I Ain't Gonna Paint No More...and Some of the Less Pinterest-Worthy Aspects of the Home Atelier

One of my favorite art themed children's books of all time is Karen Beaumont's I Ain't Gonna Paint No More! It rhythmically and humorously captures the story of a creative budding artist whose canvas happens to be his entire body (literally draining his entire paint supply). It also sparks a great question for aspiring artists: what is your canvas? For many children, it's usually a blank sheet of paper placed horizontally on a tabletop. What if it were vertical instead, on an easel or a wall? What if it were spread on the floor? What if it were hung outside? Or what if it was actual canvas? Or vellum? Or tracing paper? Or card stock? What if it were a different shape? What if it weren't paper at all, but a tray or the floor or the bathtub walls or--gasp--your entire body? Well, I'm not diving into body painting today (although hands and fingers are a frequently used material here), but I am going to delve into some of the messier parts of introducing and having an atelier in your home or classroom space...

My photos here and my account of setting up a home atelier are somewhat Pinterest-worthy, but let me take you on a tour of lessons learned the hard way that might not look as pretty in a photograph...

I spent the better part of a Sunday setting up shop. We happened to be starting dinner (and did I mention I hadn't eaten anything in 6 hours and was starving?) when the boys first came in to see it. They were, of course, immediately interested in diving in. I, however, was half focused on that and half focused on my bowl of stir fry. Not ideal at all. Ideally, I would have devoted my full attention to introducing this space and what we might do with it. I would have moved at a slow and intentional pace and really given this occasion the sense of honor and respect that I wanted to see mirrored in how the boys would interact with it. Instead, I kind of forgot that they couldn't possibly already know that I didn't set out squeeze bottles of paint purely for the albeit enjoyable purpose of squeezing it all out. They couldn't have intuited that I did not mean for watercolors and tempera paints to be used at the same time. (And why not? Why can't they be used at the same time??) They would not have known inherently that I envisioned the beads as part of a design in loose parts and not part of a necklace. (And, again, why not??)

So while I nibbled and simultaneously chased after two eager artists, I tried to keep the calm and nurture the excitement. Y proceeded to squeeze every last drop of white paint onto his pallet, the table, the floor. S moved from painting a rainbow to mixing colors to making necklaces. The boys created a multitude of masterpieces and I hadn't even thought yet about how and where to display them, let alone where to set them to dry. I had four very painty hands and the lights in the bathroom were off, the door was still closed. Rookie mistake. We had a ton of painty brushes but no place to put them until we could wash them. Ok, time to provide one of those recycled plastic sushi trays. And then it was time for bed, we would try again tomorrow. I said to the boys (as much as I did to myself) that we were all new to using the atelier. It was a very special thing to have an artist's studio in our home and it was OK that we did not know everything about it yet; we would learn together.

Day two, I set out an invitation with our book and essential question. I set out a variety of "canvases" and our paints and brushes. This time, we moved a bit more slowly and with a bit more intention, but this time it was S who became enamored with squeezing out the paints into his tray and Y who wondered how it would look and feel to squeeze them right onto some glossy finish photo paper. I had such a gut reaction to say "no" and such an urge to get to "yes." I wanted to honor their curiosity and process. I wanted to convey respect that mixing colors was as much a part of art as painting with them. I wanted not to have to buy stock in Crayola or sell a kidney on the black market in order to maintain my paint supply. Where should I draw--or paint--the line between wonder and wastefulness?

I reached out to a teacher friend of mine who runs an atelier in her preschool. She is an artist as well and extremely talented and creative. We brainstormed ideas and she reminded me of some core atelier materials I had not remembered to include:

• Adequate time: Children need enough time to explore and engage and remain engaged with art. If they are rushed, their creative process cannot expand and it may not emerge at all. We would need to tweak the "open access" policy a bit to accommodate times when we really can engage and to be "closed" when we cannot. A large sheet or tablecloth draped over the shelves could work to visually close it off. I also  like using laminated signs and velcro for this purpose. I have used this method for a while to "close" our art shelves on Shabbos or holidays. I can use it as well to close some or all of the shelves at other times as needed. 
• Adequate attention: Time's kissing cousin is attention; mine was divided on the first occasion we used our atelier. In that sense, I missed an opportunity to really lay a foundation and groundwork for this space, but fear not! It's not a one shot deal! We will definitely be able to backtrack and establish a stage for this performance.
• The complete lesson: Just because you are not engaging in directed art does not mean the children do not need directions. I wanted so much for this to be their space and process that I neglected to set any boundaries at all and this was not helpful to their creative process. It actually probably inhibits it. Now we do take the time before beginning to talk and plan. It's OK if our plans change as we go and it's OK to experiment and revise. In addition to plans for preparation, giving over the complete lesson also includes establishing the skills to retrieve materials, transport them, where to use them, how to use them, how to clean them and where to put them away. I find that I nearly always leave a gap in some area or another and the children are the ones who show me where that is. It might be that I neglected to include a wet wash cloth for intermittent cleaning of hands or spills. It might be the lack of a space to set completed work to dry. It might be a very simple fix, but it can be helpful to perhaps jot these things down (unless you have an amazing memory) so that you will remember them in the future.
• Tricks and Tips: Along the way, you'll pick up tips and tricks. Some will be through trial and error. Some will be from the young artists themselves! Some will come from the creative recesses of your mind and others still will come from seeking the counsel of other atelieristas and artists. Regarding the squeeze bottle situation, my brilliant friend had several brilliant ideas. Perhaps we could add a bit of flour to thicken the paint and slow the process down. Perhaps we might draw a line on the outside of each bottle to designate a minimum point for how much paint could be used in a day or week. I proposed the idea of perhaps using a small jar and squeeze bottles to create a space where it was ok to squeeze and mix colors of paint that could then be stored and used. And then, the very next day as I sat down to continue a masterclass I am taking on process art and the atelier model, another teacher shared her trick of storing paints in empty soap bottles with pumps. The children are instructed to use two pumps at a time and can get more as needed. There you have it! For every challenge in the atelier there are infinite solutions! I ended up buying some empty pump bottles in bulk off Amazon and re-stocking our paint supply in those. And if you're looking for a tip on how to clean out the nozzles of those painty squeeze bottles: a tiny botttle brush used for baby bottle nipples or a straw brush work quite well!
  

• The Products of the Process: Having an atelier will undoubtedly increase your supply of art projects. I do want to give each creation the honor and respect it deserves. I usually ask the children what they would like to do with their work when they feel it's completed. Sometimes they want to hang it up. Other times they want to give it to someone special. They sometimes want to use it to make something else or store it in our "scrap paper" drawer for future use with collage. We are fortunate that although our space here is limited, we have a lot of magnetic surfaces to hang artwork and I love metal clip magnets for this purpose. The kids can hang and access their own work. We do hang and display some work on our walls and still other work is displayed on a garland with clothespins that hangs above their table. One area we are short on in our home is free horizontal surfaces to set things out to dry. Bakers racks stacked on top of one another can help with this challenge as well. And what to do with the overflow of projects over time? Do you save every single creation? Toss them when no one is looking? I like to select some very special ones, take photos of others and upcycle others into new artwork. Sometimes we give work away to a grandparent and sometimes we cut it into pieces for collage or to create greeting card sets as gifts or even to make bookmarks or labels. You might even use a blank journal or sketch book to store small pieces of artwork or photos of larger ones so young artists can maintain a timeline of their experience and growth in the atelier.
• Using Resources and Literature for Inspiration: While I love for the children to independently create using their own ideas and imagination, I also like to incorporate provocations and invitations to inspire them. Using children's literature, especially some of the great choices out there on the topic of art and artists, can be a great starting place. Pinterest, Instagram and similar sites offer a lot of tried and true ideas from others. Incorporating art books and works of art from "real" artists and even photographs and coffee table books with animals, nature and other items of interest to your children at the time can also offer inspiration and a starting place for those who may be overwhelmed by Blank Canvas Syndrome. Sometimes these items may just be set up or set out in our space and at other times I may introduce a more formal activity with them, as I did with I Ain't Gonna Paint No More.

We will likely come across a variety of triumphs and challenges in our home atelier as we continue to expand on it and tweak it. An atelier is never a stagnant space. It is always evolving just like the young designers in it. I look forward to sharing these with you along the way and until then...

Happy Playing!

Setting Up a Home Atelier for Your Budding Artists

Way back when I was promoted from Classroom Teacher to Play-at-Home-Mom, I was inspired to nurture my then two year old aspiring artist. In short, this meant having our art shelves stocked with materials accessible to the shorter members of this household. But as we increased in family size and more of those short people became busy and mobile, I have admittedly fallen a bit short on art center inspiration and implementation. We go through phases of being quite crafty and even engaging in fun and exciting process art activities. We've even studied various artists. I would say that while my kids have such a beautiful and inspiring confidence in their artwork, my own deficit in the area is a lack thereof. I do recall my own fearless creating as a child and somewhere along the line, I intuited that art must "look a certain way," which mine did not and from there I chose creative activities I feel more confident in but largely abandoned that open ended style of creation. I even felt rather inhibited as a teacher in this area. Art was probably for the art teachers, and while opportunities and materials were always available and accessible to my students, I did not necessarily devote as much energy and time into that corner of the classroom.
I do realize in watching my own children as well as my students that most children begin with a sense of wonder and spark of joy when it comes to art. There are surely a variety of colorful personalities within that and many shades of each one. Some children are inherently drawn to drawing. Some are not. Some feel a great deal of confidence and ambition while others are hesitant and reserved. Some will mass produce masterpieces and others are minimalists both in approach and production. But regardless, to me, the greatest importance was the experience itself--whether it was directed or child led, whether it was picture frame worthy or just some scribbles that needed to come out on a page. I worry, however, about children losing both opportunity and confidence in creating art. This, more than anything else, inspires me to preserve and support my own kids' spark of joy in it.
I've increased my own research and studying of teaching and promoting art to very young artists. I also jumped on an opportunity to take an online masterclass in the subject. And while there are so many approaches to art in early childhood and so many pedagogues overall, I am very eclectic overall. I do, however, really appreciate the Reggio-Emilia approach to setting up an atelier [fancy-schmancy word meaning a studio or workshop for one to create and design]. And since I always need yet another project on a Sunday, I tackled our own art shelves at full force and created our own family atelier.

So come on in and take a peek inside our playroom, a space not only for play but also for creation and exploration!

I sent my husband and the kids on a mission while they were at Walmart to bring home paint samples in all of the rainbow colors plus black and brown. Taped to our shelves, these help navigate and designate space where materials for mark-making in each color are stored. Separating colors and color groups helps them to be visible and easily accessed. It also encourages more planning in artwork as the children will need to think about what colors they want to use and what materials as opposed to picking out of a container full of all different colors or mediums (which also has its merit). It can encourage mixed medium work as opposed to works done all in crayon or marker alone. 
For Y it is also an opportunity to work on learning his colors. Many young children struggle with color names and identification because they are rarely isolated in our environment. Furthermore, one word, "green," can describe a multitude of shades and hues. In that sense, I never worry when young children confuse color names or have a harder time identifying them at first.
When it comes to artwork, we often see a plain piece of standard size white paper. For some art and artists, this is adequate. But for some artists who may be more reluctant, I've found that size matters. And color. And texture. So I like to include as many "canvas" options as possible--even canvas itself and temporary art surfaces like mirror trays or empty frames. I also have a hard time setting out this many options if I store them horizontally, as the only thing visible would be what is on top. I used to keep a three-tiered tray of papers for writing and drawing, but even that was limiting. Using a file sorter was the perfect solution. It is able to hold a variety of papers, trays, frames and canvases so they are easily seen and accessed. I included white paper in heavier marker weight, newsprint weight, photo paper with a glossy finish, graph paper, black card stock, colored cardstock in a variety of sizes, origami (origami lovers are cringing), tracing paper and canvases in a couple of sizes. 




I also used the file sorters to store mirror trays, empty picture frames and paint trays. Also accessible are a jar with several kinds of scissors, a bowl with glue sticks and a variety of tapes, a tape dispenser with clear tape and a couple of bottles of liquid glue.
I keep our family's sketch books and some stick bound journals we made accessible on another shelf for works of art that they wish to preserve in that way rather than on a wall. I love sketchbooks and journals for their ability to capture the story of their artist/author over time. It is so special to be able to look back over the months and even years and see how we have grown and changed. It is also a great portable option for taking art on the go, a topic I look forward to exploring and writing on more in the future.

 I like offering as many "real" art materials to children as I can, so while we do have the standard crayons and markers and colored pencils available, they also experience quality chalks and oil pastels and charcoal pencils. These tiny plastic drawers are a great storage option and the recycled sushi trays above them are great for transport of chosen materials from shelf to work surface. They can be used for paint, loose parts, drying smaller works of art and more. They are also a great way to encourage portion control when it comes to collage materials. Empty glass bottles are readily available for the boys to fill with water when they paint. A couple of mountable hooks stuck to the side of the shelf hold some art smocks should the boys want to cover up. Y is always game for sporting a smock (and just about any type of uniform for that matter). S does not like to cover up and unless we are using a permanent medium that will surely stain or wearing something that one of us would mind getting stained, I don't push it. I also stack a set of art mats (dollar store vinyl placemats) and larger trays for protecting/designating work spaces. And that brings me to the paint...

Tempera paints are now set out in condiment bottles and a jar is stocked with a variety of brushes and tools for painting with. A few watercolor pallets are also ready for use. This was the area that first and most drew the boys in. It is also the area that so far has required the most troubleshooting and I'll be sharing more about that in a future post.

Another area that I'd like to expand on in the future is our shelf of loose parts for design and creation. I currently have jars stocked with beads, sequins, plastic gems and assorted buttons. The boys, seeing the beads at first, were initially inspired to create jewelry and asked for beading elastic. I'd also like to include some wire working in the future. I would love for them to explore loose parts for the purpose of design in addition to creating permanent pieces. Y naturally does this whereas S already has an association with these being used solely for crafting in a more "traditional" sense. Some creative provocations and invitations would be a great way for us all to expand our pallet here. This is also a shelf that will likely shift more frequently. Some materials will probably always be out and available and others I'd like to rotate and change to follow our interests over time.

There are many kinks to iron out. The boys are showing me what needs to be added, what needs to be altered, where I have lacked in giving over a lesson and where I have become too rigid and overbearing. But this journey could not have begun at a more opportune time. Y has always loved artwork and using different mediums to create it. More and more he is also embracing his growing independence and being able to do things "byself," as he puts it. He has become increasingly confident in drawing lines and even circles. He also has observed from his brother that these things go together to represent other things, so he will take his crayon or marker or paint to the paper and say "this is a vacuum" or "this is a snowball." Sometimes his picture somewhat resembles his label (as in the case of the snowball, which was indeed a large circle) and other times it does not (as in the case with the vacuum, which was a long, zigzagging brown line across the page or paper).

S has always been a bit less prone to art activities. He will participate in a directed activity, he sometimes even would choose to make something on his own, but if given the choice of something else to do, he often would pick that something else. There were also certain mediums he was more drawn to than others. He has always enjoyed beading and sewing and sculpting--any type of very fine motor art and the engineering end of it as well. He also always loved cutting (and was quite proficient at it early on) and hole punching and gluing. He was not as confident in drawing and writing, but when this guy gets his confidence, he rolls with it. Sure enough, kindergarten has taken him to new heights of writing and drawing. And that confidence and its accompanying interest level have also spilled over into other art forms--especially painting and messy art. These used to be areas he'd be hesitant in at first. He really needed time to be able to ease into it and options to wipe/wash hands as he worked.

Before beginning my atelier overhaul, I considered what was most important to us in that space. I knew I wanted the space to be accessible--for the boys to be able to easily take what they need, use it and return it to its home. I wanted the space to be aesthetically pleasing to inspire and nurture the beauty that is a young child's creation and design. I also needed to consider our overall space, being that this is just one component of our home and that our home happens to be rather small. An atelier is never a stagnant space and especially in working with a home environment, and a smaller one at that, there would need to be ways for the boys to easily transport materials from here to there.  I would need to provide the right materials to get from conception to creation to completion and clean-up. And, as I would quickly learn upon its first unveiling, it would require a quite a few other supporting measures as well, but that's a topic for my next post...


If this happens to inspire your own redesign of a home or classroom art space or even if you'd just like to read more on the subject, I love this article on How to Save Space with a One Shelf Atelier by Sally Haughey of Fairy Dust Teaching. In addition to working with a small space, I also operate on a restricted budget. I did not go out and buy a whole bunch of new supplies. Short crayons work just as well as longer ones. Swinging for higher quality supplies when possible does save you in the long-run, and you can save on these by taking advantage of sales, coupons and even secondhand shops. Thrift stores and the Dollar Store are great places to find containers, trays, some art and craft supplies, loose parts, frames, and more. Friends and relatives might also be a good resource for donations of supplies and recycled materials. And don't discount the hardware section of your local big box store or even your local hardware store itself! Nature is always a ready supplier of useful materials for creative work. While the aesthetics of an atelier space and the supplies within it are of importance, the most important thing is what happens in that space. An atelier is a space for creation, design and, of course, play.



I'll be back tomorrow with some additional tips (and trials) of setting up a home or classroom atelier. And until then...

Happy Playing!

Pretend You Are Playing...

"Mommy, what did you play when you were little?"
In the recent months, my boys have become particularly interested in hearing about what my own childhood play experiences were like. S in particular loves to hear stories of what types of toys I played with and what topics and stories I played about. Trips to our local thrift shop started to result in a growing collection of original cabbage patch kids (I am one doll away from having more cabbage patch kids than actual kids). I may or may not have begun grooming my boys to play with vintage My Little Ponies. They got the surprise of the summer when two brand new Pound Puppies arrived for adoption at our house in retro 1980s true-to-the-original packaging. And yes, I had to retro-actively order one more for myself, because I'm still jealous that my big sister had a big Pound Puppy, Cinnamon, and I only had a newborn, Fudge. I finally got my big Pound Puppy, a similarly colored breed with different ears and spots unlike the original Cinnamon, and if anyone asks, her name is Nutmeg.

And yes, I felt just a little bit foolish standing in the line to pick up my order from Walmart's Customer Service desk, holding onto my wallet and 30 plus years of little sister toy envy, but you know what? As soon as the grown man standing behind me saw what was inside my box he gleefully shouted
"Is that a Pound Puppy? In original 1980s retro packaging???"
"Yes, sir! And it still comes with the sticker sheet..."

And when I got in the line at the thrift store to buy two more original cabbage patch dolls so the boys would stop fighting over mine, the cashier had her own fond memory of being stationed overseas in Asia when cabbage patch dolls first came out and being able to purchase them at insanely inexpensive prices for the time since she was near the factory where they were manufactured. [Sorry to burst anyone's bubble who thought like I did that they were actually harvested from a garden bed...] Another woman remembered standing in line at midnight outside of the toy store when they first came out to buy one for her then two year old daughter. And when I posted a question to my Facebook page about earliest memories of play, the responses flooded in from favorite toys, games, play scenarios and more. How is it that on a good day, many adults cannot remember what we ate for dinner the night before or why we walked into the kitchen just now, but we can all remember playing as a child?

I believe this speaks volumes to the importance of play in childhood. Truly, child's play is more than just child's play. And the world's greatest pioneers of early childhood spoke to this truth. Voices like those of Fred Rogers, Maria Montessori and Vivian Paley all sang the same glorious tune, albeit in slightly different keys: play is the work of the child. It is where they discover and learn. It is where they feel and grow. It is where they grieve and overcome. It is where they worry and resolve. Play is the foundation upon which all else is built and it is truly the integrity of everything that emerges from it. If the foundation of a building is weak, the building itself will lack integrity. Play is where our children thrive, and yet, it is all but disappearing from childhood (not to mention all the years that follow).

Whereas early childhood classrooms once were a space of fantasy and storytelling, perhaps with some meaningful props offered and opportunity to reflect through various artistic, mathematical, literary, musical and scientific lenses, now there are desks and chairs and bodies made to sit still in them that are no more ready to sit still than a baby who's yet to sit at all is ready to walk. We've got so much. We've got research and data. We've got technology and industry. We've got scores to achieve and standards to maintain. What we don't have is time. There is not time for the luxury of play. What was once seen as the work of the child is now seen as an escape from that work. What once was the rule is now the exception to it.

My father is a psychologist, professor, lecturer, author and advocate. His area of expertise and interest is the world of work. His latest book, The Importance of Work in an Age of Uncertainty: The Eroding Work Experience in America talks about the massive climate change in our country's work and career force and how that has so greatly affected people across the board--from the CEO to the janitor and everyone in between. My father is truly passionate about the world of work and how it shapes who we are. So how did I end up an advocate for play? One might argue we speak from opposite ends of the spectrum, but I would argue that we are likely seeing and saying the very same things, albeit from varied stages of life.

And likely my own passion stems from the fact that two of the greatest advocates for my own childhood play were my parents. My mother also works in the field of early childhood education and greatly valued the role of children's narrative through play both in her classrooms and in our home. We did not have video games, though we did watch TV. We had plenty of toys and they spanned from those that are more open ended to those we craved and coveted as seen on TV. We did not always have someone standing over us and directing our play or dictating the story. We had times when we said "I'm bored." And we were allowed to dwell in that space and discover what could become of it.

We had two of the greatest assets any child can have when it comes to play: TIME and SPACE. We had the opportunity to engage in deep, meaningful and continued play and we had the ownership of that narrative. Certain games continued on and off for months and even years. (Don't get me started on the Barbie Sagas of the Early 1990s.) When something was worrisome or scary, we played about it. My dad played about allergy shots with me more times than I can account for. There were plenty of areas I was not particularly confident in as a child, but play was a safe haven. In play, I could be whoever I wanted to be. In play, the story could end when it stopped being fun. In play, all things were possible in a world that would gradually close in to cross at least a few of those things off the list: I would not be a ballerina, monopoly money does not work in the mall, unicorns are not, in fact real, and husbands do not really sleep in the bathtub (sorry, Ken, but on Barbie's behalf, Jerry Seinfeld said it best: sleep is separate).

This past July, the world lost a powerful voice in play advocacy and early childhood education when pioneering teacher, Vivian Gussin Paley passed away at the age of 90. In one of my favorite books of hers (and really, they are all favorites), A Child's Work: The Importance of Fantasy Play, she writes the following:
"...we discovered that play was indeed work. First there was the business of deciding who to be and who the others must be and what the environment is to look like and when it is time to change the scene. Then there was the even bigger problem of getting of getting others to listen to you and accept your point of view while keeping the integrity of the make-believe, the commitment to the other players, and perhaps the loyalty of a best friend..."

Indeed, the chasm between the cubicle and the playroom is not nearly as wide as we may perceive it to be. Playground politics and office politics are not so different. And the dialogue of play has not changed one bit in the last 100 years although the stage scenery may have. Listen in on any group of 5 year olds and you'll  hear it:
"Pretend you are the mommy and I am the baby. And pretend that the baby wants to play but it's time for bed."
"No, I want to be a puppy! We are all dogs. Pretend you are the mommy dog and I am the baby dog and the baby dog wants to play but it's time for bed."
"Yeah, and the baby dog is really mad. Pretend you run away because you don't want to go to bed."
"And pretend when you're running away you get lost in the woods and it's really scary."
"And there's a witch!"
"And she's got a house made out of candy and cookies and dog treats...."

The characters' names and the plot lines may have changed subtly and significant world events have shaped the stories as they occurred. But one thing always remains the same and it truly fills me with wonder. It always begins with the words "Pretend..."

In "Pretend..." it is safe. Don't get me wrong--it can get dangerous. There are fires and storms and villains and weapons and people get sick and people die and people also come back to life and the plot can also change and the characters can shift and the story can even start over. And in a decade of teaching and working with children and now in 5 plus years of parenthood what has changed? Pedagogues come and go. Tools and technology emerge and just as quickly are replaced by updated versions. Across the board, most children do learn their letters and numbers and will read and write, albeit in their own pace and space. There's not one foolproof method to success, but more often than not the utilization of multiple methods is most successful. What is lacking? For many, it is the ability to "Pretend..." Who knew that was a skill? More and more, the absence of that TIME and SPACE has resulted in the absence of the ability to engage in and maintain that play narrative. And what is lost when we lose the story?

Perhaps we could argue that children don't need to play about being grown up and going to work--they are practically born already doing it, or at least with the expectation that they must be ready to by kindergarten. Blowing bubbles outside has been replaced by filling in bubbles on a Scantron sheet. Children do not lack for lessons on how to do that. They do lack for lessons on how to play--so much so that "play therapy" has become a common resource offered in schools for children displaying a deficit in this area. A deficit in play? How does that even happen? How did the world of "Pretend..." become a world in which children are taught to Pretend they are playing?

And Perhaps the nostalgia we all feel at the sight of a mint condition Care Bear sitting on the thrift store shelf or the vintage toy section displaying replicas of playthings past is not about the toys themselves, but the times that they represent. The days when bedtime always came too soon and even then, the game could always continue again tomorrow--right where it left off. The days when recess was not a privilege to be earned and likewise, taken away, but a standard segment of the daily routine--as necessary as lunch time and using the bathroom. The days when play was not an escape from the task at hand but, rather, was the task at hand. It wasn't a way to pass the time, it was the purpose of the time. And what I truly wonder is this: thirty years from now, what memories will come back to our own children when their little ones ask them "what did you play when you were little?"

Happy Playing!

When Little Kids Have Big Emotions

I recently saw the above image on a Facebook page I follow and it spoke volumes to me. As parents and educators, we often hear the phrase "self-regulation" in regard to the little ones in our care. But what does it mean? Are young children (think between the ages of 0-5) really developmentally ready to manage and express BIG emotions on their own? How about children older than that? Think about the last time you were really angry about something and your spouse told you to "just calm down." Worked like a charm, right?

When it comes to parenting and working with children in early childhood, there are a plethora of ideas and influences at our fingertips--literally. Social media, online forums and technology at large have expanded the "village" raising our children. This can be such a positive factor. It can also be overwhelming and at times, damaging. Our early childhood classrooms that were once a space for play and exploration are more and more filled with desks and chairs and expectations for children to achieve and perform. Our hours at home are no longer filled with the direction to "go out and play," but rather with extra-curricular activities and homework as early as preschool and kindergarten. And although our intentions are in the right place--we want our children to succeed--there is a price to pay and our children are footing the bill.

And they are not the only ones! Parents and educators are also paying a price. When it comes to early development, nobody tries to force a newborn infant to get up and walk. We know that first a baby must be able to support its head and then push up and then sit and in time, be able to move around and walk. There is an order of operations that are developmentally appropriate and we know that these require time and space and opportunity. We don't expect a newborn infant to verbally communicate upon arrival (wouldn't that be nice, though?) and we recognize that crying is their first language and respond accordingly. Furthermore, most folks aren't praising the quality of parenting or educating when babies do achieve developmental milestones or criticizing it when they move at a slower pace. But when you're the parent or teacher tending to a little one in the midst of a meltdown in the children's museum parking lot, you can bet someone has some unsolicited advice to give!

Let's face it: our little ones have BIG emotions. They tend to come in two sizes: large and extra large. Our emotional regulation center lies in the prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain, the one that helps us navigate big emotions, resolve conflict and control impulses, does not fully develop until the age of 25. So why do we expect young children to "self-regulate" before their bodies are ready to do so? The answer is likely multifaceted. We [adults] are often uncomfortable with big emotions. We like to "fix" things; we don't like when it looks "messy" or "out of control." We are also bombarded by images of smiling "well adjusted" children in classrooms, at home, outside, around town...not many of us post as many photos of the 4PM temper tantrum or the football hold on the toddler as you bolt out of the grocery store sans groceries...

But what if we stepped back and changed the language around "self-regulation." What if we introduced the concept as "co-regulation." Rather than setting expectations for our little ones to manage and control and express their big emotions on their own, what if we partnered with them to navigate those waves together. (And imagine also if we allowed that for ourselves as well!) It's not easy. It's hard to see our children hurt and angry and "out of control." We connect with it and whether or not our brains remember these very real moments of childhood, our bodies do. It's hard to be the teacher or parent with a child who is not conforming to that Facebook-friendly Image. We want to stop it, to fix it, to quell it, to stifle it. But if the eventual "goal" is for children to be able to regulate their large emotions, what tools are we giving them to do so?

I will wholeheartedly admit that while I did not struggle in this area so much as a teacher, it is much harder for me as a parent. With my own children, it gets personal. It's important for me to be able to slow myself down and move through my own large emotions while still tending to my children's while simultaneously separating the two! And tapping into my own tool belt includes (but is not limited) to the following:

What need is the behavior communicating? I believe all behaviors are forms of communication. That very newborn baby's first language is crying--it is, therefore, not surprising that many children resort to that first language or versions of it to communicate big emotions. If you can identify the need behind the behavior, it's easier to proceed. It can be tricky when one behavior communicates multiple needs either at different times or even at the same time.

Time and Space: Slow. Down. When emotions run high, we tend to put the pedal to the metal. Some children need time and space. While some folks are ready to swim against the wave, others need to let it flow over them and pass. Recognize that the way you navigate rough waters may be different than the way your children do and allow that to be OK. Also recognize that this might be even harder when the way you navigate those rough waters is the same. I am the type who sometimes needs that time and space, but I find it hard not to jump into problem solving mode when my children are hurting and need that time and space, not a hug and solution.

What's mention-able is manageable. Sometimes it just needs a name. Sometimes it doesn't need a solution, it doesn't need to be fixed, it just needs to be spoken. "You're really angry that your brother took your toy." "You're really disappointed that the video isn't working." Sometimes that is all that's needed to be able to move forward.

Proximity and Connection: All children need to feel connected to us and secure in that connection, especially in the moments of intense emotion. Not all children need or want physical connection or closeness in those moments. Some children do very well with a warm hug and a space on your lap. Others do best with you sitting nearby. Others do best with you sitting outside of the room. Sometimes it might be helpful to ask "would you like a hug?" Or "would you like me to sit by you?"

Laughter is the best medicine sometimes. Some children do very well with a silly distraction. Some do quite well with being redirected to another activity. Be mindful, however, if you perceive that a child needs support in sitting with and experiencing their large emotions first. Silliness and distraction can feel punitive or dismissive in these instances. On the other end of that, it's also useful to help young children navigate what to do when it is time to move on. Sometimes we can get stuck in these large emotions and we need a little help to step out of it and move forward.

Shut down and Reboot: This needs to always be an option. Our children need to know that sometimes it's OK to just give those big feelings a space and a time and let them out and then start over. They need to know that this is OK to do even multiple times in a day. We all  have days like that. We all remember that feeling of life just snowballing in front of us. We often underestimate how much our young children feel this, too. They need to know that one moment of one day does not define all of those other moments. This is how they will internalize that those big emotions do not, in fact, define them.

Play: It isn't a post on my blog if I don't mention the power of play. Playing about big emotions through modeling, role play and talking through characters is a great way for children to work through co-regulating big feelings outside of "the moment." My eldest recently got in trouble in school for something he didn't want to tell me about but he did want to tell his knit snake, "Snakey" about it and he asked if Snakey would tell Mommy. S told Snakey all about the incident and Snakey shared a similar experience with S. They talked about ways to handle it in the future; they had some giggles and Mommy was there in the background just in case they needed some support.

When to Bring in the Experts: As usual, I'm always a supporter of getting support. If you have a concern over a child's big emotions or even your own, it's helpful to get some perspective from an outside, subjective source. Sometimes it's all a matter of the tools you have. A plastic spoon is great for eating a yogurt; it is not great for changing a flat tire. The more tools you have, the more problems you can solve whether it's eating a yogurt or changing a flat tire--be prepared and arm yourself for both.

We'll be back soon and until then...

Happy Playing!