Little Hands & Fragile Things

Long before they learn the word "fragile," most children are repeatedly exposed to the phrase "don't touch." Indeed, we set up our homes and classrooms to protect little hands from being able to reach things that are potentially breakable. Instead, we fill their spaces with toys--some made to resemble the items that we safeguard upon a higher shelf, many made of durable materials like plastic, metal and wood. A couple of winters ago, I took an online conference in early childhood and one of the presenters showed the use of real artifacts--fragile ones, even--right in her classroom dramatic play center. I was rather surprised and quite intrigued. And yet, I was still hesitant. Inspired, I headed out one Friday afternoon to a local thrift shop and found a charming tiny china tea set. I brought it home for a few dollars and that Shabbos, S (then 3) and I had a pretend tea party at our dining room table. We used real water and he practiced pouring and transferring and overall handling these tiny and fragile little treasures. He had such a feeling of reverence for these tiny dishes and such a feeling of pride in being allowed, in fact, encouraged to touch them. So many of his own meals were served on plastic plates and bowls with matching plastic utensils and even plastic cutlery. But I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat each and every time he picked up the tea pot and proceeded to pour, clumsily trying to coordinate his tiny hands to hold the tiny lid in place while pouring tiny amounts of water into (and over the top of) a tiny tea cup. And I stored our tiny tea set in a lovely wooden box, out of sight, out of mind...

...until yesterday! I love weekends here, and particularly Shabbos, as an opportunity to slow down and introduce new (or more accurately, returning) toys and materials to our playroom rotation. It gives us the time to play together and explore without being rushed. And after one cool day here, I was feeling rather Fall-ish, so I decided to revamp our nature table for the season up ahead. And in preparation for the International Fairy Tea Party, a worldwide event celebrating child's play and wonder coming up next Thursday through the weekend, I decided to incorporate our tea set into the display. Our nature shelf is a space that captures the beauty and magic of each season. It shifts as items are found, collected, displayed, played with and moved around. It is a hands-on space with objects both nature and man-made. Some of these items are big. Some are small. Some are living, others are not. Some are delicate and others quite sturdy. While it is a space that initially I set up, it is encouraged that S and Y (and someday, C) play in the space. In fact, I love when I walk into the room and notice a little change to our setup--it feels like passing love notes to one another. They can take things off the shelf, they can add things to it. In a sense, they've had the experience of touching fragile materials on the shelf before, so the addition of porcelain dishes really wasn't so novel.

Tea parties are served on "real" dishes and the boys decorate
cookies with icing in "real" glasses...

Fast forward to when the boys came downstairs from their afternoon rest, they were enthralled! I do confess that my heart still skipped a beat when each one picked up the tea pot or creamer for the first time. But I consciously made myself take a breath, and a step back. I slowed my thoughts down and slowed my words. I took each of the boys through the process of handling the little dishes with two hands and making sure they were far from the edge and level on a flat surface. Is it possible that they will break? Yes, and some might even say likely. Is it a huge deal if they do? No. It will be one in many of life's lessons to come (and behind us) of fragile things being...fragile.

I believe there is great value in exposing children to real and fragile materials. My disclaimer in promoting this is that I first and foremost value children's safety. When objects in a child's reach can be in any way dangerous, it is vital that safety come first. Whether it's tiny marbles that could potentially be a choking hazard or plants that are not edible or objects that can shatter and be sharp, if an adult cannot be present to support or if you know the children in your space are prone to mouthing objects or are not yet ready for independently handling fragile materials, I would encourage leaving them only in an adult's reach and bringing them out when they can be used together, with support.

These seed pods are very brittle. There are many
skills involved in putting
the marbles into the holes (an activity
invented by Y) and overall handling the
seed pod without it crushing it.

The benefits I do see in children having opportunities to get hands on with real objects and materials are manifold. It honors their ability to be gentle and caring toward these meaningful things. It welcomes them into our "adult" world--a place they long for but often feel separate from. It teaches a sense of reverence for things that are special and important to us and in that sense, they learn to handle things that are special and important to them in just the same way. I will likely never have a play or learning space that is void of any plastic or pretend toys. I know these objects are also important and integral to my children's play. I also know that children who are only exposed to these materials are perhaps given a false sense of security. Both have a place, both have a value.

If you're feeling ready to take on the challenge of incorporating little hands and fragile things in your own home or classroom, here are a few ideas to consider:

• Two Finger Touch: This is a great one for those who may not be ready or equipped to have fragile objects left at child's reach. During a time when you can be present, bring out a special object to show your child(ren). Demonstrate the care you take when handling it, talk about it slowly and quietly. Give over the idea of how very special it is and use real language like "fragile" or "delicate." And then, one at a time, invite each child to come and touch the object using their pointer and middle finger together. As you feel more secure in this skill, you may offer an opportunity to hold it or perhaps use it functionally (if it is an instrument, for example, the children may have a turn at playing it). In this sense, you can teach the skills of handling fragile objects in increments: how to touch, how to hold, how to carry/transfer and how to return these objects.
• Use real dishes at the dinner table: I don't always do this, but many times when we are all sitting together for family dinner or on Shabbos or at our weekly tea parties, I do give the boys real dishes and cutlery. It is a skill to learn to keep your glass away from the edge of the table and a skill to pour tea or lemonade from a porcelain tea pot while simultaneously holding down the lid. Again, if you have a plate tosser in your home, I don't recommend teaching this skill from afar, but rather bringing out the real stuff only when you can also be at the table to give gentle reminders.

  

  Bird's nest Museum Box

• Hands-on Museums: I frequently come to my nature based playgroup meet-ups with a bin or two of my Traveling Hands-on Museum. These are shallow plastic bins that I stock with items found and collected from nature. Many are quite delicate, like this abandoned bird's nest. I love offering opportunities for children to touch things that are often kept out of their reach. It gives them such a sense of pride and wonder. And when I cannot be there to support and supervise, the lid can be replaced and the box put aside.
• Skill Building: Along with and sometimes even before opportunities to touch fragile objects, building the skills necessary to do so is important. Giving children plenty of opportunities to practice fine motor strength, balance, hand-eye coordination and executive functioning skills like organization, navigating their body in their environment, etc., are all integral to being able to have a tea party with real dishes. Even being able to carry a plate full of food or a cup filled with water from the kitchen to the table is a skill that must be learned. Know that through their daily opportunities for indoor and outdoor play and learning, these skills are being developed and as they get stronger, children will be more successful in being able to manage delicate objects.

  

  S is particularly cautious and curious as he
  explores some materials in our Traveling Hands-on Nature Museum.
  (Objects pictured below)

  
  
  
• When the inevitable occurs: Let's be realistic. Stuff is going to break. Whether it's a dinner glass or a toy or a picture frame or even something very special and irreplaceable, we all have experienced it. Particularly if something is quite special and irreplaceable, having it break can be upsetting. I do think it's important to keep emotions in check, but I also think it's OK for children to see that we are sad when something is broken (whether they had a part in it or not). On the other end of that spectrum is our tendency to jump in and say "it's OK!" or "we can get a new one!" I still remember many moons ago when S was a baby and he and a friend were outside their babysitter's home playing drums with some plastic spoons and overturned metal bowls. Another boy in our neighborhood who was a bit older came over and played along. He, however, had a bit more strength than his fellow musicians. My neighbor encouraged more gentle play but before long one of the spoons broke. "It's OK," he said to the owner of the drum set immediately, "You can buy a new one." It's a phrase I'd heard his parents use repeatedly when things got broken in his house and once, even when he broke something in mine. And yes, it is essentially OK. Things do get broken and most things can be replaced. Nonetheless, I greatly admired my neighbor's response: "It can be replaced, but actually, I don't feel OK about it yet. I need you to be more gentle with my things in the future." The boy seemed quite surprised, cocked his head to one side, and said "I'm sorry." It was as though he'd never been aware of the fact that even though things break and it's OK and they can be replaced, it can also be sad and disappointing. 
• And the Aftermath... If and when something is broken by a child, I do encourage you to include him or her in the clean up. If it is something that belonged to someone else, it can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable for both parties. I think it is important to find out a way to make things right, whether it is through replacing the object and/or an apology. If a child feels too embarrassed to do this, you can model it for him/her. If it is the child's own toy or object, I also encourage balancing when you rush to replace something versus opportunities to earn its replacement or wait for a special occasion. Children do not arrive into this world inherently knowing that things cost money and money takes time and work to earn. S will frequently have wishes for particular toys now or ask to replace something that gets broken right away. He's not intentionally being greedy, but he does not yet understand capitalism! We now have incorporated family jobs and earning allowance for both of the boys.
• Treasure hunting in thrift stores is a great way to build a small and cost effective collection of objects to use for teaching care with fragile materials. For even less money, as in no money at all, you can collect items from nature that are particularly delicate, like fallen leaves, seed pods, flowers, etc.  When children are invited to participate in this, whether it's finding and collecting a bouquet of wildflowers or getting to pick out a beautiful tea cup at a garage sale, they will have a sense of ownership to these objects and handle them with greater care.

I'm not so sure how long our tea set will last out on the Nature Shelf, but so far, so good. And perhaps I will take a bit of my own advice and offer more opportunities for working on handling delicate things. We'll be back soon and until then...

Happy Playing!