Get Outside ANYWAY: Balancing Caution and Confidence, Part 1

I was at a birthday party the other day, chatting with some other moms when the topic of cute kid foods came up. Everything tastes better on a stick, just go to any county fair and prove me wrong. "I just saw an idea to make grape popsicles. You just freeze grapes and stick a toothpick in," I began, and then as I thought about it, I added "and then your kid can poke his eye out and choke on a grape at the same time." Risk assessment is an inherent part of parenting and working with children. Safety is a factor we must address in any space, in any moment and in every decision. Within the confines of four walls and a roof, we can imagine that we have some level of control over that and indeed, we implement a variety of tools to "childproof" these spaces. But what happens when those walls and roof are behind us? What happens when we take our children outdoors into nature?

"Put down that stick!"

"Don't talk to strangers!"

"Don't walk up the slide!"

"You need to drink water or you'll get dehydrated!"

"Don't drink too much or you'll have to pee!"

"Bees can sting!"

"You'll get a sunburn!"

"Don't pet that dog!"

"No climbing on rocks!"

"No throwing the sand!"

"Be careful!"

When I started to think about this topic, I imagined writing one post on the issue, but I think it's worthy of more and we will still barely scratch the surface! One of the greatest barriers we all face outdoors for ourselves and as we lead our children is the issue of safety. Indeed, ideas around safety in our society have changed the face of outdoor play altogether. Gone are the days of playing unaccompanied around most neighborhoods. Gone are the days of my own childhood of playing unaccompanied even in a fenced in backyard. It is rare that I drive through suburban neighborhoods where we live and see children playing in front yards or riding bikes on the street. If and when I do, they are nearly always accompanied by an adult.

Even the landscape of nature spaces has changed.

Here I am wearing leather boots,
a pencil skirt, a sheitel (wig)
 and a baby S, hiking up a gosh darn
mountain. Not because I planned to,
but because we googled a "park"
and this is where we ended up. It was
the scariest hike of my life and one
of the most confidence building
experiences as well.

Parks are carefully and intricately designed. Much of children's experience outside is likely on a playground. The surfaces are often synthetic, to cushion falls. The equipment is often designed and labeled with age ranges in mind. Plastics have replaced much of the metal or wooden equipment that playgrounds were constructed of when I was small. No more burning your tush on the slide on a summer day and no more splinters from climbing up the stairs to the top of the castle. Gates surround most playgrounds, some even have childproof locks.

When you know more, you do more. We know more about safety and children than we once did. Take car seats for instance. We also live in a day and age with new and emerging concerns that perhaps were not relevant even 10 or 20 years ago. How has this affected nature play for our growing generation? And how has it affected our own view of being outdoors? In an effort to protect ourselves and our children from danger, have we hijacked a vital experience in developing the skills needed to assess whether something is dangerous or not?

In preparing this post, I asked my Facebook Hive-mind the following questions:

• Which is safer? Indoor or outdoor play?
• What is your outdoor leadership style? Helicopter or free range leader?
• What do you worry about outdoors?
• What do you feel confident about outdoors?

In the past two weeks alone, I came across a variety of interesting articles on the topic. I think it is telling that these themes are coming up in social networking groups just as the school year begins. For some children, that might mean a significant decrease in outdoor time, while for others it may actually mean an increase in nature based opportunities. One article put out by the CBC is titled "It's Never Been Safer For Kids to Play Outside or More Dangerous to Be Inside." The author (based in Canada) sites that children are sedentary for roughly 7.5 hours a day. From a physical health standpoint, the article continues on to address the concerns of a sedentary, indoor lifestyle and the benefits of nature based risky play for physical health and development.

Author and nature activist, Richard Louv is another powerful voice behind the topic and if you've not yet read it, I highly recommend his book Last Child in the Woods. In it, he says:

"Our society is teaching young people to avoid direct experience in nature. That lesson is delivered in schools, families, even organizations devoted to the outdoors, and codified into the legal and regulatory structures of many of our communities. Our institutions, urban/suburban design, and cultural attitudes unconsciously associate nature with doom—while disassociating the outdoors from joy and solitude. Wellmeaning public-school systems, media, and parents are effectively scaring children straight out of the woods and fields. In the patent-or-perish environment of higher education, we see the death of natural history as the more hands-on disciplines, such as zoology, give way to more theoretical and remunerative microbiology and genetic engineering. Rapidly advancing technologies are blurring the lines between humans, other animals, and machines. The postmodern notion that reality is only a construct—that we are what we program—suggests limitless human possibilities; but as the young spend less and less of their lives in natural surroundings, their senses narrow, physiologically and psychologically, and this reduces the richness of human experience."


I believe that caution and confidence are two sides of the same coin. What exactly are we supposed to do from here? It is not realistic to simply ignore the factors that do make aspects of outdoor play risky and even dangerous. In fact, it is negligent. And restricting the experience altogether is also risky and potentially negligent. I think when it comes to assessing a situation like this, it's best to begin with what it is we are most afraid of with the goal in mind of striking some sort of balance. Here are some of the responses I received when asking which is safer--indoor or outdoor play?

"Define safe. Define the parameters of play." was one response I got and it speaks volumes. I personally attribute some of the fear mentality toward outdoor play to not having these boundaries clearly defined and the fact that they mean different things for different people. Even the structural changes to nature spaces and outdoor play experiences are dictated by how adults view and define both safety and play.

Take a few snapshots from the standard public park scenario, for instance:

Most public parks have a playground based on the belief that in order to play children need this equipment. Playground equipment has a lot of potential benefits:

• Children can work and develop a variety of skills including gross motor and muscle strength development, social skills in peer interactions, building self confidence, spacial awareness and more.
• Safety features like shaded and covered areas, synthetic turf, and age range recommendations can prevent injuries.

Some potential downfalls include:

• Playgrounds typically provide equipment with a single function. There is less likelihood to engage in creative and abstract play and potentially less likelihood to engage with natural materials found outdoors.
• Safety features can provide a "false sense of security" about falls and injuries that can occur. Children who engage in risky play like jumping off of high equipment won't necessarily learn what happens when you jump off a high surface if they land on a cushioned surface below them.

Well, since I am me, I usually answer a question with a question, and I let my friend give her own definitions of play and safety:

Safe to me implies less risk of physical injury.
Play often is used to mean lightly supervised recreation within a specific area and often with provided materials.

With those definitions in mind, indoor would be safer.

But risks are way more fun.

Yes, the risks are fun! And while I can remember creating my own risky play scenarios indoors (think a set of carpeted stairs and bean bag chairs...) as well as outside (think "skiing" down my backyard hill on a plastic saucer sled into the woodpile at the bottom), there are documented benefits to this type of play. One benefit is the skill of risk assessment, or a child's ability to navigate their personal and physical as well as environmental limitations. That involves all kinds of problem solving and critical thinking skills! And while I do not condone staircase surfing or backyard saucer skiing, I did live to tell about them both. (Also, don't tell my parents I did this if you happen to see them....)

Here are some more responses from my friends. The group includes parents in all stages, educators, a school principal, folks with children who have special needs, and respondents range geographically across the nations from the east coast to the west coast and even Alaska:

"Bubble wrap and tv watching. 
It's not about safety. It's about trusting your body in space." 

"Should 'safe' be the lead guiding determinant in play? A friend of mine (with children much younger than my own) does something that really impresses me...when her then-toddler boys were playing, and doing something that could result in injury (something that makes a mom inclined to say 'careful!) she would ask them, 'what could happen?'. This encouraged them to stop and think, do a risk assessment (she often helped with this part) and then let them decide for themselves. (She also kept bandages in her purse.)"

" I feel like outdoor play (in areas away from roads) is safer for my extremely energetic 4.5 year old. He needs space to run and jump and he just can't do it inside without breaking something!"

And then it was time to talk about what exactly we were afraid of outdoors...responses poured in, including the following, which I've broken down into categories:

Stranger Danger, Busy Streets, Running Away and Getting Lost:
"My kids running off with a stranger with a cute puppy."

"I never go to isolated areas. I would take the kids at busy times."

"That my kids will run into the street."

Stranger danger was a pop phrase of my own childhood. We had a secret family password in case someone other than my parents came to pick us up from school. We grew into latch key kids but the front door was always locked and we had a home alarm system. One night early into this phase, the alarm was set to motion detection by mistake. When the alarm went off, my sister (then 11) and I (7) panicked. The police arrived but we'd been told never to open the door for a stranger and we did not believe with confidence that the police officer was for sure a police officer and not a "stranger" in disguise. Faces on the backside of our chocolate milk cartons had created a fear that was larger than life, but I don't think I could have even defined what a "stranger" was. 

In many ways, I feel the "danger" has increased now with the advances in technology, social networking, camera phones and more. And while my firstborn gave me false confidence in my ability to keep track of my own offspring my second-born has a habit of elopement. Not long enough ago, I lost sight of him at our botanical garden center. I was not on my phone, I didn't even realize I was distracted at all. He was right next to me and then he wasn't. I put on my best "calm" persona and started looking. I was afraid he'd gone into the water he was so curious about the week before. I was afraid someone might have found him and would judge me harshly or even worse that someone might have found him who was not safe. It was no longer than 5 minutes. I walked by him no fewer than 5 times. Why? Because I had told my children if they ever got lost to stop and stay in one place and wait for me to find them. I had not told them to also call "Mommy! Mommy!" until I found them. There were no cute puppies that day, but there was a picnic table Y had never sat in before and there he sat, looking quite guilty and just a little bit scared until I got there.

Wouldn't it be safer to just put them in strollers? Or on a leash? I'm not lost in the mall today because I was put on a leash. But did this give me a false sense of security and fail to give me an opportunity to learn how to stay by my adults? At the end of the day, I think you must do what you must do as a parent and for your child's well being. I have not put Y on a leash or restricted him to a stroller at this point. I also no longer use the words "I will never" when it comes to parenting decisions. Right now, I have a chant I use: "all hands on deck!" and my boys will come and hold my hand or the stroller that C is in. If that stops working, I'll go to plan B...

And indeed, on the other side of the stranger danger coin is the perspective that today's children lack the skills to assess "stranger safety" since they are rarely or never exposed to life opportunities in which this issue might come up. Do our children have the skills to navigate a scenario in which they are in a crowded public place or a location in which they could become separated from their family or group? Milk cartons have been replaced by Facebook walls and in situations where timing is everything, this is highly efficient. And at the same time, it opens up a whole new can of worms...

Speaking of worms, critters and poisonous plants...

"We have encountered loose dogs , I also hate wasps and snakes. We go out most days anyways." And this amazing Momma reported just the next day that one of her daughters got stung by a bee...

"Ticks, we have found them on our clothes. I carry a good spray and a tick spoon and we are outdoors all the time."

"Ticks and poison ivy."

"Ugh...ticks."

Boy, those ticks really tick people off. And while I grew up learning about tick protection and identification and was sprayed with 100% Deet (and only a few lingering side effects...) with leggings tucked into my socks, I tested positive for Lyme disease at the age of 15. I'd never had a bulls eye rash nor had I found a tick on my body. Fast forward to the first year of our marriage and my husband had become inexplicably ill. Nothing seemed to help him and test after test came back negative. I mentioned Lyme and his doctor begrudgingly obliged to run the panel. High on every marker. No tick found, no bulls eye rash. Indeed, tick born illnesses are a valid concern. Loose dogs, stinging insects, snakes (S found one in our backyard bucket of mud and that is a story for another day) and poisonous plants are some of the many concerns we face in nature. And even when we are vigilant and cautious, things happen.

Injuries outdoors can range from those inflicted by flora or fauna to skinned knees, splinters, or broken bones to sunburns to dehydration (a topic you'll see come up next...) to heat exhaustion in hot temperatures or frostbite and hypothermia in cold ones. Injuries and illness related to outdoor causes can range from mild to severe. It's hard as a parent and educator to even think about the severe ones. I've been a teacher in a school where a child escaped the playground and was found (safe, thank G-d) running down a busy street. I recently visited the beach with my family this summer and watched S play gleefully by the shoreline. Literally days after we arrived home, a father and rabbi in a community we know well passed away after trying to rescue a drowning student in a different part of the same beach. I could not sleep for nights afterward. But when it comes to those easier to wrap our brain around (or at least a bandaid around) boo-boos, a friend of mine mentioned how important it is for her children to learn how to work through minor injuries and this was a really enlightening spin on the topic. 

So back to the "number one" issue (pun intended)...

"Not bringing enough water. 
Related: a kid needing to use a bathroom."

"Dehydration and bathroom needs."

A couple of months ago, we had quite a scare with S on a very hot day when we walked to and from synagogue on Shabbos. He vomited several times and although we typically do not use phones or cars on Shabbos, we called the pediatrician and rushed him to pediatric urgent care with fear that he was suffering from heat exhaustion. He did get some Zofran, a lollipop and a Gatorade and reported back that it was "the best day ever." He was OK and his vomiting had been more food related than heat related. Nonetheless, in related news, he also recently took his first pee in the woods because this Mommy is going to have her kids hydrate whether or not there is a bathroom nearby...


And now that we're all shaking in our sloggers just a bit, let's talk about the things we feel confident in outdoors:

"I feel confident about being allowed to make as much noise as the kids feel like making! So long as they are crying and making people question my parenting abilities, I feel confident the bears won't come after us!"

"We will find something interesting, be it a bug, plant, geocache, or water."

" I feel confident in making as big of a mess as the kids desire. I also never wonder whether we will discover something amazing whether it's a butterfly in the flowers, a bird nest in the grass, what color the water turns when different colors of chalk are added or what kind of bug is hanging out in the herbs."

It doesn't matter what your WHY is, just that you have one. That you get outside ANYWAY because wherever you are, you're here and this parenting and working with kids thing totally requires a lot of patience, bravery and resilience. In balancing caution and confidence, we work within ourselves. We also impart this onto our children as they grow to strike their own sense of balance. What really struck a chord with me as I collected data and ideas for this series of posts is how, like in so many other areas of life with kids and parenthood, we are faced with so many decisions to make and so many potential risks that it really could become paralyzing. But somehow, we get out there anyway. Whether it's the benefits we see or the wonder we still hold in the great outdoors, time and time again, we get outside ANYWAY. We wipe off tears. We kiss and clean wounded elbows. We nurture wounded egos and celebrate strides in confidence. We live in an era where we could wrap in bubble wrap and plop in front of the TV (wait, isn't bubble wrap an asphyxiation risk? And isn't screen time bad for the eyes and harmful to sleep hygiene? Oh no, more to worry about...) We could ask Alexa what's under a rock outside. We could tell and show our children what's under a rock outside. Or our children could walk into the woods with us and find a big rock and discover how heavy it is to move and then discover a whole hidden city of bugs and worms that were underneath it. All of those experiences have value, but the one they are most likely to recall is the latter.

So how about that fourth question: What kind of outdoor leader are you? Join us in our next post to hear from the hovering helicopters, the free range adventurers and the hybrid hover-rangers... We'll walk the walk and talk the talk and until then...

Happy Playing!