But before I begin, I want to unpack this term "play." What is play? I like the work of Dr. Peter Gray when it comes to defining and exploring the concept of play both for children and adults. Here is a brief synopsis of 5 points he uses to define play and you can read more on that here:
- Play is self-chosen and self-directed.
- Play is activity in which means are more valued than ends.
- Play has structure, or rules, which are not dictated by physical necessity but emanate from the minds of the players.
- Play is imaginative, non-literal, mentally removed in some way from “real” or “serious” life.
- Play involves an active, alert, but non-stressed frame of mind.
So when I get that nagging feeling in my gut that my kids or my students are not playing--I begin with that first point and this first step:
Finish the sentence. "The kids are not playing____" and? When I challenge myself to finish the sentence, it helps me to direct my attention toward a solution (if needed) or toward a better understanding of what is really going on. In particular, sometimes I have found that my perception of the children not playing is tainted by my perception of what their playing should look like.
More and more, our early childhood venues are recognizing and reclaiming the importance of play in childhood. However, driven both by the external pressures of the "schoolification" of early childhood and the self-imposed pressures of Pinterest perfect play scenes, we sometimes miss the mark when it comes to truly nurturing and fostering an environment for play.
If play is "self-chosen" and "self-directed," we need to recognize that even "playful activities" inspired for learning through play are still adult-directed. We also need to recognize that in our daycare and classroom settings--and even in our homes--parameters around play such as time limits, space limits, occupancy limits, limits on how materials are used, where they are used, when they are used, etc., are all externally chosen and directed. That said, this is not necessarily a bad thing! There are reasons those limits are set in some instances--safety, necessity of schedule, environmental factors and so on. And other times, perhaps we could increase our own flexibility.
"Wait!" you are saying... "but I do have a classroom/home that is full of play opportunities! Even my learning centers are play based!" So, yes, we do have a lot of play based activities in our homes and classrooms. However, once we begin to filter these experiences by where they should happen (dramatic play area, block area, library, art center, sensory table) or how long children may or must remain at an activity (sometimes even with timers!) and when they must be done or finished ("hey, it's time to go outside now" or even, "you're not done yet, you haven't filled the page!")...yeah, we kind of lost the child-chosen and child-directed aspect of play.
"Wait!" you are saying... "but I do have a classroom/home that is full of play opportunities! Even my learning centers are play based!" So, yes, we do have a lot of play based activities in our homes and classrooms. However, once we begin to filter these experiences by where they should happen (dramatic play area, block area, library, art center, sensory table) or how long children may or must remain at an activity (sometimes even with timers!) and when they must be done or finished ("hey, it's time to go outside now" or even, "you're not done yet, you haven't filled the page!")...yeah, we kind of lost the child-chosen and child-directed aspect of play.
In finishing that sentence, "the kids are not playing____," here are some of the most frequent versions I or others have experienced:
"The kids are not playing the way I expected them to." I set up a dramatic play scene for a vet shop, but the kids want to give me a check up. I put out paint and brushes, but the children are using their fingers. I envisioned they would use these loose parts to design a tree but they are building a house. The baby dolls are for the home living area but the children are bringing them to the block area. In these instances, it is usually easy for me to recognize in finishing that sentence that I, the adult, had expectations that were different from the children in my care. And then comes the part about choice. If choice is an inherent factor in true play, can I find a way to allow for choice? And the choice is also yours. Remember that it is not the end of the world if you have to set limits and parameters at times either out of necessity or even comfort. I do challenge us all to safely and securely expand our comfort zones, however that does not mean ignoring our own needs in favor of meeting everyone else's.
"The kids are not playing, they are....[being destructive, being loud, being silly, throwing things, being disrespectful to the materials...]" This one is so challenging to me. Whether I've intentionally set up an activity, set out a material or it's just their own toys at home, to see children using things in ways that I perceive as destructive strikes a nerve with me every time. And then I break that sentence down to focus on that last part. What they are doing. I challenge myself to see the action without the judgment of it--so perhaps to see the throwing without the qualifying characteristic of that being destructive or disrespectful. Many times it is helpful to look at the intention behind the action. A child who is not displaying signs of strong emotions in the moment of throwing a toy may not be throwing a toy to be angry, hurtful or destructive. Even if big feelings are a motivator, they may not have the recognition developmentally of that being "disrespectful." The intent is huge here. No, we cannot let children use things in a way that is destructive and harmful to the materials, to themselves, to others or to their space. But can we meet the need in another way? Deconstruction is a common childhood play schema--the interest in and urge to take things apart and discover how they work. So is trajectory (throwing things) and seeing how they move within our space. When we familiarize ourselves with common childhood play schemas it can help filter our perceptions of what is typical, what we can do to meet our children's play needs and to let go of some of that frustration and pressure we impose on ourselves. You can read some more about common play schemas here.
"The kids are not playing long enough." We've all seen it. Kids darting from one activity to another before you can blink an eye. Or kids visiting a new activity for the first time only to flee after a few minutes and move on to something old and familiar. Consider a few things that may be happening here. On the one hand, if you wait and watch, you might notice a child return to an activity for a longer period of time. Sometimes it is not that they didn't spend long enough, it's that we didn't. It takes a decent chunk of time for most children to deeply engage in play. And within this period of time, you will notice shifts in energy, focus and attention, pace and flow. It is similar to how we function in a work task; play truly is the work of our children. And engagement with an activity or experience can look different between an adult and a child and between one child and another. And even with the same child from one time to another. Alternatively, perhaps your expectations of how much time a child should spend on an activity were unrealistic. Again here, the intent plays a role. If a child has met their play intention with something and chooses to move on out of feelings of completion, that is "long enough."
And the tendency for some children to frequently return to familiar play things or scenarios is not necessarily a bad thing either. The children who opt out of a new or exciting activity that is offered in favor of building a tower for Elsa out of Magnetiles for the 973rd time is still needing to build that tower. Perhaps they are working out the engineering and mechanical end of it, navigating structural challenges and magnetism. Perhaps they are working through the story line end of it as they build on the theme both literally and figuratively. But this doesn't mean you need to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Leave the novel activity out, let them return later if they choose and if not, feel free to reintroduce it again at another date. We tend to feel so much pressure as parents and educators to reinvent the wheel every day. To offer something new and different from the day before. And we need to remember for ourselves and for our children--repetition is the essence of learning and development at this point.
"The kids are not playing with _____." I hear this one a LOT. Whether it's related to a specific area, toy/material, or even all encompassing--as in the children are not playing with most or any of the toys offered in a space. Especially when I hear (or say) "the kids are not playing with anything and they have so many toys," I usually find my answer right in the statement itself. Too much of a good thing is possible here. Sometimes having too many things out and available feels like option overload to our little players. Sometimes taking a portion of that away opens up space both physically and mentally to engage more deeply with what is available. Many people worry that "taking things away" will be hard for the children and it doesn't necessarily have to be. If a child (including my own) asks "where is ___" or "why is ____ not out anymore?" I simply explain I put it away for now and will bring it back another time. Sometimes kids won't even say anything at all about such a change and will rather just begin to engage in play with what is out and available. And while many say it's easier to add than take away and to keep things minimal, especially at first, I don't think it is an all or nothing scenario. It's OK to start off with a minimal approach like this; it's also OK if you didn't and need to backtrack a bit.
"The kids aren't playing all of a sudden and they were just playing so nicely!" OK, how do I say this in a nice way? Um, they stopped playing because I came over. I've done this so many times in my classrooms or my home. The kids are playing, everyone's happy, not a worry in the world. So I waltz on in with my adult two cents. Maybe I decide to suggest we count the blocks in that Duplo tower. Or maybe I comment about what they're drawing. Or maybe I ask which superheroes they're pretending to be. Either way, I was not invited. And does someone always need an invitation to join in? No, but if you are the adult in the room, an unannounced and unplanned "visit" may not feel so welcome to the young players. In fact, it can feel like an interruption or intrusion. Have you ever watched a child approach a group of kids already engaged in play? This is where I take my cues. Some children will just watch for a bit and feel their way into joining the game. Many will say, "can I play?" I learn from their approach that there is great value in watching without labeling or hijacking and asking for an invitation is a beautiful skill! And if, as the adult in the room, your kids or students are playing nicely and all is well, you're not being lazy or unproductive by not saying and doing anything at all. You're not missing an opportunity to teach math if you don't count the Duplos. They already have the idea of one-to-one correspondence when they match one bump to one hole. Not to mention geometry, spacial awareness, "some," "a lot," "more," and so on...
There is a big push today to include open ended materials and loose parts play opportunities in homes and classrooms. Sometimes this push is a wee bit militant. I love loose parts play and open ended materials. I also think "traditional" toys have their place and "single function" playthings are still fun for kids and meaningful in play. In fact, when it comes to what children play with, I don't care as much about that as I do with how they play. Anything can be an "open ended loose part" if a child chooses to use it in such a way. However, in terms of including loose parts play opportunities, I do have a few suggestions here as well.
Many teachers or parents who take the loose parts plunge will note that they put out a whole bunch of stuff but the children don't really play with it. Again, sometimes I revisit those statements to decipher whether they are indeed not playing or if perhaps their play looks differently than I anticipated. Many times, this type of playing is new to children who may be used to playing with more traditional toys. If it is a novel way to play for you as well, they may pick up on some of your energy around it.. We often want to provide a lot of options of materials to use all at once, and many times it can be more effective to offer a large quantity of fewer materials at a time so the children can really explore them more deeply.
So many times I will be asked when I'm setting out a particular collection of objects, "what are you going to do with that?" and my response will be, "put it here and watch." But sometimes I also forget that I said that and then I might suggest things the children could do or demonstrate things they could create and all of a sudden, I have totally hijacked their play experience. Especially in cases where a child might feel particularly sensitive to not being able to replicate an adult design or idea, this can be hindering. I am definitely not saying to never set out a provocation or invitation to play, to never partake in a project based art activity or to never leave a little love note of play by setting up a small world scene or setting out a dramatic play environment. Everything can have its place and merit in a playroom.
It can also be a very enlightening experience to fully step out and back and to watch what the children do given the opportunity of adequate time and space. I often refer to time as my favorite loose part! We tend to want to jump in, to rescue our children from moments of idleness or silence, to protect them against boredom or redundancy. To match the play experience to the Instagram picture that inspired us to provide it. I have talked in the past about seeing a rising theme in my classrooms of children who "don't know how to play," and when I delve a bit deeper into that concept, I feel it needs to be reworded. It is not that children today do not know how to play, it is that many of them have not had many opportunities to engage in deep, self-directed. Play that is completely of their own choosing and not at all adult directed or inspired.
So what is our role as parents, caregivers and educators? I think we also need to look at our own play deficits. How often do we engage in deep, self-directed "play?" Can you think of the last time you played? What did that look like? Certainly our adult expressions of play are different from those of a child, but the need is the same. The need for a space that is entirely of our own creation. A pace that is entirely of our direction. And a purpose that is of our choosing. And when it comes to our children?There is no perfect pedagogy, no perfect toy, no perfect design of a space to play in or perfect agenda with regard to what you do in that space. There are a lot of right ways to play! There are a lot of right ways to facilitate play. There are a lot of right ways to honor, respect and nurture play. And there are a lot of ways that play can manifest. Allow yourself to consider the full sentence the next time you find yourself in that tailspin of worry and until then...
"The kids are not playing long enough." We've all seen it. Kids darting from one activity to another before you can blink an eye. Or kids visiting a new activity for the first time only to flee after a few minutes and move on to something old and familiar. Consider a few things that may be happening here. On the one hand, if you wait and watch, you might notice a child return to an activity for a longer period of time. Sometimes it is not that they didn't spend long enough, it's that we didn't. It takes a decent chunk of time for most children to deeply engage in play. And within this period of time, you will notice shifts in energy, focus and attention, pace and flow. It is similar to how we function in a work task; play truly is the work of our children. And engagement with an activity or experience can look different between an adult and a child and between one child and another. And even with the same child from one time to another. Alternatively, perhaps your expectations of how much time a child should spend on an activity were unrealistic. Again here, the intent plays a role. If a child has met their play intention with something and chooses to move on out of feelings of completion, that is "long enough."
And the tendency for some children to frequently return to familiar play things or scenarios is not necessarily a bad thing either. The children who opt out of a new or exciting activity that is offered in favor of building a tower for Elsa out of Magnetiles for the 973rd time is still needing to build that tower. Perhaps they are working out the engineering and mechanical end of it, navigating structural challenges and magnetism. Perhaps they are working through the story line end of it as they build on the theme both literally and figuratively. But this doesn't mean you need to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Leave the novel activity out, let them return later if they choose and if not, feel free to reintroduce it again at another date. We tend to feel so much pressure as parents and educators to reinvent the wheel every day. To offer something new and different from the day before. And we need to remember for ourselves and for our children--repetition is the essence of learning and development at this point.
"The kids are not playing with _____." I hear this one a LOT. Whether it's related to a specific area, toy/material, or even all encompassing--as in the children are not playing with most or any of the toys offered in a space. Especially when I hear (or say) "the kids are not playing with anything and they have so many toys," I usually find my answer right in the statement itself. Too much of a good thing is possible here. Sometimes having too many things out and available feels like option overload to our little players. Sometimes taking a portion of that away opens up space both physically and mentally to engage more deeply with what is available. Many people worry that "taking things away" will be hard for the children and it doesn't necessarily have to be. If a child (including my own) asks "where is ___" or "why is ____ not out anymore?" I simply explain I put it away for now and will bring it back another time. Sometimes kids won't even say anything at all about such a change and will rather just begin to engage in play with what is out and available. And while many say it's easier to add than take away and to keep things minimal, especially at first, I don't think it is an all or nothing scenario. It's OK to start off with a minimal approach like this; it's also OK if you didn't and need to backtrack a bit.
"The kids aren't playing all of a sudden and they were just playing so nicely!" OK, how do I say this in a nice way? Um, they stopped playing because I came over. I've done this so many times in my classrooms or my home. The kids are playing, everyone's happy, not a worry in the world. So I waltz on in with my adult two cents. Maybe I decide to suggest we count the blocks in that Duplo tower. Or maybe I comment about what they're drawing. Or maybe I ask which superheroes they're pretending to be. Either way, I was not invited. And does someone always need an invitation to join in? No, but if you are the adult in the room, an unannounced and unplanned "visit" may not feel so welcome to the young players. In fact, it can feel like an interruption or intrusion. Have you ever watched a child approach a group of kids already engaged in play? This is where I take my cues. Some children will just watch for a bit and feel their way into joining the game. Many will say, "can I play?" I learn from their approach that there is great value in watching without labeling or hijacking and asking for an invitation is a beautiful skill! And if, as the adult in the room, your kids or students are playing nicely and all is well, you're not being lazy or unproductive by not saying and doing anything at all. You're not missing an opportunity to teach math if you don't count the Duplos. They already have the idea of one-to-one correspondence when they match one bump to one hole. Not to mention geometry, spacial awareness, "some," "a lot," "more," and so on...
There is a big push today to include open ended materials and loose parts play opportunities in homes and classrooms. Sometimes this push is a wee bit militant. I love loose parts play and open ended materials. I also think "traditional" toys have their place and "single function" playthings are still fun for kids and meaningful in play. In fact, when it comes to what children play with, I don't care as much about that as I do with how they play. Anything can be an "open ended loose part" if a child chooses to use it in such a way. However, in terms of including loose parts play opportunities, I do have a few suggestions here as well.
Many teachers or parents who take the loose parts plunge will note that they put out a whole bunch of stuff but the children don't really play with it. Again, sometimes I revisit those statements to decipher whether they are indeed not playing or if perhaps their play looks differently than I anticipated. Many times, this type of playing is new to children who may be used to playing with more traditional toys. If it is a novel way to play for you as well, they may pick up on some of your energy around it.. We often want to provide a lot of options of materials to use all at once, and many times it can be more effective to offer a large quantity of fewer materials at a time so the children can really explore them more deeply.
So many times I will be asked when I'm setting out a particular collection of objects, "what are you going to do with that?" and my response will be, "put it here and watch." But sometimes I also forget that I said that and then I might suggest things the children could do or demonstrate things they could create and all of a sudden, I have totally hijacked their play experience. Especially in cases where a child might feel particularly sensitive to not being able to replicate an adult design or idea, this can be hindering. I am definitely not saying to never set out a provocation or invitation to play, to never partake in a project based art activity or to never leave a little love note of play by setting up a small world scene or setting out a dramatic play environment. Everything can have its place and merit in a playroom.
It can also be a very enlightening experience to fully step out and back and to watch what the children do given the opportunity of adequate time and space. I often refer to time as my favorite loose part! We tend to want to jump in, to rescue our children from moments of idleness or silence, to protect them against boredom or redundancy. To match the play experience to the Instagram picture that inspired us to provide it. I have talked in the past about seeing a rising theme in my classrooms of children who "don't know how to play," and when I delve a bit deeper into that concept, I feel it needs to be reworded. It is not that children today do not know how to play, it is that many of them have not had many opportunities to engage in deep, self-directed. Play that is completely of their own choosing and not at all adult directed or inspired.
So what is our role as parents, caregivers and educators? I think we also need to look at our own play deficits. How often do we engage in deep, self-directed "play?" Can you think of the last time you played? What did that look like? Certainly our adult expressions of play are different from those of a child, but the need is the same. The need for a space that is entirely of our own creation. A pace that is entirely of our direction. And a purpose that is of our choosing. And when it comes to our children?There is no perfect pedagogy, no perfect toy, no perfect design of a space to play in or perfect agenda with regard to what you do in that space. There are a lot of right ways to play! There are a lot of right ways to facilitate play. There are a lot of right ways to honor, respect and nurture play. And there are a lot of ways that play can manifest. Allow yourself to consider the full sentence the next time you find yourself in that tailspin of worry and until then...
Happy Playing!
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