The Montessori Inspired Home: The Bedroom

If you know me at all, you know that I believe sleep is sacred. I know (from experience) just how many years you can go without quality sleep before you're really in trouble... That said, when it comes to setting up sleep routines and bedroom structures I am a firm advocate for only one method: do what works for you and your family so that everyone gets the best quality rest. I definitely advocate for sleep safety and good sleep hygiene. Having a predictable bedtime routine is a good idea, whatever that means for you and your family. Starting that "unwinding" process earlier rather than later can be a good idea. It can be helpful to avoid screens like computers, phones, TVs and tablets for a couple of hours prior to sleeping and many doctors also recommend to avoid eating and exercising close to bedtime as well. That said, some children (and adults) sleep best with a bowl of cereal or a banana before bedtime. I never would have thought roughhousing playfully before bed was a good idea, but I have a toddler who really does well to release the energy of the day in that way and sleeps like a charm afterward. S began his sleep journey in a bassinet in our room. Two months into it, he transitioned out of the room. Three months later he transitioned into my bed! At about 15 months he transitioned into his own bed and he's been there, through the night, ever since. With him, we never did any type of sleep training; he really transitioned independently and we did what worked best for everyone at the time, making sure to revisit and reassess if and when that changed. Y began sleeping with me but sleeps best in a bassinet and not sharing a bed. Go figure!
When it comes to the bedroom itself, again, I believe families should do what works best at the time. Some children do fine with toys and books being in their rooms. Some children need to have only the bare essentials in their rooms in order to be able to focus on sleep and not get distracted by playing. I am a firm believer in not using screens in bed/bedrooms because that works for me, but if you feel differently, do what works for you! Bedtimes and nap times are a time of separation for our children and as a result, many children have anxiety around sleep and around that separation. Some children may struggle with nightmares or night terrors. Some children may have behavioral challenges around the transition to nap and bed as well. Some of this is certainly related to their (and our) energy levels at that point and some is certainly related to separation anxiety and/or fear of missing out. We try our hardest to make rest and bedtime transitions soothing, calm and predictable. For better or for worse, this never happens 100% of the time. One thing to consider is making sure that you are aware of your child's internal sleep clock and sleep needs so that you are not crossing past the point of being tired to the point of being overtired. In children, over-fatigue can look like a burst of energy or hyperactivity. On the one hand, it looks as though they are not tired at all when in reality, this energy is really a release of cortisol and they are exhausted!
We try to work within that window to ensure that 10 and 5 and 2 minute prompts are given before the transition will occur. It's also probably not a good idea to make "cleaning up all the toys" your final activity. Sometimes when we've forgotten this, S will clean up all of his toys quite nicely--no kid cleans up the play area like a kid who doesn't want to go to bed! And other times, he utterly melts down, throws his toys and has to be carried like a football up the stairs to his bedroom, kicking and screaming in protest. If we can, we try to have most things already picked up a bit in advance with a special "last activity" as an incentive for getting this done. Again, no plan is fool (or toddler) proof.
Sleep for children is sacred and so, too, is sleep for the adults in the home. Making some simple adjustments to your children's bedrooms can help it be a space they can independently navigate so that you do not need to be awoken to tend to needs like a tissue to wipe a running nose or a glass of water in the middle of the night. With regard to early risers, you may wish to have activities/toys in the room available for quiet play. Some families feel comfortable to have a basket of books or quiet activities in the parents' bedroom so that children can be close by while you squeeze in a few more z's. S happens to be fine to play quietly with toys in his room. He does not do as well right now to be unattended with books so we bring a few in at shared reading times and then return those to the family shelf for safekeeping.
S's bed is a twin mattress on the floor. He transitioned directly from my bed into this one when he was about 15 months old and not yet walking. Eventually, he could independently get in and out of it, which for us was a plus. He needed some reminders as he got more confident in walking that rest and bedtimes are times when he must stay in his bed. I knew we needed to make the transition to sleeping independently at that point because I had bronchitis and neither of us could sleep! I think he was more ready for it than I was, and he smoothly transitioned to sleeping through the night, without waking for night-feedings anymore. I wondered at that point if we should buy a crib, but felt it would be a tough transition from bed-sharing since he'd never been in a crib before and was already a young toddler. A friend suggested the mattress idea and for S it has worked like a charm! Additionally, a low-sitting mattress or bed-frame can easily be made by a toddler--a skill we are working on with S right now. He even helped to change the sheets on his bed and on the other family beds before last Shabbos!

A few weeks ago, S began crying during nap time, something he almost never does. I rushed upstairs in a bit of a panic as this behavior is atypical for S and found out he was crying because he really needed to wipe his nose! A box of tissues and wipes kept at child level allows S to tend to personal care needs like wiping his nose when he needs to without having to rely on an adult to get him a tissue in the middle of a nap or night.

We love having artwork by and for the whole family in every room. That said, in the children's room, we especially like to make a point to display their artwork and decorations that are meaningful to them. S is the only kid in the room right now, so the walls really speak to him. If and when Y will join him, he will also be represented in the artwork that is displayed. We keep some artwork at child level and some up higher. We also use the bedroom to display mitzvah notes that we've written about S and other positive reinforcement visuals, like the sticker chart S completed when giving up his pacifier.

 We keep a neggel vasser next to his bed for ritual handwashing each morning. The cup and basin are both smaller in size to fit smaller hands. A towel hangs just above it (on the base of a desk chair) for drying hands (and spills). S can independently carry the cup and basin to the bathroom afterward to empty it in the tub. We also now use an open hamper for his dirty laundry so he can easily toss in the clothes he takes off at the end of the day. Please note that the only reason it's empty right now is that I'm actually catching up on laundry--usually it looks like everyone else's and is overflowing! Oh, and looks like I missed a sock! We just introduced this as S has become more interested in dressing and undressing himself. We had a somewhat broken hamper that he could reach but I was worried he might get his fingers caught in the lid or end up with a splinter as it was falling apart. He was very excited about the new hamper. He needed a reminder that the only thing he should toss in there is his dirty clothing since at first it was really fun to toss a lot of different things in there!

We also transitioned to having the clothes that he most needs to access in the lowest drawers of the dresser in the room. Ideally, having a dresser that is easy for children to reach and utilize is best for fostering independence. Stiff drawers or clothing that is stored too high can inhibit this process. If you cannot accommodate this setup easily, you might consider including your toddler in the process of choosing the clothing and pajamas he or she will need for the day and leaving them accessible in a basket.

We keep a basket for tzitzis and yarmulkes as well as a space for shoes all on the lowest shelf of a bookcase for easy access and storage of those items as well. These small adjustments help to maintain order in a space that is easy for S to access independently or with minimal adult support. We have noticed in just the short time of introducing some of these changes that S has felt empowered to do more and more things by himself. The first night after I made some of the initial changes, I heard him shout down with glee repeatedly at bedtime, "Mommy, I did it!" as he undressed himself, put his own clothes in his own hamper, put away his shoes for the night, picked out his tzitzis, pajamas and yarmulke for bedtime and then, decided on his own that he wanted to also try sitting on the potty without a diaper. Potty training is definitely on the horizon and will be its own process and struggle. Success yields success. When it comes to fostering feelings of competence and confidence in our children, providing ample opportunities throughout the space of a day for experiences of even "little" successes can yield more and more of the same.

Wishing you all a good night's rest and until then, happy playing!