Think Outside the Box Thursday: The Spectrum of "Participation" and Engagement

I have a confession to make. When I started nursery school in 1987, my father gave me some frank advice: always sit in the front row and raise your hand. I, however, sat in my cubby and cried for my Mommy. Every. Single. Day. She was lucky enough to be serenaded by the soothing symphony of my sobs as she taught in the classroom across the hall. After a while, my teachers brought a small table over to my cubby and set out toys or activities. I "participated" from there, next to a fellow cubby dweller who "participated" in a similar fashion. Even in my first music class, an activity I had natural talent for and interest in, chocolate bars were not even incentive enough to "get me to participate."  I took the remainder of the year off before returning the next fall when I was ready to tackle the next sixteen years of classical piano training, eventually composing and performing my own works.

All in!

#mood

As a parent and a teacher, I am aware that "participation" looks different for different children. And this can vary from setting to setting, from day to day, and even within the course of one hour. Nonetheless, we tend to categorize and label children we teach, as well as our own. This child is shy. This one "refuses to participate." This one is not engaged or not participating. We come up with "rules" of this trade of participation. You must try. You must take a turn. And many times, these rules are different for our children than they are for us. If you did not feel comfortable dancing public, would you require yourself to take a Zumba class? And yet, the child who doesn't want to dance at music time is condemned for not participating. And on the other end of that spectrum is the child who is so eager to participate, but engages in a way that we deem disruptive, different or otherwise inappropriate--so as a consequence, we deny him the opportunity to participate at all.

Today, I want to unpack this idea of "participation," and look at ways we can nurture and support each child's unique disposition and current abilities. I want to start, however, by throwing away the word "participation" altogether and replacing it with engagement. Although this article from The Seattle Times talks specifically about the psychology of sports fandom, it references recent scientific studies that show the powerful affect on the brain of even watching sports. Brain waves of viewers to the sport actually mimicked those of the athletes actively playing. What this tells us is that even the child who is watching an activity is still engaged and learning.

Engagement plays out differently in a traditional classroom or group setting than it does at home and even more uniquely when members of the home are involved! My own preschooler is likely to soak up the scene in his classroom every morning before beginning his activities. He typically takes a few visits to a library story time or new activity before he wants to join in. The first few times I attended school events with him, he acted completely differently than when I am not there, a trick I invented in 1987. In the car on our way to a third family school function last year, I asked him "is it different that teachers and parents are here at the same time?" "Yes!" he responded. "Yeah, I know that's a little different and it can feel a little funny, but you can still do the things you would usually do with your teachers and school friends even when I am here and even though it feels a little funny." And he did. But would it have been OK with me if he didn't? Honestly, yes!

And on his very last day of school before the end of the year show, he announced that he was not going to sing the songs his class prepared. He was not lying. He stood there on the stage and didn't move a muscle. He wouldn't even hold his prop up and the show went on. He did, however, sing those songs every single day at home for weeks before that morning and for weeks to follow. Do I know why he refused to "participate" that day? Not really. I imagine it felt awkward and the microphones were loud and the room was not one he's used to. It had elements of performance and formality and saying goodbye and all of those things are uncomfortable. He fully participated in eating cupcakes afterward and I'm good with that.

In my classrooms, I have seen a range of student engagement. Whether it's at a group time, an independently led play or work time, indoors, outside, in games or led movement activities and even at the lunch table or walking in line, student engagement looks different from child to child. There are those who always want to be first. Those who prefer to go last. Some look around to see what others are doing and then join in, while others prefer to coexist in a parallel scenario. There are children who always wish to be with others and children who prefer to be alone. We tend to have an extrovert bias with children when plenty of us adults identify as introverted and prefer our own company at times. We all know the kid whose hand goes up when the teacher says "Raise your hand if--" even before that sentence is finished. And we also know the child who when offered a turn will always decline.

I cannot in the space of a blog post address each unique scenario or child. I will touch upon some general issues of relevance and would love to respond to any individual ideas or concerns in the comments or privately.

"Resistant" or "Hesitant" Engagement is the overarching term I coined for the end of the spectrum where those who might be deemed "not participating at all" would fall. It can also include children who are "slow to warm up" in social settings, group activities or other tasks. These include the scenarios where a child declines a turn or prefers to sit on the sidelines instead of playing a game or won't try an activity at all. Let's first look at potential contributing factors:

Why?

• Just ask! It seems overly obvious, but sometimes asking a child privately (not in front of the group or in the moment), can provide your solution. The child might have a reason he doesn't want to join in an activity and if he can tell you what it is, even better! If not, here are some to consider...
• Personal circumstances like energy level, hunger, illness, sleep deprivation, emotional disturbance or conflict at home or in the classroom, having to use the bathroom can all play a role in engagement.
• The environment itself can play a huge role. An activity that is loved in a familiar and quiet space may be loathed in a loud and unfamiliar space. Noise, smell, lighting, physical structure and its impact on mobility, crowd and population can all affect a child's response to an environment and her comfort level with engaging in activities.
• The activity is new. First times can be scary. Many children (and adults) are resistant to trying something new for the first time.
• The activity is developmentally inappropriate. Whether too hard or too easy, a child may avoid activities that are outside his developmental range.
• Distraction due to any environmental factor or combination thereof--whether it's internal or external can also affect engagement. This includes distraction from an activity a child did not feel done with prior to the moment or one she is thinking about doing later. 
• Performance anxiety is something that affects most people in some realm. It is unreasonable and also unfair to expect young children to merely "push through that." Whether it's answering a question in front of peers, performing in a show, reading aloud, trying a new food, or playing a sport or game, many children feel some level of performance anxiety.
• Fear of embarrassment is sometimes a factor of performance anxiety (see above) and sometimes also a factor of perfectionism in children who are sensitive to making mistakes or being "wrong." It can also be a manifestation of feeling self conscious in doing something new or outside of a child's comfort zone.
• Time can also play a role in engagement. On one end of the spectrum, children may grow bored and disengage--whether it's because an activity is too long or a waiting period is too long. On the other end of the spectrum, a sense of being rushed can cause anxiety or even cause children to intuit that the activity is not important or worth their time at all.
• Processing differences affect engagement in a variety of ways. Children who learn best visually have a harder time in auditory settings. Children who learn best through movement have a harder time in stationary activities. Sensory processing differences can also factor in for children who may be greatly affected by a variety of sensory stimuli having little or nothing to do with the activity at all or even more so when a sensory aversion is triggered by the activity itself (i.e. sound sensitivity, texture aversions, and so forth). Executive functioning and organizational difficulties can affect children in settings where multiple things are going on simultaneously or multiple steps are involved in carrying out a task.
• Lack of Interest: Let's be realistic here--not everyone likes everything! Some kids are just not into sports. Some are just not into music. You don't love every part of your day, neither do our children.
• Control, attention and sneaky secondary benefits: This is that gray area I love! This is where a child's refusal or hesitance to engage with an activity has more to do with their desire to control the situation than the activity itself. It could be that they desire the response they receive from not "participating." It could be that this response is adult attention (whether positive or negative) or an opportunity to engage in a preferred activity (sometimes with the adult one on one or independently). 
• "Muscle Memory" is what happens when a child has done something in a particular way once or twice or a dozen times and continues to do so whether or not it is beneficial or necessary. A child who "sat out" of an activity sometimes continues to do so even past the point of needing or wanting to do so merely because she has done so before and perhaps needs support to know how to engage.
• Peer Pressure and Preference: Some children are motivated by what their peers are doing or not doing. Some will choose not to engage when a peer does so and vice versa. This can be a double edged sword.
• Anxiety, Learning Differences, and Behavioral/Medical Factors: For whatever reason, an activity is difficult or ill suited to a child because of severe anxiety (more than typical childhood fears and anxieties), a learning difficulty such as speech/language delay, gross motor delay, physical, behavioral or emotional disability and so forth. Please note that in these cases (and in most other cases as well) it is not a lack in the child who is not participating but rather a lack of accessibility in the way an activity is presented, taught or in the environment itself. 
• It should also be noted that if you are concerned as a parent or educator that a significant medical or behavioral issue is preventing a child from participating and engaging in activities quite frequently and that this is inhibiting a child's success and sense of self esteem, it may be helpful to ask for support from a professional.

"Differently/Disruptively" Engaged children may be eager to be involved in an activity but struggle to do so in a "typical" (as defined by adults) manner. They may call out answers out of turn or be physically mobile and wiggly during seated/stationary activities. They may be more prone to getting distracted or seem "spacey." They may be chatty with peers or veer off topic. While many of the actions and behaviors of a "differently" engaged child may mimic those of a "hesitantly" engaged child, the intent is not to avoid the activity. In fact, these children want to be a part of the activity but struggle to carry out the task. Additionally, some of the factors that play into the challenge are also the same as those that play into resistant and hesitant engagement. These may include the following (see above for more detail):

• Environmental factors
• Personal circumstances
• Learning, processing and developmental differences

Children with attention span differences may need more support to engage in activities that are lengthy and involve waiting periods. A child who is wiggly and moving around, however, may not necessarily be having difficulty paying attention. He may be struggling with core weakness or low muscle tone, making a seated or stationary activity more challenging. Children who are quite chatty and verbose during times that quiet is needed may need an alternative outlet for socializing--whether that means they need a gentle reminder of when there will be a time to share a personal anecdote or story or a space that is more conducive to independent working/listening (i.e. not next to a good friend). A child whose voice volume is louder or quieter than necessary may be struggling with an underlying auditory challenge or hearing impairment. Visual impairments and social differences can affect a child's gaze, focus or ability to make eye contact. Learning styles and potential delays can affect how a child processes information--whether it is directions given verbally, visually, etc. As always, a child's internal and external environment will also affect their success in engaging in an activity. While these are all potentially tricky things to pinpoint, they are all factors that should be considered when we observe a child being "disruptive" in their engagement with an activity.

Troubleshooting Time! I want to reiterate the power of involving the child in the solution. This includes asking him why he may not be engaging in the way you'd expect as noted above. But I also want to stress the importance of how you ask this. And to begin with, we need to toss out our expectations as much as possible. Sure, we have an idea of what engagement should look like, but it truly does look differently for different children. A child watching and experiencing something from "the sidelines" may still be enjoying herself and learning. Asking a more open-ended question of a child in concern--"how was that for you?-- might get you further than "why didn't you participate?" And asking "what can I do to help you feel more comfortable?" can go a long way further than threats or painful consequences. Here are some other things to consider:

• Make sure personal circumstances and environmental factors and are tended to. As much as you can, try to address any internal or external factors that may inhibit a child from engaging in an activity. Setting up the environment for success sets up a child for success.
• Assess Accessibility: Is your activity and environment accessible to all children? This includes (as much as possible) having an activity that meets the developmental needs and current abilities of all of the children present--even if you need to adapt for certain individuals. Automatically including small and simple accommodations in your space can go a long way toward eliminating issues. 
• Having visual directions, social stories and posters depicting multi-step tasks in areas where they need to be carried out independently can support all students. One example is having multi-step directions through photos or pictures hung in a bathroom depicting the steps of hand-washing. Another would be having a poster with pictures/print in a cubby area or entry way showing the steps of unpacking personal belongings upon arrival and packing them at the end of the day. This can be adapted to a home environment as well to support children in dressing themselves or bedtime routines. 
• Having a towel or wet wash cloth available in the vicinity of a messy play activity can go a long way in supporting children who are averse to getting their hands dirty. Having an option of a paint brush or other utensil can support children averse to the textures of paint or other art/sensory play materials. 
• Sometimes assessing accessibility can involve these ways of thinking "outside the box," and sometimes it's also more "inside the box" and "obvious" culprits that affect engagement. Can children reach and access everything they need to fulfill a task? Do you have access to everything you need in your space? Wait times while you have to go and gather materials or individually support a child who didn't have something they needed can cause a disruption to the natural flow.
• Evaluate Expectations: This one is so important and yet it is something I continue to struggle with both as a teacher and a parent. Whether it is my expectations of how an activity will be received or what a child should/will do with a particular material, I often find that my expectations do not match my outcomes. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised. Sometimes I am disappointed, frustrated or confused. We need to keep our expectations in check--both for our own sake and for the sake of our children. On the one hand, I do think it is valuable to model working through emotions of surprise, disappointment, wonder, confusion, etc. with young children. On the other hand, keeping our own emotions and reactions in check creates a safe environment for children to express and experience their own. I may be averse to having my hands covered in slime, but you'd better bet that I am not going to initiate that activity by saying or demonstrating that feeling. I might, however, share that I feel that way later on into it and talk about how I move through it and enjoy the sound of bubbles popping in slime and watching it expand in its liquid form and gather into a ball when I apply pressure with my hands.
• "If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em!" If we are sitting on the sidelines ourselves, how can we expect our children to actively engage? For example, I take my boys to a story time at the library, but I am busy at my phone--either catching up on correspondence or taking photos (that's usually the more common culprit) and they are naturally more interested in my phone than in the librarian. Am I at all surprised when I  am more engaged with my phone than the librarian? Or, I take my students to a music and movement class, but I'm sipping my coffee and catching up on cutting out laminated pictures for an art activity that afternoon and suddenly I have half a dozen little ones lining up next to me to see what I'm doing. Is it at all hard to imagine that they would intuit that my activity is more important in this moment than what they should be doing when I am not participating? As a mother and as a teacher, I know full well it is unrealistic to feel that I should or can engage with my children at all times throughout the day. It is equally unrealistic to feel that they should or can engage in all activities throughout their day. It is very helpful, however, when we see children begin to veer off the course of their natural tendencies to engage to take a moment to reconnect with them and with the activity at hand. 
• Laying the Framework: We all know the value in building a strong foundation. When introducing a new toy, material or activity, we need to ensure that children know what the expectations are, how to use what is available and how to carry out a task from beginning to end. (Many times, we forget that beginning and end part of gathering materials and putting them away and focus only on the middle!) How many times have I put in an immense amount of time and effort into setting up a play area, work center or activity in my home or classroom only to see the children have no interest at all or play for just seconds and move on? When this happens, I go through my mental check lists of items above and then, if and when I have addressed everything else, I join in and play along. Modeling and connecting are huge aspects of helping children to learn in their school and home environments. Additionally, that aspect of connecting through shared play and experience are huge in building rapport and feelings of security. Children who feel supported and trust their environment and the people in it are far more likely to engage and succeed.
• Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater: When engagement goes awry--in whatever way and for whatever reason--it does not mean you need to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. It's ok to take a break. It's ok to come back to something in a few minutes or even much, much later. It's ok to reintroduce an activity or a material again, to start over or even to choose to abandon ship if and when that feels appropriate. I don't think the response is ever going to be the same in every scenario nor should it be. 

As long as we are meeting our children where they are in a given moment--knowing that this fluctuates even in the course of a day--and we are supporting them in moving beyond that space to grow and thrive at a pace that is appropriate for them, we are doing our part to support all children in engagement throughout their lives.

I'd love to hear from others on challenges and successes they've had with students and/or their own children in the matter of participation and engagement. Feel free to comment below or contact me personally. We will be back soon with some great winter themed play activities and survival tips for school vacation. Until then...

Happy Playing!