note that they would like to do this activity when we get back or first thing in the morning, etc.
• Engage and Include Them In the Process: When it comes to sharing a space and keeping it functional for everyone, it's important to take into consideration everyone's view and vision. Invite every member of your living or learning space to include input and ideas for how things might be kept in between use. Everything has a place where it belongs, but perhaps we can engage and include children in that arrangement. There may be a reason a child is more reluctant to put an item in a particular spot. Perhaps a heavier basket of blocks is difficult to return to a high shelf. Or maybe it feels more comforting to have a favorite doll visible in the dramatic play area than stuffed away in a basket. Asking questions and inviting children to the process of arranging your classroom or playroom setup is a great way to empower them in the process of play (and cleanup) and it doesn't mean you have to always say yes. You can offer choices and alternatives that work for everyone.
• Name it: And when the unavoidable task is daunting but still necessary, sometimes just naming the feeling helps to shrink it (and the associated task) back down to manageable size. "You feel really rushed right now and you wish you could have more time with your play." "It's really hard to be done when you don't feel done." "It feels really hard and the job feels really big. Let's work together and decide what to do first."
• Did You Remember to Teach the Full Lesson? One of the things I think we often forget and neglect as parents and educators is to teach the full lesson of our play and learning space. We are thoughtful and intentional in how we set up the room. We might also give direct lessons on how to use items and materials around the space. But did we also teach and show our children how and where to put things away? Pictures and labels can be helpful in some environments, and physically carrying out a lesson in carrying a toy back to its location can go a huge distance in promoting independence for children to navigate their time and work in this space from start to finish. It can potentially reduce some of the challenge of cleaning up, particularly if some of it arises from not knowing how to put the things away.
• Give Choices and Tools for Cleanup: We've all been there. The sink is overflowing with dishes. The hampers have exploded Mount Washmore onto every surface of the bedroom and beyond. The task at hand is daunting. To a degree, however, we have choices and tools. I have a sponge and dish soap. I have a washer and dryer. I have a husband who helps! I can choose to fold the laundry with him while we watch a show. I can choose to do the dairy dishes and he does the meat. Given adequate choices and tools, cleanup tasks can feel a little less daunting. Sometimes I get creative with kids. Mr. Munch the Block Basket is very hungry and he wants to eat all of the red blocks first. A sensory table is a great place to hang and store a dust pan and dust brush. Children often love the tasks of sweeping, washing, wiping and using just about any type of "real" adult tool (and child-sized versions are readily available). They may need some direction in how to use these items, but given the right tools for the job, they can and often love to help. 
• Keeping Expectations in Check: And I think it is also important to be reasonable in expectations. Sometimes that means asking my 2 year old to pick up 2 toys or my 4 year old to pick up 4 toys at the library before it's time to leave. Sometimes that means providing a reminder in play time that it is sometimes easier to work in a space that is free from clutter of toys and materials not currently in use or that the task at the end of our time in a play area may feel less overwhelming if we clean a bit as we go and shift from activity to activity. I do generally make that a choice in our home--you can clean up the window blocks now to make room for the magnetiles or we can put it all away at the very end. If my kids are literally stepping on and tripping over things to the detriment of the toys themselves and their own tiny toes, we do take a break to reorganize/rearrange. There are days that we are all amazing contributors and helpers in this house. Everyone works together, everyone does their share. At the end of the night, everything is put in place. Other days, not so much. Maybe my husband does more of the laundry and dishes these days. Maybe we both sometimes end up cleaning up the play area once the kids are asleep. The point is not to strive for perfection but rather to be open-minded to making things work well in the environment we all share as much as possible. This means that we revisit, re-evaluate and sometimes restructure.
• Keeping Quantities in Check: I'm great about this in our downstairs spaces and even outdoors. I do a lot of toy rotation and we keep our shelves and spaces minimally but adequately stocked. The kids play more functionally that way and we can all manage the space more easily during and after play times. Upstairs in their room? Not so great. I finally managed to just put bins and baskets on the shelves for all the toys and trinkets to be stored in, but let's just say that nearly every day during his "nap time," a certain Y gets out of bed and busy dumping, strewing about and redesigning these objects across the floor and beds into what I can only humorously call with tongue in cheek, "Play Residue!"

So I'm not quite there yet where I can fully let go of a need to control the space I call our home. I can't stand messes and for better or for worse, I know this anxiety of mine stems from how others in my life portrayed the word "mess." I also see how that anxiety spilled onto S early in our lives together. The first time he threw up, he was not upset or scared about the icky feeling or pain; he was worried about the "mess." Y bids us farewell from his bed each night and nap time with a reminder (seemingly to himself) to "No make mess!" I can't live in filth and for our safety and sanity I do need to somewhat manage the clutter. But I can strive to see things through another lens--through my children's eyes--that what might look like mess to me could be a masterpiece in progress to them. We will probably always be navigating this challenge in one way or another and in between those moments of problem solving, pondering, revisiting and re-framing, we will also always be happily playing! That is their work and therefore it is also mine.

Happy Playing!

Think Outside the Box Thursday: The Spectrum of "Participation" and Engagement

I have a confession to make. When I started nursery school in 1987, my father gave me some frank advice: always sit in the front row and raise your hand. I, however, sat in my cubby and cried for my Mommy. Every. Single. Day. She was lucky enough to be serenaded by the soothing symphony of my sobs as she taught in the classroom across the hall. After a while, my teachers brought a small table over to my cubby and set out toys or activities. I "participated" from there, next to a fellow cubby dweller who "participated" in a similar fashion. Even in my first music class, an activity I had natural talent for and interest in, chocolate bars were not even incentive enough to "get me to participate."  I took the remainder of the year off before returning the next fall when I was ready to tackle the next sixteen years of classical piano training, eventually composing and performing my own works.

All in!

#mood

As a parent and a teacher, I am aware that "participation" looks different for different children. And this can vary from setting to setting, from day to day, and even within the course of one hour. Nonetheless, we tend to categorize and label children we teach, as well as our own. This child is shy. This one "refuses to participate." This one is not engaged or not participating. We come up with "rules" of this trade of participation. You must try. You must take a turn. And many times, these rules are different for our children than they are for us. If you did not feel comfortable dancing public, would you require yourself to take a Zumba class? And yet, the child who doesn't want to dance at music time is condemned for not participating. And on the other end of that spectrum is the child who is so eager to participate, but engages in a way that we deem disruptive, different or otherwise inappropriate--so as a consequence, we deny him the opportunity to participate at all.

Today, I want to unpack this idea of "participation," and look at ways we can nurture and support each child's unique disposition and current abilities. I want to start, however, by throwing away the word "participation" altogether and replacing it with engagement. Although this article from The Seattle Times talks specifically about the psychology of sports fandom, it references recent scientific studies that show the powerful affect on the brain of even watching sports. Brain waves of viewers to the sport actually mimicked those of the athletes actively playing. What this tells us is that even the child who is watching an activity is still engaged and learning.

Engagement plays out differently in a traditional classroom or group setting than it does at home and even more uniquely when members of the home are involved! My own preschooler is likely to soak up the scene in his classroom every morning before beginning his activities. He typically takes a few visits to a library story time or new activity before he wants to join in. The first few times I attended school events with him, he acted completely differently than when I am not there, a trick I invented in 1987. In the car on our way to a third family school function last year, I asked him "is it different that teachers and parents are here at the same time?" "Yes!" he responded. "Yeah, I know that's a little different and it can feel a little funny, but you can still do the things you would usually do with your teachers and school friends even when I am here and even though it feels a little funny." And he did. But would it have been OK with me if he didn't? Honestly, yes!

And on his very last day of school before the end of the year show, he announced that he was not going to sing the songs his class prepared. He was not lying. He stood there on the stage and didn't move a muscle. He wouldn't even hold his prop up and the show went on. He did, however, sing those songs every single day at home for weeks before that morning and for weeks to follow. Do I know why he refused to "participate" that day? Not really. I imagine it felt awkward and the microphones were loud and the room was not one he's used to. It had elements of performance and formality and saying goodbye and all of those things are uncomfortable. He fully participated in eating cupcakes afterward and I'm good with that.

In my classrooms, I have seen a range of student engagement. Whether it's at a group time, an independently led play or work time, indoors, outside, in games or led movement activities and even at the lunch table or walking in line, student engagement looks different from child to child. There are those who always want to be first. Those who prefer to go last. Some look around to see what others are doing and then join in, while others prefer to coexist in a parallel scenario. There are children who always wish to be with others and children who prefer to be alone. We tend to have an extrovert bias with children when plenty of us adults identify as introverted and prefer our own company at times. We all know the kid whose hand goes up when the teacher says "Raise your hand if--" even before that sentence is finished. And we also know the child who when offered a turn will always decline.

I cannot in the space of a blog post address each unique scenario or child. I will touch upon some general issues of relevance and would love to respond to any individual ideas or concerns in the comments or privately.

"Resistant" or "Hesitant" Engagement is the overarching term I coined for the end of the spectrum where those who might be deemed "not participating at all" would fall. It can also include children who are "slow to warm up" in social settings, group activities or other tasks. These include the scenarios where a child declines a turn or prefers to sit on the sidelines instead of playing a game or won't try an activity at all. Let's first look at potential contributing factors:

Why?

• Just ask! It seems overly obvious, but sometimes asking a child privately (not in front of the group or in the moment), can provide your solution. The child might have a reason he doesn't want to join in an activity and if he can tell you what it is, even better! If not, here are some to consider...
• Personal circumstances like energy level, hunger, illness, sleep deprivation, emotional disturbance or conflict at home or in the classroom, having to use the bathroom can all play a role in engagement.
• The environment itself can play a huge role. An activity that is loved in a familiar and quiet space may be loathed in a loud and unfamiliar space. Noise, smell, lighting, physical structure and its impact on mobility, crowd and population can all affect a child's response to an environment and her comfort level with engaging in activities.
• The activity is new. First times can be scary. Many children (and adults) are resistant to trying something new for the first time.
• The activity is developmentally inappropriate. Whether too hard or too easy, a child may avoid activities that are outside his developmental range.
• Distraction due to any environmental factor or combination thereof--whether it's internal or external can also affect engagement. This includes distraction from an activity a child did not feel done with prior to the moment or one she is thinking about doing later. 
• Performance anxiety is something that affects most people in some realm. It is unreasonable and also unfair to expect young children to merely "push through that." Whether it's answering a question in front of peers, performing in a show, reading aloud, trying a new food, or playing a sport or game, many children feel some level of performance anxiety.
• Fear of embarrassment is sometimes a factor of performance anxiety (see above) and sometimes also a factor of perfectionism in children who are sensitive to making mistakes or being "wrong." It can also be a manifestation of feeling self conscious in doing something new or outside of a child's comfort zone.
• Time can also play a role in engagement. On one end of the spectrum, children may grow bored and disengage--whether it's because an activity is too long or a waiting period is too long. On the other end of the spectrum, a sense of being rushed can cause anxiety or even cause children to intuit that the activity is not important or worth their time at all.
• Processing differences affect engagement in a variety of ways. Children who learn best visually have a harder time in auditory settings. Children who learn best through movement have a harder time in stationary activities. Sensory processing differences can also factor in for children who may be greatly affected by a variety of sensory stimuli having little or nothing to do with the activity at all or even more so when a sensory aversion is triggered by the activity itself (i.e. sound sensitivity, texture aversions, and so forth). Executive functioning and organizational difficulties can affect children in settings where multiple things are going on simultaneously or multiple steps are involved in carrying out a task.
• Lack of Interest: Let's be realistic here--not everyone likes everything! Some kids are just not into sports. Some are just not into music. You don't love every part of your day, neither do our children.
• Control, attention and sneaky secondary benefits: This is that gray area I love! This is where a child's refusal or hesitance to engage with an activity has more to do with their desire to control the situation than the activity itself. It could be that they desire the response they receive from not "participating." It could be that this response is adult attention (whether positive or negative) or an opportunity to engage in a preferred activity (sometimes with the adult one on one or independently). 
• "Muscle Memory" is what happens when a child has done something in a particular way once or twice or a dozen times and continues to do so whether or not it is beneficial or necessary. A child who "sat out" of an activity sometimes continues to do so even past the point of needing or wanting to do so merely because she has done so before and perhaps needs support to know how to engage.
• Peer Pressure and Preference: Some children are motivated by what their peers are doing or not doing. Some will choose not to engage when a peer does so and vice versa. This can be a double edged sword.
• Anxiety, Learning Differences, and Behavioral/Medical Factors: For whatever reason, an activity is difficult or ill suited to a child because of severe anxiety (more than typical childhood fears and anxieties), a learning difficulty such as speech/language delay, gross motor delay, physical, behavioral or emotional disability and so forth. Please note that in these cases (and in most other cases as well) it is not a lack in the child who is not participating but rather a lack of accessibility in the way an activity is presented, taught or in the environment itself. 
• It should also be noted that if you are concerned as a parent or educator that a significant medical or behavioral issue is preventing a child from participating and engaging in activities quite frequently and that this is inhibiting a child's success and sense of self esteem, it may be helpful to ask for support from a professional.

"Differently/Disruptively" Engaged children may be eager to be involved in an activity but struggle to do so in a "typical" (as defined by adults) manner. They may call out answers out of turn or be physically mobile and wiggly during seated/stationary activities. They may be more prone to getting distracted or seem "spacey." They may be chatty with peers or veer off topic. While many of the actions and behaviors of a "differently" engaged child may mimic those of a "hesitantly" engaged child, the intent is not to avoid the activity. In fact, these children want to be a part of the activity but struggle to carry out the task. Additionally, some of the factors that play into the challenge are also the same as those that play into resistant and hesitant engagement. These may include the following (see above for more detail):

• Environmental factors
• Personal circumstances
• Learning, processing and developmental differences

Children with attention span differences may need more support to engage in activities that are lengthy and involve waiting periods. A child who is wiggly and moving around, however, may not necessarily be having difficulty paying attention. He may be struggling with core weakness or low muscle tone, making a seated or stationary activity more challenging. Children who are quite chatty and verbose during times that quiet is needed may need an alternative outlet for socializing--whether that means they need a gentle reminder of when there will be a time to share a personal anecdote or story or a space that is more conducive to independent working/listening (i.e. not next to a good friend). A child whose voice volume is louder or quieter than necessary may be struggling with an underlying auditory challenge or hearing impairment. Visual impairments and social differences can affect a child's gaze, focus or ability to make eye contact. Learning styles and potential delays can affect how a child processes information--whether it is directions given verbally, visually, etc. As always, a child's internal and external environment will also affect their success in engaging in an activity. While these are all potentially tricky things to pinpoint, they are all factors that should be considered when we observe a child being "disruptive" in their engagement with an activity.

Troubleshooting Time! I want to reiterate the power of involving the child in the solution. This includes asking him why he may not be engaging in the way you'd expect as noted above. But I also want to stress the importance of how you ask this. And to begin with, we need to toss out our expectations as much as possible. Sure, we have an idea of what engagement should look like, but it truly does look differently for different children. A child watching and experiencing something from "the sidelines" may still be enjoying herself and learning. Asking a more open-ended question of a child in concern--"how was that for you?-- might get you further than "why didn't you participate?" And asking "what can I do to help you feel more comfortable?" can go a long way further than threats or painful consequences. Here are some other things to consider:

• Make sure personal circumstances and environmental factors and are tended to. As much as you can, try to address any internal or external factors that may inhibit a child from engaging in an activity. Setting up the environment for success sets up a child for success.
• Assess Accessibility: Is your activity and environment accessible to all children? This includes (as much as possible) having an activity that meets the developmental needs and current abilities of all of the children present--even if you need to adapt for certain individuals. Automatically including small and simple accommodations in your space can go a long way toward eliminating issues. 
• Having visual directions, social stories and posters depicting multi-step tasks in areas where they need to be carried out independently can support all students. One example is having multi-step directions through photos or pictures hung in a bathroom depicting the steps of hand-washing. Another would be having a poster with pictures/print in a cubby area or entry way showing the steps of unpacking personal belongings upon arrival and packing them at the end of the day. This can be adapted to a home environment as well to support children in dressing themselves or bedtime routines. 
• Having a towel or wet wash cloth available in the vicinity of a messy play activity can go a long way in supporting children who are averse to getting their hands dirty. Having an option of a paint brush or other utensil can support children averse to the textures of paint or other art/sensory play materials. 
• Sometimes assessing accessibility can involve these ways of thinking "outside the box," and sometimes it's also more "inside the box" and "obvious" culprits that affect engagement. Can children reach and access everything they need to fulfill a task? Do you have access to everything you need in your space? Wait times while you have to go and gather materials or individually support a child who didn't have something they needed can cause a disruption to the natural flow.
• Evaluate Expectations: This one is so important and yet it is something I continue to struggle with both as a teacher and a parent. Whether it is my expectations of how an activity will be received or what a child should/will do with a particular material, I often find that my expectations do not match my outcomes. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised. Sometimes I am disappointed, frustrated or confused. We need to keep our expectations in check--both for our own sake and for the sake of our children. On the one hand, I do think it is valuable to model working through emotions of surprise, disappointment, wonder, confusion, etc. with young children. On the other hand, keeping our own emotions and reactions in check creates a safe environment for children to express and experience their own. I may be averse to having my hands covered in slime, but you'd better bet that I am not going to initiate that activity by saying or demonstrating that feeling. I might, however, share that I feel that way later on into it and talk about how I move through it and enjoy the sound of bubbles popping in slime and watching it expand in its liquid form and gather into a ball when I apply pressure with my hands.
• "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em!" If we are sitting on the sidelines ourselves, how can we expect our children to actively engage? For example, I take my boys to a story time at the library, but I am busy at my phone--either catching up on correspondence or taking photos (that's usually the more common culprit) and they are naturally more interested in my phone than in the librarian. Am I at all surprised when I  am more engaged with my phone than the librarian? Or, I take my students to a music and movement class, but I'm sipping my coffee and catching up on cutting out laminated pictures for an art activity that afternoon and suddenly I have half a dozen little ones lining up next to me to see what I'm doing. Is it at all hard to imagine that they would intuit that my activity is more important in this moment than what they should be doing when I am not participating? As a mother and as a teacher, I know full well it is unrealistic to feel that I should or can engage with my children at all times throughout the day. It is equally unrealistic to feel that they should or can engage in all activities throughout their day. It is very helpful, however, when we see children begin to veer off the course of their natural tendencies to engage to take a moment to reconnect with them and with the activity at hand. 
• Laying the Framework: We all know the value in building a strong foundation. When introducing a new toy, material or activity, we need to ensure that children know what the expectations are, how to use what is available and how to carry out a task from beginning to end. (Many times, we forget that beginning and end part of gathering materials and putting them away and focus only on the middle!) How many times have I put in an immense amount of time and effort into setting up a play area, work center or activity in my home or classroom only to see the children have no interest at all or play for just seconds and move on? When this happens, I go through my mental check lists of items above and then, if and when I have addressed everything else, I join in and play along. Modeling and connecting are huge aspects of helping children to learn in their school and home environments. Additionally, that aspect of connecting through shared play and experience are huge in building rapport and feelings of security. Children who feel supported and trust their environment and the people in it are far more likely to engage and succeed.
• Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater: When engagement goes awry--in whatever way and for whatever reason--it does not mean you need to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. It's ok to take a break. It's ok to come back to something in a few minutes or even much, much later. It's ok to reintroduce an activity or a material again, to start over or even to choose to abandon ship if and when that feels appropriate. I don't think the response is ever going to be the same in every scenario nor should it be. 

As long as we are meeting our children where they are in a given moment--knowing that this fluctuates even in the course of a day--and we are supporting them in moving beyond that space to grow and thrive at a pace that is appropriate for them, we are doing our part to support all children in engagement throughout their lives.

I'd love to hear from others on challenges and successes they've had with students and/or their own children in the matter of participation and engagement. Feel free to comment below or contact me personally. We will be back soon with some great winter themed play activities and survival tips for school vacation. Until then...

Happy Playing!

Think Outside the Box Thursday: Art for ALL

 I used to know "everything" when I first started teaching and then I finished my college degree and still knew a "few things." Once I had my first child, all of my knowledge and wisdom about teaching and child-rearing magically vanished (unlike the baby weight) and I am now as blissfully ignorant about the early childhood years as the next guy!

I returned to the classroom 5 weeks after S was born and was thrust into this brave new world of knowing absolutely nothing. Parenthood has turned me into a student both at home and in the classroom. I am constantly watching and learning and questioning. I use my village as necessary and it's necessary more often than I'd ever imagined. And perhaps the greatest asset to that village are the children themselves! Young children may have different ways of communicating than adults, but they tell us a lot when we are willing to listen and observe.

Whether you are a parent including structured play activities at home, more formally home schooling or a classroom educator, I hope you'll find these "troubleshooting" posts to be yet another part of your own village. The ideas I will share are all based on my own observations and home or classroom practices. Every child and setting is unique and as such, we need to adapt (and often adapt again and again and again) accordingly. Feel free to try what makes sense and ditch what doesn't! Also feel free to share some of your own thoughts with me in the Comments section or through personal contact. I'm always looking for fresh ideas!

Since we have been exploring Art and Artists this summer, I wanted to kick off our first post with a theme about art with young children. Why is it that some children are naturally drawn to art activities while others are not? Why do some children fill a page while others flee the scene after just a line or two? One child will mass produce picture after picture and another will sit with the same piece of work for hours on end. A little boy rushes in to the art table and begins his work even before being given instructions. Another little girl is sitting, staring at the blank paper, well after instruction has ended. Certainly, children all have different areas of interest, different strengths and talents and different areas of growth and rates of development. How can we as parents and educators work with this to create an environment that encourages art for ALL?

I will (over)simplify this into four basic steps:

1. Plan for Success
2. Assess and Address
3. Revisit and Revise
4. Observe and Evaluate

And now, for the juicy details...

1. Plan For Success: Whether you are setting up your art center/materials in a classroom or at home, whether for a structured activity or simply for open access, it is important to plan ahead for maximum success. Here are a few key pointers to consider even before you begin...

• Can children reach and access all of the things they will need independently?
• Are materials at child level and visible?
• On the other end of that coin, if you intend to give verbal and/or visual directions first , are your materials out of accessible reach so that they will not provide an immediate distraction. Please remember that we want children to engage with art supplies. However, expecting them to not handle supplies within their reach while being given directions is very challenging for most.
• Do the children know all of the steps involved to get the materials they will need and to put them away when they are done? 
• If you are doing a structured activity or project, do you have everything you need out and accessible? It is helpful to think of all of the steps of your activity from preparation to execution to cleanup. If children need to color and glue, you might want to have markers out first and then the glue when they are done coloring (otherwise, your markers may get super gluey and stop working properly). If the children are painting, do you have an open space set up for drying finished work? Do you have wet rags or wipes nearby for painty hands? Where will children need to go to wash up when they are done and how will they get there?
• Consider the space and time. Do you have enough physical space and time for the project you are about to embark on? Would your setup work best at a table or on the floor? Seated or standing? Can you provide options within these parameters for children who work better standing or laying on their tummy on the floor?
• Are your materials all functional? Nothing is more frustrating than finding empty glue sticks or dried up markers and crusty paint brushes when you're ready to get to work! Do your best to weed those out in advance and also to instruct the children to manage their materials as well. Children can throw away an empty glue stick and help wash brushes and remember to cap those markers. Invite them to be resourceful and responsible with materials and this little bit of effort will go a long way!
• What skill sets are necessary for completing an activity and are these all within your child[ren]'s range? Tasks as minute as pressing a cap all the way down on a marker or squeezing glue out of a bottle or using a "helping hand" to direct paper as the dominant hand cuts are all new and challenging to young artists. Spending the time to support them in the development of these skills can go a long way in eliminating frustration. I would even go so far as to encourage adults to work with children to master these skills rather than always stepping in to do so for them. The self-confidence that inherently comes with self-competence truly feeds creativity in art and other forms of work and play.
• Safety as always is vital. Make sure that appropriate supervision and support is provided with materials that can pose a choking risk or sharp objects and even permanent paints and markers. 
• Do allow for use of "real" materials and art supplies, even those that are sharp and permanent. This provides a supported environment in which these forms of "real work" are mastered and children develop a confidence in and reverence for the use of these tools.
• Protecting spaces and clothing is something to consider as well. Some adults are not too concerned about colorful mishaps and others are. Some children are also more likely to feel concerned about this than others. Make sure that you have adequate coverage options for your work space and for the children themselves. I love using cheap vinyl placemats as "art mats" for smaller scale projects and activities and leaving smocks optional and accessible at home (sometimes less optional in a classroom setting since parents may not appreciate newly tie-dyed clothes coming home). For larger scale messy activities, you may want a cheap shower curtain, tablecloth or sheet to use as a drop cloth and to cover the area. You may also want to dress yourself and your younger artists in clothing that is OK to get messy.
• 
  
2. Assess and Address: This is where the rubber meets the road! You've put all the preparations in place and now your activity is underway. You notice that while some of the children are taking to it, some are struggling to begin, rushing to finish or otherwise displaying distress. Here are some common concerns that may come up and ways to address them in the moment...

• The activity feels too challenging. Many factors can play into a child perceiving that an art activity is too difficult. Perhaps there are too many steps. Children with difficulty processing verbal directions may do better given a visual support. I like to use 3 prompt cards made with movable Velcro parts to support these children. Even pre-readers can use a 3-prompt card with a pictures. If there are more than 3 steps, remove the steps as they are completed and add the next one. I do not like to include more than 3 at a time because this can feel overwhelming. Sometimes having too many supplies out at the same time can be overwhelming in a multi-medium/multi-step activity. Consider having only pencils and markers out to begin with and then handing out the scissors and glue, etc.  
• There are not enough supplies. It can be hard to wait! If you are working with a large group and do not have enough of certain supplies for each child, consider having rotating stations. One area can be designated to gluing, one to cutting, etc. Alternatively you may consider making sure that there are enough glue sticks and scissors for each set of hands. This can go for both open ended process art and directed art activities. 
• There are too many supplies. Whether you are setting up an open-access art area for process art that is child led or instructing a project, there is such a thing as too much. Option overload can cause some children to use materials in excess while others may feel altogether inhibited. Keeping shelves and the table stocked minimally and swapping out materials as needed to make space and opportunity for new ones goes a long way. There are certain things that I always have accessible: paper, scrap paper, scissors, glue... and others that I rotate in and out, like a variety of mediums for coloring, writing, drawing, collage, sculpture, etc. Within that framework, I also provide recycled trays and containers so children can easily contain and carry what they need to their space and not have to take everything with them. This is kind of like art portion control but is also generally more aesthetically pleasing to the young artists as they work.
• Time is of the essence. This is a delicate dance. Too much time, and some artists may grow bored and want to move on. Not enough time, and some artists may feel rushed--reluctant to leave a project and sometimes even reluctant to begin one. Consider how you can allow for artists to have the right amount of time--whether in one session or through the option to leave and return to work at a later point. If a child seems disengaged with an activity, can he or she leave and return to it at another time?
• Proper Prompting: Do you always finish a big project in one sitting? Alternatively, if you were in the middle of a project and someone said "Ok, let's go!" how would you feel? Consider the fact that even retailers give 15 and 5 minute warnings before they close to their adult customers--all people do best with prompts. Prompting children when time is about to be up can be done quietly from table to table or individually as opposed to through a turn-off-all-the-lights-and-listen-to-my-booming-voice way and it can be helpful to offer a verbal option of returning to the work at a later point if it is not done. It is also helpful to inform young artists in advance if their work will need time to dry or be completed before it can be brought home.
• To demonstrate or not to demonstrate? That is the question. When adults provide an adult sample--or even a child's sample, is this helpful or hindering? My answer is YES, to both. For some, it is helpful, for some it is intimidating, for some it is limiting, for some it gives structure. This is an area you will need to assess on an individual and time-by-time basis. I have worked with the gamut of personalities, from those who want an adult to draw for them to those who cringe at an adult writing their name at the bottom corner and everything in between. I try to be sensitive to all of these feelings whether they are all rolled up into one child or across a classroom. In a classroom setting, peer work can also play an influential role, for better or for worse. Using language like "everyone's work will be a little bit different" and "I did it this way, but you might have another idea and that is OK" seems to help. 
• In Praise of [Not] Praising:  How we speak to and about a child's work also contributes to his/her feelings about it. Avoiding comparison remarks and even avoiding quantitative and qualitative remarks in general--whether positive or negative is challenging but also important. This is not to say that we should never praise a child's work and say how beautiful it is. It is simply to say that we should also include statements that notice the work (Oh, I see you chose to use a lot of red in this area, can you tell me more about that?) or praise that reflects the effort and invoke's the child's feelings of accomplishment (You worked for a long time on that with a great deal of focus, I can tell you really feel proud about it!).
• The Good Enough Artist: Perfectionism is a quality that can lead to a masterpiece or stifle creativity altogether. In myself and in my students and in my own children, I have seen it do both. Allowing and encouraging the Good Enough Artist is a unique balancing act. Self confidence can be attained in many ways. While external praise can initially increase confidence, the most sustainable form of cultivating confidence in our children's creative work is through their own feelings of self mastery. Sometimes children will become distressed at wanting to draw or create something they "can't do." I appeal to what they can do. What colors is it? What shapes? What do you feel when you see it? It doesn't have to be a photograph--so much of our art is not! Introduce these young artists to impressionist paintings and abstract art by great artists--there are many right ways to capture the same object or idea.
• Helping and Hindering Environments: Some children work well in a quiet environment, others work best with some music. Some may be distracted by very bright light coming through a window or extraneous noise or even a strong smell (and some art materials do have a strong smell). Some children are averse to certain textures or messy art and having options within this to wipe or wash hands intermittently or perhaps to use a brush to paint or tool in clay rather than bare hands can go a long way in making sensory sensitive children feel invited into the art process. Additionally, the amount we, the adults, are speaking can go a long way in helping or hindering an artist. Too much adult talk can be quite distracting and too much adult presence can feel intimidating. I try to maintain longer pauses between my own talk during art times and to allow artists who do need more space and quiet for focus to have that. In assessing your art environment, I encourage you to sit where and how your young artists will sit, to stand at child level and really try to gain a sense of how they will experience the space. You may notice something that needs tweaking even before the issue arises!

3. Revisit and Revise: This is kind of the troubleshooting phase. This is where you tweak things a bit to meet the current needs of the artists in you room. This will certainly be a very unique to the individual and unique to the circumstance step, but here are a few out-of-the-box ideas that I like to incorporate in general:

• Alternative work space: We generally view art as a seated activity. Perhaps we also envision standing at an easel. The option to work standing at a table, seated with a tabletop easel, outdoors, indoors, laying on the floor, on a vertical surface and even lying on their backs underneath a table with the bottom covered with paper and reaching overhead can all be ways to encourage a reluctant artist or inspire an eager one. 
• The Scribble Sheet: We all know at least one kid who loves to scribble. Whether or not that is developmentally related (and scribbling is where they are at with drawing and writing) or personality related (it feels good to scribble), I provide the option of a Scribble Sheet. Children can get a piece of paper from the scrap paper bin and get all of those scribbles out before beginning to work, during work times and whenever they feel the need and desire. I do not judge scribbles as "less than" a form of art, but rather a part of the process for some children, and they can, in fact, be quite beautiful! A Scribble Sheet also provides an option for young artists who wish to have a space for a rough copy or practicing a technique.
• Size, texture and color matters: When it comes to paper, sometimes introducing paper in a different size makes all the difference! We tend to steer straight for the standard printer size, perhaps the slightly larger construction paper. Consider providing large easel paper or small blank index cards. Or graph paper. Or paper of different colors and textures.What about canvas or fabric or tin foil? A great way to increase your options is to make use of your scraps. Save bits and pieces from projects in a plastic bin or tray for artists to use. Standard white paper is great, but not every artist is drawn to drawing on it.
• And while we're on the topic of drawing on paper... This is not every artist's favorite medium Sculpture, clay and dough work, wire, beading, building, designing, sewing, fiber crafts, collage, and photography are just a few more forms of visual art. The world of computers have also added a whole new world to design and graphic art. Allow for opportunities with a variety of artistic methods and mediums. Everyone has at least one artistic bone in his or her body--you may just have to find it!
• Join 'em! While adult samples and modeling are something I feel we should be mindful of, actually sitting in and joining our little ones in art together can be a great way to bond and inspire each other's creativity. Whether at home or in the classroom, engaging with children during art times, even participating, can be such an asset to all artists (yourself included).
• Expose children to art. And all types! Hang artwork at their visual level--their own and that of "The Greats." Let them touch art, let them see art and let them appreciate art--even if it means slowing down to admire things in nature or in a book... Make time to expose children to art in a variety of forms and locations and let them catch you doing the same!
• Stop, drop and roll with the punches. Sometimes, you really just need to stop and drop an activity. Maybe the timing isn't ideal. Maybe the activity isn't ideal. Maybe you will tweak it and return to it, maybe not. Be OK with abandoning ship when that feels like the best thing to do. Also be OK with letting young artists see you make that choice. "Gosh, I'm just not feeling this right now," or "this really isn't working how I wanted it to and I'm frustrated. I'm going to take a break from it and maybe I'll try again later.
• When is it done? Who decides when a piece of art is finished? This is a particularly sensitive area for the young minimalists in your life. When a child does leave a great deal of "white space" on a project, perhaps only adding one or two colors or lines and walking away, do you push him to "add more" or allow for the white space? Here are a few things to consider: Was the work, however minimal, intentional? S will quite often leave a good portion of a paper blank. He is, however, very intentional in how, where and why he places his work. If, on the other hand, you sense a child rushed through an activity and is leaving the project for another reason, perhaps inquire about why that is. Boredom, avoidance, distraction, frustration and so many other factors can play a role. This is where I often encourage offering a smaller sized paper. Blank canvas can be intimidating and standard sized paper is bigger than the little hands that work with it. Try offering a 4x6 blank index card and observe what happens. On the other end of the spectrum are the page fillers. Paint is piling high and deep. Glue is leaving you in a sticky situation and glitter might be everywhere. Again, I encourage you to assess the situation before saying "it looks like you're all done." I would inform about the likelihood for paper to rip when it is too wet with paint or to work on techniques to control the amount of glue or glitter that leave the bottle and jar in order eliminate unnecessary waste. But I also hesitate to tell an artist that her work is finished if she is genuinely still working. There is art in and of itself to be discovered through thickly layered paint and a whole world of beauty and bliss in the textures of glittery glue. An artist with a very wet painting can be offered a second sheet of paper to make a print and now he has two paintings! In either scenario, asking "does it feel done?" or "what's next?" can go a long way in encouraging young artists at work.

4. Observe and Evaluate: This is a unique step, because although I list observe and evaluate together, I want you to separate them. Take the time to observe and ONLY observe. A child using a material in a way that is not how you intended is not necessarily wrong--give it the time and space it deserves (unless, of course, it is a dangerous situation, and then intervene!) and see where it goes. Evaluate after the fact. What worked? What didn't? What would you do next time? What could encourage this particular child and what inhibits him? What was your role in the experience? What would you like your role to be? Are you too involved? Not involved enough? 

I think, perhaps, the most important factor to consider is what the child's experience was. Children are not as driven by product as we are. In fact, they are hugely process oriented. Whether the art experience was child led or adult-directed, did the child seem engaged? Content? Frustrated? Encouraged? Rushed? Hesitant? Thoughtful? Distracted? And ask about their experience! How was it for you to make this___? Was it hard? Was it fun? Was it frustrating? Exciting? These are all great clues into what gets a child's creative gears spinning and how you can get your own working in conjunction to create an incredible opportunity in art for ALL!

I hope this post was helpful in getting your own thoughts going about engaging in art with young children. It certainly is not a post with as many answers as questions--but those questions are so vital in our experience as adults working with young children (the real experts). I would love to hear some of your own thoughts on the subject and tools of the trade! I'd also love to hear your ideas for future troubleshooting posts and would be happy to dive into any concerns or topics of interest. Feel free to respond in the Comments section or contact me personally. 

Happy Playing!